Retreiving Helen

years it has been

this war has waged longer than troy

ravaged the "best years of my life"

no horse in sight

none to bring about the end

only me—Odysseus

outsmart my opponent

a war like none before

despite my weariness

because of my weariness

a battle to the death

only one victor

it has to be me

for too long this has been my heel

senselessly

for i know the strength which the rest of me possesses

there is no alternative

black or white

success or failure

to rescue the most beautiful woman

this is my promise to myself

that i will not give up.

the first of the final battles

is approaching

i refuse to hide anymore

the smell

the sounds

the locked door

hide myself

i cannot postpone this resolution

though i want to.

my cheeks are swollen pillows which

i have cried into so many times

and for what?

for pale skin and bruised knuckles

for a burning throat and transparent teeth

all for a skinny waist

but i couldn't see the damage

blinded by a delusion

as was everyone else

my fault,too good at keeping secrets

a talent used to curse myself

but i refuse to fall victim any longer

despite my fears

because of my fears

i must reclaim myself

i will do it for the scared fifteen-year-old

who lost forty pounds in two months.

for the anxious seventeen-year-old

who gained ten back

for the tired nineteen-year-old

who gained ten more

for the twenty-one-year-old

who will be free

alone no more

rejuvenated by self-determination

if not self-confidence

which will be the spoils of my victory

and then retrieve the most beautiful woman