You Can’t Teach an old Dog New Tricks:

This 'wisdom' might be true in the canine world, but fortunately for humans, we are able to learn new ways right to the end of life. This is true for new behaviors and also for new ways of thinking, new beliefs and attitudes, new emotional responses and whole new approaches to life.

I frequently hear people say, “I’m too old to change’, or “this is me, I’ve always been like this and always will be”. I never tire of helping people see that there is no eternal or unchanging self. We have been given the gift of that wonderful part of the human brain, the frontal cortex that allows us to choose what we attend to mentally. The frontal cortex enables us to change in so many ways because it’s here that we can plan and initiate actions, we can organize and monitor our behavior. Best of all, when we repeat thoughts, ideas, actions etc. pathways develop in the brain so that these new ways of being, become our new norm.

The first step is the motivation to change. If we will only be alert to them, we are given frequent prompts that there are choices in the way we see and interact with our world.

• At times it will be a chance comment perhaps even something overheard, that will spark our interest and for a short while at least, will open up the possibility of a changed approach. It is our challenge to be alert to the messages, to initiate and maintain change – but more of that later.

• For some, the message will come in the form of a medical diagnosis, with the confronting news clearly indicating that a new approach may well provide an improved outcome. Such a trigger for a changed outlook occurs, for example, when someone experiences and survives a heart attack. They can, for example, ignore the message and continue a stress-filled life and less than optimal diet, or they can embrace a new and unfamiliar path.

• With the death of a loved one, or some other seemingly negative event, we can be catapulted into an unwanted change, one that triggers or even demands the re-thinking and restructuring of our lives. We can fight against it, and often do initially – which is understandable. But to cling to the impossible is totally unproductive, so if we can accept the changes that face us, and adopt the new, even if not willingly at first, perhaps we do so with resignation, but if we persist we will learn that this cloud too has a silver lining. Perhaps this is the point to give you an example from my own life. I was catapulted into an unwanted change when my baby son died at the age of six weeks. At the time I didn’t imagine that I would ever see that this trauma would ever have a positive impact on my life, but it did. Not that I would ever thank the universe for that experience, I wouldn’t! But it’s true to say that if this hadn’t happened, I probably would not have become a psychologist, and certainly wouldn’t have been as effective or empathetic.

The above examples are just a couple of the ways we can be presented with the opportunity to change our ways, and there are many examples within each of these categories. In the first, it might be a meme on social media, a news article or headline or even a moral presented in a novel or movie, rather than the spoken word. In the second category, it might be our own, or another person’s health issue that becomes the impetus for change. In the third category, it need not be a death that leads to change, but any form of loss, for example the loss of a job, the failure of a business, the ending of a friendship – all of which seem to be negatives but if we are alert to possibility, could all lead to a new and positive reframing of thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs as well as the self-introduction to new behaviours and even ways of being.

Often though, we slip back into our self-imposed rut. Doing the same old tricks is the easy way out, but it can be very boring and not very productive. Learning new ways can be daunting, however, the effort is likely to be repaid with interest – the stimulation and sense of accomplishment we get from deciding on change and then working to ensure it comes about, is enormous.

We can choose to remain stuck doing the same old things, or we can choose to learn new tricks for living a more fulfilling, purposeful or productive life. The secret is in deciding what we can do right now to make it so. The step we can take now might not be the ultimate change, but it could well be instrumental in finding purpose, being more productive – or whatever the goal is.

So once we have received a message that there might be a better or different way of living life, or some aspect of life, how do we go about learning the new tricks?

 Make sure the goal or aim is meaningful to you, or change won’t happen

 Make sure the change in thinking or behavior is manageable at this time, don’t set yourself up for failure by having unrealistic or impossible expectations – you can always move up to more difficult tricks as you master the more basic ones

 Ensure that you enjoy learning the new way – we don’t like chores as much as we do playing – so if you can in the circumstances, be playful in your approach

 See my soon-to-come: ‘A Leopard Can’t Change its Spots’ for additional hints on effecting change

I hope you take up the challenge of heeding messages that suggest change, and have the courage and determination – peppered with a sense of fun – that will help you learn new and better ways of being, no matter what your age. Remember, the brain is capable of forming new pathways right up to the end of our lives.

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