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Am I?

a contemplative poem

By angela hepworthPublished about a year ago 2 min read

If I am not my past, then what am I?

Am I my smile, wide and bright?

Am I my laugh, loud and proud?

Am I the one who is loved?

Am I the one who loves?

Am I sunny and happy?

Or am I cold and quiet?

Am I creative?

Or am I ordinary?

Am I friendly, or am I a fraud?

Am I imaginative, or am I crazy?

Am I my weaknesses?

Am I the times I was silent when I should have spoken?

Or am I the times I showed strength and resilience in the face of injustice?

If I am not my past self, am I the present me?

Am I truly?

Can I be someone else?

Who is the present me?

Is she kind, or is she cruel?

Is she forgiving, or is she spiteful?

Is she honest, or is she a liar?

Does she love as deeply as she resents?

Does she give as much as she gets?

Does her good outweigh her bad?

Can it?

Is she redeemed?

Can she ever be?

Do her sins crawl on her back?

Am I those sins?

Or am I my proudest moments?

Am I the love I have for others?

Am I my anger, my spite, my lies?

Am I my fury, simmering low and hot in my soul?

Am I myself at my most rotted?

Am I my gravest mistakes?

I have to be.

But I do not have to be.

Maybe, instead, I am my kindness.

Maybe, I am my love.

Maybe, I am my hope.

Maybe, I am my faith in the world.

Am I my charisma?

Am I my joy?

Or am I my tears, cascading down in silence?

Am I myself at my weakest?

Or am I myself at my strongest?

Am I worth it?

Am I good?

Which side matters more?

Which me am I?

Am I my cowardice?

Am I my graciousness, my silent strengths?

Why are my mistakes the only thing I know about myself?

If I am not my mistakes, I do not know who I am.

Am I wrong?

Am I forgiven?

Am I strong enough to persevere?

Is trying enough?

Am I good?

Or am I evil?

It kills me—

—to know.

Mental Healthsad poetryFree Verse

About the Creator

angela hepworth

Hello! I’m Angela and I enjoy writing fiction, poetry, reviews, and more. I delve into the dark, the sad, the silly, the sexy, and the stupid. Come check me out!

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Comments (8)

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  • Babs Iversonabout a year ago

    Spectacular sad poem that's very relatable!!! Love it!!!❤️❤️💕

  • Tiffany Gordonabout a year ago

    It's seems as if we could be all of the above at certain moments. Profound and well written!

  • C. Rommial Butlerabout a year ago

    Well-wrought! "I Yam What I Yam and That's All That I Yam!" -Popeye the Sailor Man Quote for lighthearted fun, source here: https://youtu.be/LzHmunZxJeM?si=ROH-MKsnzYNumGij

  • This felt soooo relatable! Loved it so much!

  • Hannah Mooreabout a year ago

    Are we not all these things at once?

  • Kodahabout a year ago

    The use of repetition emphasizes the inner turmoil and desire for clarity. Incredibly done! 💌

  • Caroline Cravenabout a year ago

    I think we can be all of those things. This was so raw and honest. Great writing.

  • Jamye Sharpabout a year ago

    “Maybe, I am hope” that line defines this poem so well. A little if all, and yet knowing it, one can have a be hope for the world.

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