Dog Food? Really Vocal?

Dear Vocal,

It's time you listened and listened good! I'm joining ranks with my sister Gyspy and my new feline pals, Abigail, Tiger, Richard and Susan to protest this new challenge of yours.

Whatever happened to inclusivity? What happened to fair representation? All these dog challenges. Puh-leeeeeze!

And don't tell me this isn't a dog challenge, the grand prize includes dog food, D.O.G. food! I know where I'm not wanted. But I've never been very good with so-called rules and regulations. And I certainly don't like being left out of a chance for my human to win money. Money buys me treats. I like treats.

Before I get into my story, allow me to educate you. Did you know that according to the Canadian Animal Health Institute's 2020 Pet Population Survey, there are more pet cats than dogs? Yeah, you read that right, more of us than them. 7.7 million dogs and... wait for it...8.1 million cats.

We, the felines, are the majority and it's about darn time we were treated with some respect around here. Nothing against the dogs, they deserve their day too, but come on, Vocal, does it have to be every single day?

To that end, allow me to tell you about one of my favourite memories with my human. Her name is Misty. I love her. There's another human too, a big guy. I could take or leave him if I'm honest. He annoys me, he thinks Misty belongs to him even though we all know she's mine.

Anyway, back to my memory. It's all about the first day I met my human.

When I was very little, I lived in a barn. It was cold and drafty. There were lots of other cats. I didn't like it very much. I had 4 brothers and sisters, but they all disappeared, one by one. Then, I was the last kitten left in the old barn.

They say I was something called "the runt." That means I was the smallest kitty. Nobody ever wants the runt.

I'm not sure what all happened, but Misty wanted me. She saw my picture and wanted me to live with her. Before I knew it, I was going for a car ride. I didn't much care for that. I don't like cars. That was the first and last car ride that led to anything good, just sayin'. You felines out there, you feel me, you know exactly what I mean.

Then, I was home. My first order of business was to survey my surroundings, check things out. I wanted to make sure my new home was to my taste. Of course, as I said, I'd been living in a barn, in Ontario, Canada in late March, so my tastes weren't all that rich.

I found I particularly enjoyed this thing called a loveseat.

After I decided the new digs were to my liking, I had something to eat. There was a new bowl full of food, the good stuff, waiting for me, and another bowl with water.

Then the bad thing happened. I remember the humans making those human noises to each other. They call it talking. It all sounds like gibberish to me, but they seem to understand it, so, whatever.

There were words like fleas and bath and clean. I had no idea what those things were, but boy did I find out. That large human grabbed me, he cuddled me all nice as sweet, then BAM! I was plunged into warm water. WATER!

I'm a cat, I don't like water. I kicked and scratched, but he grabbed me right by my scruff and held me in that vile liquid. That water stuff, it's only good for drinking, you're not supposed to dunk yourself in it. Humans can be so gauche!

Misty put some stuff in the basin and then used some sort of cloth to wet me all over and rub me.

Then it was over. I was absolutely freezing. I was beginning to think I'd made a mistake, trusting these people so quickly. The big guy got another cloth, I think he called it a towel and cuddled me with it. It soaked up a lot of the water.

I was determined to stay mad at these people, but they bought me toys. I liked toys back then.

I also got lots of cuddles and a lot of sleep. And I learned something that has served me well over the years. MY human, Misty, loves me, and she's a soft touch. I can get anything I want from her. I own her. No, seriously, I own her. And I have since that very first day.

I'm not a big fan of humans, except her. I don't like to cuddle. I'm very independent. But I know that if I get on her lap and let her pet me, I can have anything I want. Heck, she'd probably buy me one of those cars humans like so much for half an hour of snuggles.

That first day remains with me even now that I'm a man now. I'm 5 years old. After the bath, I was ready to bolt, but my Misty needs me. And now, I know my feline alliance needs me too.

I know my memory won't win this blatantly dog-favouring challenge. I can accept that, albeit grudgingly. What I can't accept is not acknowledging and honouring the memories of the most popular pet in the nation.

We're cats, we're here, get used to it and give us the respect we deserve!

Sincerely,

On behalf of the Disgruntled Feline Alliance,

Baby The Cat

PS: In the event I am successful in my bid to win this thing, I pledge to give my dog food to my puppy brother Rudy, but if you think I'm above having a nosh, well, think again! I'm petty like that.