A Villanelle: I Grieve before the Daytime turns to Dusk
For The Road Drops Here Challenge
I grieve before the daytime turns to dusk
My supple skin goes deep within mind sight
Detach from me you veiled scars of aging
*
Trees of features fall away in season
dip down and cry a song to heavens sky
I grieve before the daytime turns to dusk
*
Songs were sung our voices melded singing
How man can’t crush the clock of hidden sin
Detach from me you veiled scars of aging
*
My day will come like yours have done in vain
Life of sin, dust from scripture breathing in
I grieve before the daytime turns to dusk
*
I lie in wait the days pass by with grace
When Christ- mas comes we all will smile again
Detach from me you veiled scars of aging
*
The beat of my heart stop, escape, lub dub
stone cold face, eyes closed, leaving the world here
I grieve before the daytime turns to dusk
Detach from me you veiled scars of aging.
A/N : Inspired by two good friends of ours. I thought they were going to die. Both ill. Both didn’t show up. But yesterday they did and it made my heart sing. It made me happy enough to complete this poem. It’s first state was ugly. Needed lots of edits. Thank you if you got this far. Please press that hollow heart, hit subscribe and comment down below, because I was afraid to write another Villanelle incase it wasn’t as good as my first one. A Villanelle to Palo Santo. But who cares. Thank you so much once again 🤗♥️🙏🏽
About the Creator
Caitlin Charlton
poetry too close to home
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Comments (14)
Beautiful lyrics, ode to life and still being here to sing life's songs.
Another beautiful villanelle
I love the repeated line the most 😁
Beautiful commentary and prose, Caitlin. I always thin the best poems come from the heart but can be displayed in a variety of emotions. Your emotions come through clearly in this piece. You have inspired me to put a Villanelle poem on my "To do" list.
Omggg, I'm so relieved to know that your friends are okay. You executed the Villanelle perfectly. I especially loved this line: "How man can’t crush the clock of hidden sin"
Beautiful poem! I'm so happy to hear your friends are ok ❤️ Also, I feel inadequate because your comments on my work are always so long and thoughtful and I just can't compete lol.
This is an excellent poem and it is one to realize to take time and enjoy the day and to enjoy life. Good job.
Ah this is an excellent poem. The repetitive elements gave it a really nice rhythm and the emotion is strong.
Stunning work CC! Glorious in execution, meaningful & elegant! You danced across the sky with this one! Go gurl! 💪🏾🥳 Also, I'm so happy that your friends are okay... Hugs 2 you!
Your grief blossoms in twilight—aching, honest, hopeful. So glad your friends returned, and your heart sings.
I am glad your friends are fine, Caitlin. "As daytime turns to dusk," they will be in your hearts. One of the most beautiful villanelles I've read.
Caitlin, This is absolutely beautiful, I pictured so many different people thinking this way. I believe that is the beauty of this, it includes every reader in one way or another. As daytime turns to dusk, a Strong metaphor. Well done for the challenge.
Beautiful. What a wonderful relief to see your friends when you thought else wise. Blessings.
Ooooo, this was so good, Caitlin! This would be something to hear performed with that line, "Detach from me you veiled scars of aging." Like be gone with you! Sorry for the initial inspiration but so glad to hear your friends are okay :)