When was the last time you practiced the F word?

When was the last time you practiced the F word?

You’re probably thinking about the F word , the one that contains 4 letters. No, not that F word.

I am talking about another F Word, it contains 11 letters.

That F word is , FORGIVENESS.

According to the The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as "pardon of a fault, remission of debt. To give up, cease to harbour resentment, wrath.”

Forgiveness is very different for every human being that lives it. Forgiveness is no small affair either and we cannot rationalize, intellectualize, manipulate or bully ourselves into feeling it. Forgiveness is sometimes taking the knife out your own back and putting it down.

With that being said, It took me a very long time to learn and understand the belief that the act of forgiveness is NOT saying ,

Your pain is automatically gone.

You are back to being the very person you were before it happened.

Life can now just pick up where you left off, like nothing ever happened.

You are relieving the person of responsibility.

You are weak.

Your sensitivity is the problem.

You share the blame for what happened.

You no longer view what happened as important anymore.

You can forget what happened.

______

The way we view forgiveness, in many ways, is extremely flawed. There are so many slogans that have been around for centuries “forgive and forget,” In the grand scheme of things , It’s a nice saying, but very misleading. Why?

When we forgive we don’t forget. It’s impossible. Whoever says it’s easy , is lying. Forgetting is by no means an inherent part of forgiving, nor should it ever be. Yes, the world can be a tough place. Pain teaches us that in order to survive it, we must become equally as tough. Holding on to pain and anguish for years on end , really doesn’t serve much justice . These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger and bitterness and some cases vengeance.

Self-Forgiveness and the Value of Forgiving Yourself

Forgiveness can also look like forgiving the part of you that holds on to memories that don’t feel so good and not getting the lesson for your growth...so you can gracefully move forward.

If I’m being truly honest, the thing I used to fear the most was spending most of my life forgiving others and not learning to forgive myself.

You see, lack of forgiveness can take a heavy toll on ones life if not properly dealt with.

It wasn’t until the past 2 years that I really started forgiving myself , and the first time in years I can honestly say by doing so gave me much needed peace. Forgiving myself allowed me to no longer be held captive to any resentment. It also allowed me to start focusing on other things that are important. I learned to let go and grow inorder to fully embrace freedom. There is no such thing as partial letting go, you have to let go completely so you can completely embrace peace.

I want to make it clear Forgiveness does not eradicate responsibility. Forgiveness is a long process that will take a long time, and the process will be different for each and everyone. It’s not unloving to hold someone accountable. Often, accountability is the most loving thing you can do because it could lead to repentance.

Everyone makes mistakes, but learning how to learn from these errors, let go, move on, and forgive yourself is important for mental health and well-being. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Stay Radiant

-Ss