When Is the Best Time to End and Start?

Hi, I’m T.J.Parker, and you can call me T.J for short. It’s a pen name I came up with when I decided I want to become a published author someday; it's a combination of my real name's initials and a fictional character’s name that I read years ago, and no, it's not Spiderman. His name was Parker, and he had a tragic life and death. How his story ended always bothered me, and I felt that he deserved better. So, I thought, this is the best way to pay homage to him.

If you asked me a decade ago if I would consider becoming a writer, joining a contest, or even publishing something—I’m sure that I would say NO. I never saw myself as the kind of person who can tell stories, peak people’s interests, or entertain them. Back then, the closes to writing that I ever did was my school essays. I was one of those people, who doesn’t even know how to properly use a semi-colon, em-dash, and don’t even get me started with commas; these guys were tricky as hell for me on where to place them. I don’t know how to write a promising beginning to a paragraph and how to strikingly end one. So with all that in mind, I just crossed writing in “my list of wants and things to do.”

Now, what changed? Well, when I experienced one of the lowest points in my life. I felt lonely, unimportant...voiceless, and to cope-up with it, I let my mind wander. I created stories in my head together with characters and plotlines that would both—amaze and shock me; I sometimes ask myself, if what I’m doing is still healthy? And if I need to go out more and meet new people, hahaha! Anyways, I would always try to go back to where I left, but sometimes I would lose track of it that I decided that I should just write it down. I would reread the things that I wrote, and that's when it hit me—I should try writing even if that means I would end up looking like a 4th grader trying to learn the basics of grammar and English again. I accepted the fact— that I would still need to learn a lot and begin from the very start, and I might make a complete fool out of myself. But I think—if you truly believe in something, even if the whole world would take you as a clown or look at you as too ambitious to the point of overreaching, you should still do it.

So, to practice, I tried writing online about anything, and for the past months, I have been sharing my thoughts about movies and books that I have read. As I was becoming more confident, I figured I should step up my game and step away from my comfort zone. I started joining contests, and let me tell you—I haven’t won any! But that didn’t discourage me. I read the entries, especially those who won. So, I can learn from them and improve my writing skills. I looked for more contests I could join online and stumbled upon this challenge. Initially, I was going to enter the Vocal Challenge for fiction. I was working with my submission for 3-weeks now when I realized that I chose the wrong challenge. I thought and wrote all these characters and plotlines to make it as interesting, as I can, for the readers. I want them to enjoy and be inspired, like how writing and “daydreaming” comforted me, and that's when it became clear. I can write one of the best fiction stories or worst out there hahaha! But the best story I can share with people—is mine, and the only person who can write it as truthful and raw as possible—is me.

Like, before I create these characters and share them with the world, maybe I should make my story shine a little bit too. I may not be able to fly, snap my fingers and make things alive, or become a secret spy, although this could still be possible for me, never lose hope! Hahaha just kidding! I have always been a safe person, always hesitant to do things and outside my comfort zone, and trying out writing as a career is like gambling, and all my cards are on the losing end, but I’m risking it. I’m working while I still post articles online, and at the same time, working on my short story compilations that I hope would become a book someday. It's hard to juggle everything which also includes my personal life too, but every time I crave going back to my comfort zone, I think about how amazing it would be for me to share the thoughts that were just once in my head and turn them into ink. Nothing beats waking up in the morning that despite knowing that life can be harsh and unfair, we can still enjoy it by having that special thing inside us... a secret whether it might be a dream, person, or anything that would make life bearable, help keeps us going, and encourage us keep that faith about how everything is going to be fine and worth it.

If I didn't have that leap of faith in me, I would probably still be miserable and lost right now. Sometimes uncertainty brings us to where we really need to be, and it might be scary, but we just need to start and never look back. Don’t get me wrong, it takes time to change and get over the things that we are used to, heck it took me 3-years to realize that. I’m still getting there, as I said, I still have to learn, but one thing I’m certain of—I’m glad I did what I did, and I don’t think I’m ever going to stop. So, to whoever is reading this, I hope you get to that point too, finding something you are passionate about. Thank you for reading and I hope you guys have a good day!