Broken
A Villanelle
I did not want to reach this part,
To watch you turn your gaze away,
Where nothing soothes my fractured heart.
*
You sought to see me at the start,
Though I feared you could not stay,
I did not want to reach this part.
*
To me your love had tasted tart,
Used as I was to night, not day,
Where nothing soothes my fractured heart.
*
But loving you became an art.
I learnt to keep my fear at bay,
I did not want to reach this part.
*
Now you have started to depart,
Though in our bed we both still lay,
Where nothing soothes my fractured heart.
*
I tried to weave, to duck and dart,
Knowing the price I could not pay.
I did not want to reach this part,
Where nothing soothes my fractured heart.
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More stories from Hannah Moore and writers in Poets and other communities.
If You Love Me, You'll Do It
I met Jason when I was five years old. I could say that I loved him from the moment I saw him. He was so handsome to me and I felt in awe by his presence. When they introduced him as the new kid in school, I wanted to be his friend right away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember his smile and how he didn't seem shy. He appeared confident and ready to learn. I waved at him and said "hello," before anyone else could even say a word. He sat next to me, and I asked him if he wanted to be friends. He looked so happy as he said, "Yes!"
By Sidney Smith (Sid Smith)6 days ago in Fiction
Comments (32)
Seamlessly crafted and emotiveโฆ well deserved placing.๐คฉ Iโve only attempted 2 Villanelles so far.๐ตโ๐ซ
Portrays the emotion of a breakup so well. Congratulations on your well deserved winโค๏ธ
The pain could be felt in your vivid language.
I think this harnesses the form perfectly. That stilted rhythm of the villanelle until the final stanza creates a harmony with your rhymes and the emotional heart. โBut loving you became an art. I learnt to keep my fear at bay, I did not want to reach this part.โ Goodness this is so true to life! Truly magnificent work, Hannah! Congratulations! ๐๐
Congratulations ! This feels like well expressed sadness.
Congratulations, Hannah! Brevity was very effective in the execution of your poem. Less is definitely more, and it paid off. Well done!
Yayyyyy sooo happy for you Hannah! Congratulations! ๐๐๐๐๐๐
THis is absolutely beautiful, Hannah! Congratulations!
Heartbreaking!!! Congratulations on the runner up win!!!๐โค๏ธ
Congrats! "I did not want to reach this part" was such a powerful repeating line!
Well done, on placing. Not surprised at all. Congrats, Hannah!
Beautifully written, and congratulations on placing!
Congratulations, Hannah! I can see why this poem placed: your short lines contain such restrained pain, and and your refrain keeps piercing me where it hurts. Fantastic job.
Very well written! Also, congrats on being a runner up!
Oh, ouch ๐ I hope not drawn from real life because it is just too sad ๐ฃ
Nice work!
AH!!! That impish heartbreak devil. Why does this devil haunt us so. Such a sad reminder of the trial of us all.
Amazing work, Hannah - so beautiful, sad, and compelling. โค๏ธ
This is beautiful, and heartbreaking.
This is simply a masterpiece Hannah!
This was so poignant, emotional and heartbreaking. I hope you're okay though ๐ฅบ
So sad and so beautiful!
This poem gutted me beautifully, lol. Well done! Now, I've got to go pick up the pieces of my own fractured heart๐
I've been trying to ignore the villanelle challenge because it seems too difficult to make sense with such repetition. You made it easy to see it and feel it. A lovely sad poem.
An artful use of the form to represent poignant emotions which are both intimately personal and universal, alas.