How am I supposed to know?
If these empty years,
full of chewing on dust and missed connections
while my gaze ever turns
to the whale-road,
and the clock ticks on with impunity—
how will I know, before it’s too late?
Am I cocooned,
safely and slowly transforming into what I
could
and
should
and
would
and
will(?)
be again?
Am I entombed?
Prematurely grave-ridden,
repeated rejections sour in my mouth,
the bones of best-laid plans scattered around me,
riddled with my teeth marks.
Transformation or death?
How am I supposed to know?
Does the caterpillar understand what it’s doing,
even as it walls itself in?
When it bricks up the last of the light
and windsong, does it know,
in the end,
that it will have wings?
Or does it panic in the darkness,
as it feels the slow, exquisite
torture of dessication?
Does it rail against itself,
for locking the door and throwing away the key?
How am I supposed to know?
Am I cocooned or entombed?
There is a point of no return.
I have done this to myself—
please, God, let there be a reason.
Is it faith, then, that sends the caterpillar to the darkness?
Is death the price of transformation?
What happens if I die without
metamorphosis?
About the Creator
Chloë J.
Probably not as funny as I think I am
Insta @chloe_j_writes
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insight
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Comments (19)
My jaw dropped - this is stellar work and thoughts 🥹🫶
I love your poem
Very powerful and thought provoking!
I’m in love with this piece, Chloë! Gorgeous. Powerful. So much depth. Well done! ✨💕
This was so powerful, Chloë! Sometimes, as hard as we try, we find ourselves unable to see or know if any of our efforts are worth it, if change is inevitable or impossible. This absolutely encompasses that feeling, that desperation to know, encased in such gorgeous poetry. Congratulations on TS, so well deserved!
Congrats on the Top Story! It's well-deserved. The depth and power to this piece are outstanding. "Prematurely grave-ridden", is going to stick with me for a while. Profound questions and beautifully executed.
The introspective questions invite deep reflection on the journey of personal growth and the unknowns that come with it.
Captivating poetry Chloe. I love your use of typography too. Caterpillar into Cocoon. Thankfully, you have transformed into a beautiful butterfly with your top story. Congratulations!
Captivating poem. And I love all your photographs, including the ones you use for your profile. I subscribed to you.
Congratulations top story
Deeply philosophical questions enshrined in poetic verse. A winning combination! Top story kudos!
Congratulations on this getting TS, very deserved!
Back to say congratulations on Top Story!!
I loved this🎉 I think about my journey as a butterfly myself and it does get very dark I love that your poem expresses the duality of it all
This poem beautifully captures the uncertainty and existential weight of transformation. The imagery of the caterpillar’s metamorphosis versus premature entombment is haunting and thought-provoking—do we endure suffering for growth, or are we merely burying ourselves alive in stagnation? The repetition of "How am I supposed to know?" reinforces the deep anxiety of not knowing if change is happening or if it's all in vain. The visceral descriptions of chewing on dust, missed connections, and the bones of best-laid plans make this a deeply raw and personal piece. The final plea—"please, God, let there be a reason"—is particularly powerful. It speaks to that universal fear: What if all this suffering leads nowhere? This is a beautifully written, deeply reflective poem that lingers in the mind long after reading. Masterful work. 🖤
Deep thoughts, perfectly penned!
An ageless question, so well written
You pose this question beautifully and with so many layers. Gorgeous poem. ❤️
If we knew, would there be any point to the journey? Love the poem, timeless in its querying.