Back-n-Forth

Is this all I worth

Back-n-forth I filled up pages

Night after night I crushed my brain

Missing one train of happiness after another so that the future becomes worth it

The present was empty so that the future is filled

Now that the future is here it's spilling all that it filled

All the praises, all the hopes, all the dreams and all the scopes

Is it all they worth, stuck in a narrative that stopped, not even back-n-forth

Please someone get me out of the rut

For all I know that there is so much more I worth

II

The colors of my heart don't erupt anymore

The thoughts of my head don't flow anymore

The soul doesn't live anymore

As if it's a breathing contest from the cold water through the glass of ice

Stuck and suffocated, swallowing the cold pointy shutter of my breaths

But once I learn it's not my problem anymore

The ice cracks.

It's still not enough, but not that bad as a start anymore.

III

Hello darkness my old friend I missed you

The wet gloomy flooding tears

I missed you

The screams of my inner child, the cries of whatever is inside the shell of my personhood

I missed you

Hello fear, the fear that makes me stop trusting the ones I have to lean on

I missed you, thanks for being my only option and only danger, oh how much I missed you

Hello monster, I missed you amidst the few bits of good times, now you make me feel like me

Getting lost in the abyss, the shouting nothingness, the pitch-black green smile of the doom, Welcome back, I missed you.