Dear Ocean

Dear Ocean,

I don't know anything.

I think maybe

By now

I must be a broken record.

Cause I'm still patching up the same potholes that come back

Every fall

Every spring

Every year

And while I know I'm getting wiser

It's hard to tell sometimes if I'm really even healing at all.

But sometimes

I touch old wounds and find they've turned to scars

And they don't hurt me the way they used to

They don't pull my heart out of my chest

They don't stomp on it and light it aflame

There's no gasoline or burning embers

They just sit there

Existing.

And yet existing

Has never felt more tiring

Than it has now.

Existing

Has never felt more difficult.

I'm pushing against time

And fighting against fear

For a change

For a goal

For a future

That I'm not sure will ever even be mine.

I'm turning the wheel but there's snow on my windshield

And I'm not sure if I'm driving towards the road

Or a cliff.

So I'm putting my faith in you Ocean

Don't let me down.