Your better self without social media

Around two years ago, I decided to delete all my social media accounts. On the surface it seemed like a radical decision that wouldn't last long, but to this day I haven't regretted it and I want to share the reasons.

Social media is an illusion. It creates a space that you feel you are liked, appreciated, validated and part of a larger group. You can reach people and they react to you, you have many contacts meaning that you are not lonely, you can see how everybody else is living all around the world, you are up to date. It frames the way to a great life. Is it though, really?

There was a time I enjoyed the perks of social media. 5 minutes between feeling upset and posting a cute selfie to boost up my confidence with attention. Sharing my nature weekend getaway to validate that I chose a place with right amount of blue and green. Then I asked myself, why do I need this? Why is it so important to run the race of whose life is within the acceptable circle? Is there any benefit for anybody?

The first thing created a baseline for the no social media idea was quite straightforward. So much infollution. Yes, we enjoy seeing what our friends are up to or some famous people we are curious about, but do you really want to see what the childhood neighbour's kid you used to play is having for dinner? Do you have the slightest curiosity for your best friend's ex boyfriend's new car, whom you followed 5 years ago when they dated for two weeks but you keep in your followers because he is one extra like for your pictures? Too much pollution from too many people.

A second reason that irritated me was the thought of people "swiping up" the things that obviously have value for me. Regardless if it is a nice sunset to appreciate that evening a bit more or bigger things like moving to another country, people just grant two seconds of their attention. We post to share our enthusiasm with others, so that they see the sunset too, or have a good laugh at our 3-year old cousin's cutipie singing. In reality, they look at that for a few seconds and swipe up to whatever comes next. To be honest, I find it degrading. Maybe a small thing like a nice view would not cause resentment, but people share their weddings, children, family, graduations, hard-earned achievements; telling proudly "Look at me, this is a big thing in my life!" in the background and we just swipe up, we could not care less. These experiences deserve more.

On the other hand, there has to be at least some people who genuinely care about our posts and are actually glad to see an aspect of our lives, which we generously shared, right? Still, even if it is the perfect friendship of many years, what does it really contribute to or even make a change in the lives of anybody? Being very realistic, posting a nice picture of self by the seaside will provide nothing. Literally, getting a reaction of "Wow! You're beautiful!" and +1 like will not add anything to my life and seeing the picture does not change anything in the other person's. At the very least, it would cause jealousy, because which one of us isn't in social media. Yet, let's face it, it would make us horrible people to enjoy the "I am better than you" feeling. Also we wouldn't even know, no one is going to say it to our faces but only think about it, before they "like". What is in it for anyone then?

There are also invisible responsibilities that come with "following" each other, a secret agreement. We have 24 hours to look at that story and check if we are updated, else it would be our fault to be left out. If I do not post from where I am, how could I expect others to know? Maybe my friends saw stories of each other and went for drinks together. I was also nearby but haven't posted, so it is technically my fault that I got no invitation. I say, big time no. This is a cruel way to think. The relationships in social media do not reach their potential and there is a constant taking for granted of people. The likes, emojis, comments all create a deceptive sense of "communication", one feels like they are "good friends" and "in touch" because they comment on every picture of each other. However, this is certainly not friendship, acquaintance maybe in the best case scenario.

Overall, there is a constant but subtle race about everything, the attention is superficial and short term in its nature, the quality of so-called communication could be defined best as average and the only reason why we are hooked up is because daily exposure is a great concealer. I decided that the real life was beyond all of this illusion and better or worse, I wanted to embrace the naked truth.

Actually, I just wanted to see if I am satisfied with my life in the absence of other people's thoughts about it. What would happen, if I move to another country and no one knows about it? What if nobody knows about the pretty road I walk everyday, the very Norwegian welcome gift from my colleagues (drikkevott - a single mitten to hold your drink in cold weather) or the sci-fi like robots getting on elevators by themselves in the hospital I work? Would I still enjoy all those things to the fullest if nobody knows?

The answer was yes. It wasn't brutal at all, I simply channeled my energy for the things I wanted to share towards the right people. I am also glad to let go of the fake crowd and enjoy the privacy. All the people who existed between the likes and swipe-up single emoji reactions were gone and I had more space for my actual circle. Now that people knew I was not on social media anymore, they started sharing details of their lives directly. Actual conversations, not like "that looks great! enjoy!" "thanks honey love you!". We have video calls with my friends every once in a while, but regularly. A call in which our attention is not divided to hundreds of other things. It was great to replace the effort to post something to hundreds of followers with actually picking up to phone to tell a particular person. The sincere feeling of "I create time for you because I care about you".

Two years without social media, I am at peace. I am here, surrounded by people I genuinely love and care reciprocally, make effort and time for all of my relationships including the one with myself, do the things I enjoy without any bias, free from illusions and have a real voice that is heard, not hidden in a shallow profile on social media.