What is Success?

Like most people, I defined Success as a material or monetary possession. I believed that without a lot of money I would not feel successful, have high self-esteem or even self-worth. Trying to meet the expectations I have set for myself prevented me from living in the present moment and focusing on many activities that were right in front me that I could have considered a success. I was waiting to land that high paying job, that promotion that may be around the corner, meeting Mrs. Right or owning that fancy car. As I went through life and faced a different reality, I realized that this definition of success I was holding on was very subjective, general rather than circumstantial, seemed unattainable, and negatively affecting my self-esteem and self-worth.

The first realization is defining success for oneself, making it subjective. Many of us grow up with the belief that success has to do with material and monetary possession or gain. We hold on to the belief that society has laid out for us or beliefs that we have acquired through our upbringing, while desperately waiting for our success to manifest, but it never did, or it may come in a different form. But then, we may be too focused on the expectations, and may not recognize that success has always been around us. However, when we finally define success for ourselves, we start to see it in a new light. I have come to define success for myself as being able to accomplish a goal I set for myself, and that can contribute to my overall life in some way. Wherever that goal maybe, small or big, the idea is that we get a sense of achievement. For instance, we can set a goal to conquer our fear of rejections by learning to talk to different people when we go out or at an event and this act contributes to our overall relationship building skill.

The second realization is assigning a meaning to success. Depending on what we are trying to achieve, whether material in nature or not, the value you see in the actions you take is what matters to you. For instance, one may see success as having a high paying job even if it does not make one happy, while another can see success as being able to do what one loves even when it does not pay well. The difference between these two is that the first one assign material possession like money as value, while the other assign joy and freedom of time to it. By assigning the meaning for us, we either see success or failure. We realize that we can feel successful by how we feel, and not by what we possess.

The third realization is viewing success as circumstantial, and not defining your overall life success. This leads us to define and assign a meaning to success depending on the situation we are facing. As a result, we focus on the act of working toward the success we want to accomplish at a point in time, which can positively impact our lives somehow, but does not define our overall life success. This attitude allows us to confidently dive into working on our goals with a specific target in mind. For instance, imagine starting a new job and setting yourself goals that can lead to accomplishments that you see as success. How about setting a goal to complete a course that can advance your career and you successfully completing it or imagine a parent committing to their child ‘s every baseball game. These small or big successes are circumstantial, but can positively impact one’s overall life.

The fourth realization is how we define success can either build or lower our self-esteem, and ultimately our self-worth. Each one of us has different values, interests, wants and needs from those of others, making it natural to achieve different things and growth toward different paths. This helps us focus on goals that are important to us, and work to accomplish them. Rather than focusing on looking successful, we focus on building what matters to us, and in return builds our self-esteem, and seeing ourselves in a positive light. The truth is as part of society, we tend to compare ourselves to others. As a result, if we focus on other’s accomplishments, we may feel bad about ourselves and lose sight of our goals. However, when we focus on our own accomplishments and goals, we pay less attention to others, and in return, we help build our self-esteem. This can lead to our growth as individuals and help us forge our own identity.

When we define success for ourselves, assign meaning to it, and focus on achieving our goals with these meanings in mind, what success means becomes not only clear, but it also becomes attainable, making the process of working toward our goals more enjoyable.