Why Can’t I Take a Compliment?

Is it just me that has the cringe to end all cringes whenever someone pays me an unexpected compliment ? Don’t get me wrong, I like to think my self esteem is at a healthy level , well as healthy as a 24 year old woman in the introductory quarter of her life trying to figure out who she wants to be in this world’s can be. By that I mean that I wouldn’t say I’m particularly shy or uncomfortable with myself which made it all the more confusing when I really started thinking about the fact that I really struggle any time someone I don’t know well , particularly those of the opposite sex, pays me a compliment.

It wasn’t until recently, as I started a new relationship that I noticed it was actually more of a problem than I realised. Why do I recoil when my boyfriend tells me how beautiful he thinks I am? Why do I look like I just sucked on a lemon when he tells me how amazing he thinks I am? Why do I panic and not know how to respond? Thank yous feel inadequate and leave me with no idea what to say next or how to continue the conversation.

After thinking about it I realised two things. 1. My self esteem wasn’t as high as I thought. Yes, I am confident and for the most part happy with myself and who I am. I have things I don’t like about myself sure ,but everyone does right? Everyone has those things whether it’s a personality trait , a facial feature, weight , height or a even a laugh that they are insecure about but for the most part I figured I was in a pretty good state of mind. Which lead me to realisation number 2. I didn’t believe the compliment if it was coming from someone else ,particularly from men, because I didn’t believe someone other than myself could believe I was worth it. Because when friends pay me a compliment it’s simply because they love me and are bias right? So why ? Why couldnt I believe that someone else could find me beautiful or worth the compliment ?

A psychologist would probably say it leads back to my childhood/early teens a.k.a when I experienced my first taste of bullying which would continue all through high school and even a little bit during university , or that it stems from the social conditioning that all of us girls go through from day dot teaching us that we have to be not too thin but not too fat , not too tall but not too short, wear make up so we look “pretty” but not too much make up or we‘ll look fake and to wear something flattering but not too flattering or we’ll look easy. In truth it is most likely both of those things but also purely a lack of self awareness and self worth. Yes ,I may have suffered many blows to my self esteem from the words and actions of others. Yes, I may have felt inadequate when I looked at the beautiful models in the magazines or the gorgeous actresses on my TV screen and I am sure at times I will still be affected by both of those things, but the truth is I am in control of how I see myself and what I think I am worth and besides, who am I to decide how OTHERS perceive me? Who am I to think that my boyfriend calling me beautiful can’t be true because I am self conscious, isn’t that almost an insult to him?

I am in control of how I see myself and what ,or who,I compare myself to. The fact that a simple compliment can have me in an awkward tizz just goes to show I am not as self aware as I thought , which is okay. If there’s one thing I am certain of,it’s that it’s okay not to realise things right away and I will forever be learning new things about myself as I grow as a person and a woman.

I definitely won’t magically become capable of accepting compliments without feeling awkward ,weird or disbelieving now that I am aware of the problem but it is step one in attempting to better myself . Ultimately I am worth the compliment and I am worth the nice feeling that comes with it but above all even if I don’t think I deserve it I am not the one that’s deciding . If someone else thinks I deserve the compliment I shouldn’t be belittling that and them by letting my insecurities take away from the nice gesture and the genuine expression of care or interest they are trying to show me. From now on I will be working to accept all the compliments that are thrown at me without my brain internally flipping out. The compliment giver has already decided the receiver is worth it before even uttering a word so who am I to try and make it about my insecurities instead of their kindness?

If someone decides I am worth complimenting then I guess that means I do deserve it, and so do you. I hope you can accept all the compliments in the world knowing you damn well are worth it.

Stay real my friends.

Brooke