When Your Ex-husband says no

I am grateful that he taught me to never give up on my dreams. I felt like he wasn't fair to me. I felt like I was always overworked on my writing. He would always say I never spent enough time with him.

I remember beginning him to come home with no luck. He would always tell me to stay put. At that point I came to the conclusion he didn't want me to come home. Even though he reassured me nimbus times that he does want me home he just wanted me to stay put.

I can remember all the hard times we had, and all the good times we had. It just got to the point there was nothing left in the relationship to be fixed.

I know when my husband said no about us getting back together that was the hardest thing to hear. He tried to help me and inspire me but I have to make it work with my future new husband for our babies sake. I think on some level I knew it was over between me and Shane. That chapter of my life is over. It wasn't easy to close the book on that chapter but I did. For that I am glad I don't have to share my money with no one.

I felt like my ex and I just fell out of love with each other. Talking about it with Chris has been hard because I know he hasn't been married before and I cheated on my ex with him. Something I knew I couldn't take back. What was harder to swallow I have no problems with my sex drive with Chris but with Shane I always did.

When I talk to Chris about the future and what I want to do he always says we will cross that bridge when we get there. It's not a time that I have to rush, or anything. It's always a relaxing moment no need to rush, just enjoy the ride.

When the journey starts I look forward to everything. Nothing is ever easy when I speak or write about Shane. Because I think there is always going to be a moment I'm always going to love him. But I need to let those emotions go, I made my bed now I gotta lie in it. I cheated on him with Chris because I didn't realize how much I miss him. Sometimes I just wonder how hard I truly thought this through. The hardest thing, was when I lost my family because I was crying for help from them. Then in the mist of my pain I banished myself from there side. I can't even remember when I argued with them. I think it was over my independence honestly. I know something I wasn't right when I was arguing with them over that. I was annoyed with them over so much.

Now because I wanted my independence to soon they kicked me out of there house.

So much has happened this year I've gained a lot and lost a lot. There is only so much to gain from this pain. I can honestly say that the pain was to much to bear.

When I look back on everything that I have been through this year I think to myself how strong I am to have lost this much without losing my will to keep going. I am excepting a baby to come, my insurance covers the babies birth at the hospital. I am going to be so tired by the time all this is said and done..