Getting Back up Again

Used to be this soft mellow girl

Always with a smile on my face

Never raised my voice

Or experienced anger

But as years went by

As wolves kept snatching at my heart

I couldn’t hold onto the kindness

I became someone that I couldn’t recognize anymore

I became the person that I would be scared of

Started having meltdowns

Started yelling like a fucking alcoholic

Where the rainbow used to color and shine

Now lies a dark black cloud

Of anger of sadness

I fucking hate who I have become

I want to change

But every time I pick myself up

These wolves bring me back down

Started thinking is it really worth the effort anymore

Why don’t I just stay down

Stay sad

With nothing

Maybe then I will be safer

Then I won’t cry over losing something of value to me

I bite my lips

Painful at first

And then it fades

So I bite harder

And the blood streams down my chin

But I can’t feel the pain

I became numb

a nightmare

So I bite harder till I can scream out of pain

Kept pretending I was lifeless

So you kept stepping over me

What do u fucking want from you

You already snatched every lil thing I ever held

Why stay alive when I can’t love myself either

Why stay alive when I am worthless

Bet you will be happy digging up my grave

But I don’t like you enough to make you happy

So i'm gonna fucking get up again

So i'm gonna wash my face

Brush my hair

Pack my bags

And walk away

Destroy your only joy of seeing me cry

Destroy your only joy of seeing me down

-NUMI