Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

I slept and dreamed, even though I was awake

But I am damned, as I am in my blood

I thought as always: I am dreaming.

But I am damned and didn't know it was true,

that it is already known that I will see in a few days later.

I was cold as a corpse, but I was not dead

But I am gone. I left a while ago...

My wish was to be born an orphan,

It would be easier that way, somehow

Even though I don’t know how I wish that

I would not be hurt by the absence of loved ones.

I would have no one to love me or to love

Always, selfish as I am selfish,

I wished I didn't want to love

I always wished that I was no longer an orphan,

to be gone before the others are gone.

At the age of 7, I started making plans to screw up death

And I started with plans, strategies...

But death is stalking me, both, in waking life and in dreams

Death stalks me and blesses me with premonitions,

Salty, sweetened, and sour premonitions,

in color, mostly in black and white.

Death gives me a lot, it always

And pain and rage, and black premonitions.

But who should read them?

I stopped reading long ago,

to believe in that little soul in me

I stopped being able to read,

All the way from God to Hell

A bunch of premonitions and symbols

but it's useless to give a bunch of letters and symbols to an ignorant person

It's a shame, it really is.

I saw the small screen with a Pepsi commercial in the background

and both TV antennas up

I saw you all in front of the TV

Sitting on the couch like in those

Asian horror movies and you enjoyed yourself, quite a lot

My mother looked at me sternly and with a dose of death in her

Anyway, she is gone too, so death suits her

She looked at me with a look, she commanded me not to approach

A fire erupted, and it burned you all

I looked at you, and I did not touch you

And I tried, but it didn't work

Because it was a dream, but it happened

It happened a few days later

I had black butterflies in my gut

And they sang the same song to me

But no, I'm not listening

I haven't heard in my left ear since I was a child

But now the other has also failed

They sang to me that my worst nightmare was about to happen

And yes, my worst nightmare happened,

On my birthday, my father, my hero died.

All I have left is rage and anger.

Who should I thank, God or Devil?

Happy birthday and have a nice day.

A beautiful day to die.