How Girls Write About Lust
and that's okay
I had this image of homesteaded baking and limes,
Plucked from a tree, squeezed into pies,
Now your tongue coats the air, coats everything that I do,
I roll dough like it’s sexy and shiver at you.
Cause it was sheets and splayed hair, it was laughter and longing,
I trembled with fear and the forthright forthcomings,
Of my deepest dark dreaming, the me I could be,
With salt in the salt-spray, and your lips in the sea.
It feels like being freshwater, the way you take me apart,
String the sand round my throat and tunnel into my heart,
I sit in the rosebushes and lick you into the petals,
Funnel the garden with thorns, protection for my mettle.
And did you know, I didn’t think it’d happen for me?
I pictured sand lots and wine aunts and smut on the beach,
I sharpened my loneliness into cat claws and wit,
I prepared for the breakage, I accepted the hit,
But you’re so blond it’s bruising, and you don’t wear enough clothes,
And you laugh like the doorbell that welcomes me home.
And I wrap my arms round you, and I don’t let you go,
My face in your shoulder, I love and I know.
Take me to the dawn, stepping-stone me to summer,
Where the beach waves are blue as the eyes pulling me under,
Where the future is certain and plastered into my dreams,
And where we’re something forever, and you’re someone to me.
About the Creator
Amelia
19-year-old writer who hopes to write stories for a living someday-- failing that, I'd like to become a mermaid.
Instagram: @nighterwriter24
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
Top insights
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Expert insights and opinions
Arguments were carefully researched and presented
Comments (22)
I sharpened my loneliness into cat claws and wit - my favourite line!
'You laugh like the doorbell that welcomes me home' if a fantastic line my dude. I hope you DO get to write stories for a living; I hope I get to sit back and read them :)
Very good! Your way with words is captivating and strong.
I absolutely love it! Thanks for the read. It's probably my favorite one of all.
I could write a book about it ha ha ha ha: This piece is rich with emotion and vivid imagery, blending elements of poetic language and raw, personal expression. The grammar is mostly sound, though the free verse style naturally departs from rigid grammatical rules, which works well in this context. However, I'll break down both the poetic elements and some technical aspects. Strengths: Imagery and Metaphor: The poem paints highly evocative images: "homesteaded baking and limes," "your tongue coats the air," "string the sand round my throat," and "funnel the garden with thorns." These metaphors are sensual, grounding abstract feelings in physical sensations that feel intimate and layered. The mixture of domesticity ("rolling dough," "baking") with desire gives the piece a unique tone that combines everyday activities with deeper emotions, transforming mundane actions into something intimate and erotic. Emotional depth: There’s a palpable sense of vulnerability and longing throughout the piece. Lines like "I trembled with fear and the forthright forthcomings," and "I sharpened my loneliness into cat claws and wit," reveal an internal struggle between fear, love, and self-protection. The contrast between past loneliness and present connection ("I prepared for the breakage, I accepted the hit") offers emotional complexity, underscoring the speaker’s surprise and almost disbelief at finding love or connection. Poetic Flow: The rhyme scheme, though not consistent, gives the piece a musicality. Lines like "It feels like being freshwater, the way you take me apart" and "You’re so blond it’s bruising, and you don’t wear enough clothes" show a deliberate rhythm that flows naturally. There's an artful use of enjambment, where the lines run into each other, mimicking the continuous and overwhelming nature of emotion. Suggestions for Improvement: Clarity and Consistency: At times, the metaphors, while powerful, feel a bit scattered. For example, the line “string the sand round my throat” is vivid, but “funnel the garden with thorns” in the following line slightly dilutes the image. Tightening some metaphors might sharpen the emotional impact. The tone jumps between intimate (e.g., “I roll dough like it’s sexy”) and grand (e.g., "Take me to the dawn, stepping-stone me to summer"). While these shifts can be effective, smoothing the transitions between them would enhance coherence. Grammar: The line "Of my deepest dark dreaming, the me I could be" could be streamlined to something like "Of my deepest, darkest dreams, the me I could be" for better flow. "And did you know, I didn’t think it’d happen for me?" is grammatically correct but could benefit from a smoother phrasing: "Did you know? I never thought this would happen to me" for a more lyrical quality. Repetition and Expansion: The ending, while strong, could be developed a bit more to emphasize the conclusion. The closing lines, “Take me to the dawn... and you’re someone to me,” feel a little rushed compared to the rest of the piece, which unfolds with more detail. Slowing down the resolution would provide a more satisfying close. Overall: This is a beautifully introspective piece that captures the complexities of love, vulnerability, and unexpected connection. The combination of everyday activities with profound emotion makes it stand out. With some minor adjustments in clarity and pacing, it could become even more powerful. The free verse format and occasional rhyme allow for creative freedom, and the blend of poetic and conversational language gives it a personal, intimate tone.
Great job. 👏
Nice one 🕜 keep it up my friend...
Excellent work, I literally fell in love with this!
evocative of true, universal love truths natural thought - poem.
Wow. What wonderful imagery and innuendo. Fantastic piece evocative of true romance as opposed to mere physicality.
Dear Amelia Moore, You're pretty lovely beautiful lady & quite attractive...
This was so gorgeous!!
Literally this made me feel like I was a teenage girl again.
Remember your strength and beauty inward: do not give it away- you shine here.
Nice work! Congrats on TS!!!
Hi Amelia nice wordings , kindly also subscribe me
This was an amazing poem. The rhyme scheme and words are so lovely, creating vivid images in the reader's mind. Congratulations, too, on the Top Story - it's certainly well-deserved.
Loved this! You are clearly talking about a real person you love. Its great! Particularly liked the line: "Where the beach waves are blue as the eyes pulling me under"
Holy - wow, Amelia! This is beautiful! So wonderfully done, I love it!
They BETTER give you top story.... damn. Good job. This took my breath away!
Viscerally a treat!!
Wow! That went straight to the front page. Congrats, Amelia! This felt so genuine and right! Nice to see a post from you!