My Papa Bear

Growing up in the Bronx was not a luxurious living with backyard swings and bike rides with the family around the neighborhood but what we always had was companions. When my parents brought a pet home it was given to us by a friend whose dog had puppies, simply needed a home or, one summer in Puerto Rico we got the runt of the liter. Visiting a family’s place, I saw her, she ran to me and the rest was history. I adored her until her last day. All unconventional animals, never purchased at a pet shop like all the books I read as a kid, but all loved. Oddly enough my parents always managed to get female dogs, so of course I wanted to have a male dog of my own. A Yorkie to be exact, not teacup, just a regular sized Yorkshire Terrier. A little guy to dress up in hoodies and denim jackets, cuddle with and take him everywhere I went. My mother even promised to get me one if I graduated college. Neither happened so here I was an adult now with a child of my own and a partner to grow old with but still no Yorkie.

THE WORLDS UPSIDE DOWN!

So now the unfortunate virus comes along. Corona Virus, thanks to you the world has shut down and most people are on lockdown at home. For me though it was high alert anxiety since I am deemed an essential healthcare worker therefore, lockdown and quarantine like “what is that”? For me, it was double shifts for 4 days then rest for 3 and start it all over again. This went on for almost 6 months straight. My mind, body, and soul were exhausted beyond measure. The fear of catching the virus or worse bringing it home to my family was unbearable. Barely sleeping, keeping distance from my own household was leaving me an emotionless robot, just going with the motions. I was not sure how long I could last but then he came along at the perfect moment of weakness and despair here came Brownie to the rescue. But let us back track a bit to a Christmas party (Pre-Covid of course). My partner and I were invited to her colleague’s place for a holiday dinner. We arrived in style of course and once there; we were introduced to our little guy. Undenounced to us that he would be ours, as soon as we sat down on the couch, he jumped on my lap and threw himself back for a belly rub. His beady little eyes stared at me with such innocence and love that I looked at my partner and said, “OMG can we steal him”.

Then months into the work shift of hell, my partner’s colleague from the Christmas party reached out. She was in dire need of a home for that same sweet boy we met before. She was no longer in a good situation at home and was unable to continue to care or even keep Brownie. She even attempted to sell him but no one during a pandemic wanted a 5-year-old yorkie. This poor little guy was in a bedroom by himself with a big bag of food and a bowl of water, alone for weeks on end, barely being checked on or simply walked outside. The owner though she loved Brownie was not educated nor capable of caring for a pet. The news of all this broke my heart and I expressed to my partner that we had to do something. We have a small one bedroom and were not even thinking of a pet until we would have the space for him or her. But now it was an emergency and we both felt he needed to be saved immediately. So, my partner called her colleague and told her we could not pay but we could take him and raise him as our own.

THE BIG DAY!

It was right after July 4th wknd and we had just returned from upstate visiting friends. We received a call from the owner begging for help. She even threatened to release him in the street because no one would claim him. That was the last straw for me and my partner. We had heard enough that we had to step in. My partner let her know we wanted him and just to bring him as is to my partner’s job. Two days later he was headed to my partners place of work. She ran to buy him all he needed and brought him home in a cab. My heart melted when he walked in the door of what was now his new home. His hair was super long and knotted around his belly, he had an ear infection and a UTI. We took him to an animal hospital as soon as they would let us make the appointment and got him all checked out. Meds for a UTI and ear infection, remaining shots, and a bill that was half my paycheck. All worth it since he had never been to the vet in the five years, he was alive all he had was the first shots as a baby from the breeder and that’s it. Thankfully, the doc said he was decent for being stuck in a bedroom not really having much human connection for months and looks as if his infections were recent. We were so happy he was going to get better after a few weeks. That was just the beginning. Yorkies are prone to have issues with dental hygiene and to our knowledge he never knew what it was like to simply have his teeth brushed let alone cleaned. He now knows but does not mean he likes it.

Now, living with this little guy was a definite adjustment. A household of all girls in a small apartment was not a place we wanted to have any pet but now we had to make room for Brownie. Luckily enough I had a small dog cage from when my daughter was 1 and my brilliant mother decided to bring her a 3-month-old jack Russell for her birthday. Clearly it was short lived, and the pup went back to live with grandma. She is now 13 years old and connected to my moms, hip. So therefore, thanks to my hoarder-esc tendencies I still had the darn cage. We set him up for crate training which he was clearly not ok with since he was never trained before and the crying began. He was so anxious and clingy that he would not eat unless we were next to him watching. He would only lay on our laps and followed us everywhere. He would snap at us whenever we would try to move him from the couch or bed. He was overprotective of my partner and caught me a few times but all in all a good dog. He did not bark or tear anything up. He would not even nap unless he was in our arms. It killed us to see him have such separation anxiety so small and fearful at every turn we would eventually leave him, and he would be alone again. Though we were unsure of exactly what he went through there were so many signs that he was not in the best care. Sudden movement would make him jump and bark, we could not even hug each other the first few months as if he witnessed and was subjected to abuse in his past. Rules were never in his vocabulary nor was training. Social interaction with other animals was null and void.

FOUR-LEGGED THERAPIST

So, we gave him as much attention and affection we could possibly give and more. Reassuring him constantly, I must have said “it’s okay” a trillion times by now, but again all worth it. Still will not leave our side but working on it. He is rarely ever alone now, and we plan to keep it that way. I am sure he felt like he was being punished but soon enough he realized he was in a safe space and came to trust us a little more as each day passed. As we each cared for him, he continued to make our hearts melt, especially mine. Dealing with the craziness of the world; just coming home to his excitement, kisses, and jumps of joy, I was now looking forward to walking in the door. The world was not getting any better but my anxiety and depression sure was better now that he was in our lives. While we were caring for him, he was in return healing me at the same time. I have a lot of anxiety and a temper that is a perfect cocktail for impatience and outbursts. Nothing major but I can easily snap at a moment’s frustration. But with Brownie I had to be calm and patient, and repetitive which I loathe. It brought me to a more peaceful mood even when he did something not so nice. A simple rub of the chest is soothing enough to calm the nerves and help relax the mind. That is what dogs do for me personally. Growing up I had a dog to sit with me when I cried, laid on my lap when I was upset, licking my face to make sure I am ok. Brownie does that and much more, but he is more of in-your-face type of love, the kind that doesn’t let you sit up on the couch because when you look over, he’s already alert and ready to go wherever you are going. Not a regular Yorkie is an understatement. Brownie is an amazing little soul. From his excessively large ears down to his cute little nub of a tail. He was and still is so sweet and loving regardless of his neglect Brownie is beyond affectionate and must have some type of physical connection. He is truly a clown that makes me laugh daily, with his smirks, side head nods when I’m speaking to him and his all-around quirkiness. I call him my papa bear more than his name because he’s just a little softy.

He is spoiled with toys and treats of all kinds, holistic food, walks three times a day and even play dates. Though he gets car sick we take him on short trips to grandpa’s house or strolls to grandmas where he gets a nail trim or two. In our home he has his toy room aka the dreadful cage with his basket of clothes and toiletries on top. Yes toiletries, such as his brush, his body spray, his toothbrush, and toothpaste and most importantly his breath spray. He has claimed our bean bag as his own. And very vocal about what he wants and when. He is finally out of his anxiety-built shell! Well almost…. Almost is good enough for us. Eats better than we do now with treats galore and tablets for his breath. He now knows simple commands like sit, wait, go, stay and down. He knows to sit away from us when we are eating or have guests. He now lets us know when its time to go out, so no watch or alarm needed. He loves to play ball even though he is still learning to fetch, he gets excited just to know we are watching him play. Brownie is a social butterfly and wants to say hello to everything with or without four legs. He is well known in our neighborhood, loves kids and at times can even be off the leash. Next stop, Dog park here we come!

Over a year into this pandemic, we are a happy family with walking schedules and play dates included. Our world has forever changed with an unorthodox rescue who saved us more than we did him. A bit of sunshine in the darkness of a world pandemic and all it took was a four-legged friend in need. He was there for us with all the deaths and distance from loved ones. The physical connection we need to push through the tough times he was there to brace it all. What people must realize is that a pet is a huge responsibility even the best-behaved ones need TLC. Brownie was not in a shelter and thankfully never an actual stray roaming the streets, but he was in need and we are so lucky to have him in our lives. My sweet boy’s life started out rocky but now until his last day he will finally know what it is to be loved and genuinely cared for. I do not regret any of it and cannot see myself coming home and not seeing my papa bear.