I’m a Survivor of Sexual Abuse

I do not owe you any explanation of my abuse.

I do not owe you any details.

I do not need to prove to you that it happened.

I know that it was real, even if you don’t believe me.

I know that it happened, even if there is no proof.

That’s the thing with sexual abuse.

There often isn’t proof.

Just my word against his.

Yet why is it so easy to believe his word rather than mine?

Why do I get blamed for it rather than him?

Is there some kind of deep pain you are trying to avoid?

In believing him over me you can deny that it ever happened.

Maybe that’s all you want.

To believe it didn’t happen.

And believing what I say means believing that it was real.

I don’t have the luxury to deny it like you do.

I have the memories in my head and I can’t deny them like you do.

To me, the evidence is obvious.

It’s in how I relate to others now.

It’s in the PTSD I suffer with.

It’s in my dreams and my fears of the future.

It’s in the dark foreboding feeling I always have.

It’s in the terrifying feeling that I’m about to die.

That’s the evidence.

If I hadn’t been abused I wouldn’t be dealing with all of the things I just named.

You can be in denial, but I can’t.

And though it may break our relationship, I refuse to deny the truth.

I have a family with other survivors.

I have a family with others who have mental illness.

They know me.

They understand me.

They believe me.

I do not need to prove myself to you.

I am a survivor of sexual abuse and I am not ashamed.

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