Power of Today

Recently, I had found myself in a mediocre state. I felt like I was missing something in life, but did not know exactly what. A beautiful home by the sea, perfect job, stable income, family, friends, enough free time, no main problems... What would I need more? What was this feeling of "not depressed but not really happy, tired but not that much, lack of motivation but still enough to fulfil everyday responsibilities, not lonely but some sort of alienated". Mediocrity at its finest. There are solutions for feelings of sadness or lack of energy, but what do I do with this?

I realised I was constantly thinking about either the past or yet-to-come future. I was getting lost in thoughts about every single place I had lived so far. I was missing London, Freiburg, even the one-week holiday in Bari two years ago, torturing myself about "how happy I was back then". Interestingly, when I compared my circumstances, all signs were in favour of my present. What was different then, in all those other places? I had no answer. Yet definitely the food was tastier, the sun was brighter, I was younger, grass was greener...

I was also continuously switching to fantasize about the future, the upcoming summer. How I would see my family and friends, enjoy the burning heat by the beach, maybe do some light travel and mini road trips... Maybe in the future the food will again taste better, grass will be greener. The uneasy thoughts in here were about this being just a "break", because my reality would still be this overwhelming mediocrity.

One day, after I was again surrounded deep by all those thoughts, it became too much to bear. I just let go of everything and I asked myself "What do you want to do today, right now?". Perhaps due to days of unhealthy overthinking, I first thought of what I didn't want to do. Don't want to cook, that's fine. Work? Have a few easy tasks and plenty of time to complete. Don't want to spend time with friends, okay then don't. Then a very simple, very little thought came up. "I want to do a face mask."

With this one little innocent joyous thought, others started to appear. Apparently, I wanted to do yoga, watch TED talks, study Norwegian, read academic papers, go running, exercise, buy more plants. Little by little, I started building my today.

No, it wasn't my plan at all. I tried perfect daily schedules before, to become healthy, happy, successful: Wake up at 07:00, go running, take a shower, have a healthy breakfast, go to work, don't skip lunch, do yoga, do pilates, drink more water, read papers, study Norwegian, prepare all meals from the weekend and put in the freezer, take time for your friends, call your family. As you could imagine, failed perfectly.

Yet after the face mask, my life became different even before I could notice. No, I did not wake up at 7:00, but I realised that 08:30 is actually a great time to open the windows, let some fresh air in and place my houseplants to get some morning sun. Do I still feel a little sleepy? Why not do some yoga and wake up my body? It feels really good. I feel definitely healthier than yesterday. Since I did yoga, maybe I should have fresh berries, oats and yoghurt for breakfast. Let's start, what do I need to complete today? Emails, presentations, meetings. When the work is done, already 17:00, but I feel good, why not go for running? I can't run more than 3 songs, but who cares, I am not preparing for a marathon. I'll run for 3 songs, just because it's fun, when I get tired I'll sit down and enjoy the view. Then I realise I can add some pilates before I hit the shower. Look at that, it is only 18:00 and I still have free time. Work done, exercise done, 2/2 meals healthy. I can prepare dinner now and watch a TED talk in the meanwhile. A couple of more hours, still free... Okay, maybe one unit in the online Norwegian course that I paid for but haven't done more than two exercises. It's 22:00 now, I can go to bed. I even have time to read before I sleep. That was a regular day from my life now, after I discovered how powerful "today" is. How one little thing can easily lead to a second, happiness can snowball and all of a sudden, you resemble more to the person you want to be.

The power of today is something that I've recently learned. Simply because I started asking myself each day "What do I want to do today?". Because today is big, you can plan your future, learn from your past and still have a lot of time for your present, all within those 24 hours. Plans for the future, short and long term goals are on one side, everyday I am doing my best to keep up with them, like by meeting deadlines or saving money. I do not need to live in the future, as long as I am on my road, it will lead me there. Not to mention, the road is in the present. Past experiences are on another side, I learned what I can and set them aside. If I need to consult on my past, I can. There is no need to constantly loop back without a valid reason, also no need to erase the chance of today to become tomorrow's past.

With a clear mind, the things that would bring joy simply find their way up. By the end of the day, the feeling replaced mediocrity is actually nothing but freedom. I choose what I want from each day. Another individual would have their own decisions, own actions on how to fill their day. It is this freedom that brings joy, blissfulness, pride, a sense of balance, health and optimism. After separating past and future concerns aside, what we are left with is simply today and to be honest, it is quite amazing.