Marilyn Pugroe

Between a pandemic and white people not knowing how to pick out a costume without potentially ruining their lives, Halloween seems a bit intense this year, so I’m going to sit this one out and enjoy the show from my phone. Seriously though, there’s no excuse to wear costumes that offend beautiful groups of people. We should know better and do better.

I digress; let's get back to the subject at hand. Thanks to Vocal, I’m taking this opportunity to reminisce about one of the best Halloweens ever and try to win some much-needed prize money, so I don't end up on the street. Yay, Capitalism!

The pictures above were taken during a simpler time - Halloween 2013. My trusty steed, Toad AKA Toadnado, accompanied me to the best bar in the semi-great state of Florida, Mac’s Club Deuce. Toad was dressed as the iconic actress Marilyn Monroe - Marilyn Pugroe, if you will.

I was the ghost with the most, and if you look closely at my hand, you’ll see a pill bottle that completes Toad’s ensemble. No disrespect to the deceased. We were going for realism. Now, I know you could have probably gathered all of this just by looking at the picture, but I have to come up with at least 600 words for this, so I’m taking time to state the obvious.

This Halloween was my first social event in weeks. I had a case of intense vertigo after spending the weekend on Toad's parent's boat for the Columbus Day (f#ck him) Regatta in Key Biscayne. It was lit, as the kids say. My liver quivers just thinking about it.

Oh, that’s right—plot twist. Toad isn’t technically my kid, but I am her Uncle Jamie and was granted permission from her mom to submit on their behalf. I hope this doesn’t disqualify us from the competition because this could do great things for Toad’s social media presence. You can find her on the gram @toadnado.

I met Toad and her lovely parents at where else - the Deuce. Seriously, if you’re ever in Miami and don’t go there, I don’t support your life decisions, and I’m a firm believer in “live and let live.” Deuce is the oldest bar in Miami, and the owner lived to be 101 years old. They've served everyone, from people like you and me to the late great Anthony Bourdain, Jennifer Lawrence, and everyone in between. I’m looking at you, Guy Fieri.

It’s dog-friendly, obvi, and has a killer happy hour. I can say with certainty that I have taken a few years off my life with the amount of time I’ve spent with Toad and her parents at this fine establishment. But if I’m being honest, Deuce is for locals, so I probably shouldn’t entice you to go there. The Clevelander and Fat Tuesday’s is where it’s at, folks!

Unfortunately, I took my talents away from South Beach and no longer get to spend my days drinking with Toad and friends. All I have left are the memories. Sipping my Kettle and sodas as Toad ate her carrots and gave dirty looks to random patrons. We played the best bops on the jukebox and sang and barked at the top of our lungs. It was a magical time in my life.

If you happen to ever venture into Deuce, you may get lucky and party with Toad. She still stops in occasionally, but after partying with me for years, the bitch has high expectations for the company she keeps. If she finds you worthy of her time, make sure you come prepared to give her treats, belly rubs and buy her parents some shots.

Cheers and Happy Halloween, everybody!