Convoluted

Isn't it sad that one day is a victory?

Twenty-four hours without thinking of you

No Memories—good or bad

flood my consciousness with confusion

drowning me

It was my fault.

You tried to hold on.

Through all the pain of leaving,

I also left you.

My most precious friend

Closest love

First love

True love

Only love?

But it was also you.

hot-tempered with searing words

left my heart cold and numb

unable to feel your love any longer.

how could I?

Exploiting my weaknesses when I was "wrong"

to get your way

to "make your point"

I could never do it to you.

I wanted to hurt you just like you could hurt me

but I couldn't kill you.

I'm no murderer—unlike you

"I wish I had never met you"

"There's a reason people talk about you"

"You're so naïve and ignorant"

"You're a fucking trainwreck"

Well maybe you're right

sometimes

about me

yet so wrong about yourself

Truth is- I'm a trainwreck because of you.

People talk because of jealousy.

and you don't wish you had never met me.

I helped you—carried you even—

on my back, in my heart, through my mind

for years.

I liked the weight though

reminding me of your presence.

weightless without you.

easily blown down by others

profiting from my childlike trust

I am caught under water,

but whose snare is it?

yours or some other man

who has exploited me?

or is it mine?

I will take responsibility

as I always have

as I always will.

Yes—I must be at fault

for it is my mind

which replays us.

allowing myself to be pulled under

for our love

I don't want to forget

the Memories—good or bad.