I am Glad Not to Live Forever
Free Write 9/21/24
So tired, strung out - dire.
Everything burns and I have not the water to put it out.
Neighbors spew hate and lies and I don't have an embrace large enough to let them know they are loved.
My body twists, bubbles, creaks - straining against mortal redundancy; the endless march of the clock.
Those precious to me suffer, and yet I am to keep moving forward? Toward what future without them?
Live day by day, take it all in stride, and yet that future hovers like the shadows cast by a sinking sun; inevitable. Unstoppable.
I am glad not to live forever.
_______________________________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I'M FINE!! I promise. <3 Realized without some context people might think this is me talking right now, but this was written back in September!
I wrote this one evening after a particularly nasty anxiety attack, needing a way to put my thoughts, fears, and emotions onto a page. After the worst of it passed I went over the piece and added more clarity to what may have triggered this episode, and ended up with what you see above!
Stay well, friends! (:
About the Creator
Amanda Starks
Fantasy writer, poet, and hopefully soon-to-be novelist who wants to create safe spaces to talk about mental health. Subscribe to my free newsletter at www.amandastarks.com for updates!
RE:SURGENCE now available for download!
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Comments (7)
Smart of you to give this a little distance before sharing it and also letting us know you're fine. Powerful story. ⚡💙⚡
A lot of grief captured in “Those precious to me suffer, and yet I am to keep moving forward? Toward what future without them?” beautiful poem and such a vulnerable reflection
Felt many times but still live!
So beautiful so real
*incomprehensible sobbing* Sending sympathetic hugs your way.
I think we all feel this way at least sometimes, especially right now. We are afraid of death, but in truth, we don’t want to live forever, either. The people around us are in pain and will eventually go away, so who wants to live in all that pain forever without our loved ones around us? What we need to remember, though, is that we are loved, even when it doesn’t feel like it, and we just need to shift our focus to that love in order to counteract the pain. We need to just live in the moment, not focus on whether we’ll live forever. Remember, you are loved. 💜
Aw, Amanda. You are forever a source of inspiration and bravery when it comes to writing about your personal experiences, your health issues and turning it all into beautiful art. Loved this, though...wish it wasn't quite so hard for you. Well done, Amanda!