You have the world in your hands.

People know that bad stuff happened to me, and it’s all par for the course my life went on. My feelings of safety and love were shattered when I was 7 years old. My family was already broken, and I was the kind of child that never wanted to add to the stress of situations, so I kept my secrets and pain to myself... and I carried them with me for 17 years. I was always running away from those feelings. Searching for an escape in any way that felt good and I also thought if I just kept moving; nothing could catch up to me. It’s why I first moved to Arizona, and it did heal me at first. Going off on my own and exploring all of the mountains, deserts, and canyons I could; brought me the peace and serenity I needed. It was only a matter of time before everything caught back up to me, and when it did; it hit hard. A few know the events that transpired that led me back to Austin, but very few witnessed how bad it was for awhile. I went to a deep, dark place that myself, and even everyone who loved me didn’t know if I was going to make it back out of. To top all of that off; I had met a man who preyed on my vulnerability and then brutalized me for months and months. The truth is I had hit rock bottom at so many points in my life, and I always came back up, but I can’t put into words what this particular kind of broken felt like. I was stripped of my wonder, courage, and hunger for life. I’ve spent the last 3 years both battling the lifetime of unhealthy coping mechanisms I had established for survival, and learning to heal from all that broke me. I went from never, ever asking anyone for help to being so terrified of the world; I felt I couldn’t do anything on my own. When you lose trust in yourself to make good choices and take care of yourself; what do you have left? Today I stood on the edge of Bryce Canyon, and I bawled my eyes out. I cried for baby Taelyr, I cried for my grams, I cried for Juan, and I cried for Summer. Today it finally sank in that life is too short, and this world is too beautiful.. to be scared all of the time.