Wild Child

My mother told me that when I was just a little girl I was more like a ball of fire. I’ve always been on the run- busy as can be and with a need to be moving at least 10 miles per hour even while trying to sit still. A very picturesque poster child of a Sagittarius- a true wild child.

I was an adventurer, a leader, and a ferocious force to be reckoned with. Impulsive? Yes. So honest that it hurts? Even at an early age, I was never one to sugar coat things. As I grew older and the world started to chip away at my confidence and shiny optimism, I began to dim my light. There was this need to shrink so that I could fit into boxes and please those around me. What began as a means to find those who would accept me and allow me to be myself in my entirety, started years of self loathing and pretending that I was prim and proper like all the other women and girls I saw in my life. I never felt like other girls growing up. I spent my adolescent years wishing I could be just like everyone else, but I struggled for so long to not only fit in but feel like it was ok to be authentic in who I had been in my younger years. I had people I loved dearly tell me they hated these cardinal traits about me. Tell me that I needed to be more agreeable or that no one likes someone who speaks their mind. I went through a vicious cycle of hating who I was and feeling like the person I wanted to be wasn’t good enough.

After spending so much time being bitter, hating everything about myself, and being constantly exhausted by the life I was existing in I thought back to how happy I had once been as a little girl. Where had the ball of fire gone? She was so fearless and brave and whatever she was scared of she still dove head first into. She never asked permission to live or be or exist. Internally, I asked myself, “What would my life be like if I tried to find that girl again? The Sagittarius, fun loving, fiery girl that I used to know.” This thought struck me. It was a real epiphany and I thank the universe and stars for that sign.

I was called back to myself. It’s taken a long time to shed all the layers of hurt that took away the soul and shine underneath. I know now that I had to forget who I was meant to be in this lifetime and exactly who the stars chose for me to eventually come back home to myself. The people who used to belittle and question my character and heart no longer had access to my energy and my being. I started to recognize all of the wonderful and unique things that I bring to the table and celebrate them. I started to appreciate my need for honesty and passion in all areas of my life. I started to finally feel the lust for life that was missing for so many years flood back in.

You see, when you invite and accept every fiber of your being back into your life, magic starts to happen. Life starts to feel less heavy. It has taken me 22 years to realize that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m simply not everyone’s cup of tea and for that, I am grateful. Having my sun sign as my true north guiding me back home helped me to remember exactly who I was from the day I inhabited this earth. Sometimes it takes you forgetting who you are to find yourself and charge full steam ahead at the life you deserve. I love being a wild child. My star sign is a reminder of exactly who I am. Some will tell me it’s coincidence, but the universe doesn’t make any mistakes. Being able to unapologetically be me is the best gift I could have ever received.

So now, I say what needs to be said, love with an overflowing heart, bare my teeth when necessary, and thank my lucky stars that I found my own personal power to follow my arrow and pave the way for myself. I’m a sagittarius though- so I think we all expected that.