You’re not damaged goods, you’re a filet mignon, baby!

My struggles started when I was a freshmen in highschool. I was a cheerleader, a good one at that, and I knew in my heart I was going places. I had a wonderful group of friends and even started on an All Stars cheer team! I was on cloud 9.

In literally a blink of an eye, all that changed. I fell out of a stunt and broke my neck. I could have been paralyzed but by the grace of God, I was not. I was in pretty bad shape though. I fractured my C4/C5 and only had one ligament holding my neck to my spine which basically saved me from getting paralyzed.

After many trips to the emergency room, what seemed to be an endless amount of doctor visits, MRI/CT scans etc, I was set to have surgery. We (as in my parents) found one of the best neurosurgeons in a near by city and scheduled the day that would continue to alter the rest of my life.

Now, let’s skip forward racing past the humiliating times walking down the hallways in a neck brace, facing who I thought were my friends, having what I loved ripped out of my own grip and learning to navigate my life in pain (both physically and mentally). I never really understood what kind of emotional toll it would take me through.

I was lost. I felt like damaged goods. I did not feel good enough for anything...... or anyone.. even my cheer friends. I did not feel worthy. I pushed most of my friends away, became very quiet, almost like an introvert, and had to try and figure out what I was going to do with my life.

It wasn’t until this year, almost 18 years later (3 kids, a husband and a 13 year career in insurance) that I started to figure out why my life never really fell into place. My head was full of so many insecurities, self doubt, low confidence and fear... Alot of fear; fear of rejection, fear of judgement, fear of not being good enough and the list goes on and on.

I had so many blessings but never felt a true amount of joy except on the most important days of my life (my kids births and my wedding day). Aside from that, I felt depressed, anxious, broken, introverted and lost. I felt like damaged goods. I did not feel good enough for anything...... or anyone (not my husband or my kids). I did not feel worthy. Moments in my life (triggers) took me back to exactly how I felt in Highschool.... But why? Was it PTSD? I never got it confirmed/ diagnosed by a doctor but read about it and learned that was a real possibility.

Now let’s, jump to present day. I am still figuring out my purpose in life aside from being the best MaMa Bear I can be and the most supportive and loving wife to my husband.

I have been feeling a tug in my heart to open a business... Exactly, how / what / when / where etc.. I don’t have much of a clue but still thinking it through with my spouse.. I also felt like creating a blog could help me get my thoughts and emotions out while helping others who have felt the same way that I have been feeling (I am also still figuring this out). I have jumped through many hoops and pushed through many walls to help pull me out of the dark cloud that was surrounding me.

With the help of my mentor, watching many YouTube videos (that I can share if requested) on breaking through fears and becoming my authentic self, I can honestly say I am in a much better place now. I am starting to find myself, love myself, not listen to my inner thoughts telling me that I am not good enough or making me feel judged by others and learning to love myself.

All this to say, I AM NOT DAMAGED GOODS. YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS! BABY, YOU ARE A FILET MIGNON! I am a foodie and love me some steak so when I say this I say it with every happy/excited/hungry ounce of my being. I AM WORTHY. YOU ARE WORTHY AND WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH! WE ARE BEAUTIFUL, WE ARE SMART AND WE ARE CAPABLE. Those words of affirmation can really help a girl pick herself up and help her keep her head held high even in the hardest of times. LOVE THE SKIN YOUR IN BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE! XoXo