What do you really want?

How much time do you spend wishing things were different?

If I only had a better job. If I could just lose 10 pounds. If I could win a million dollars, everything would be better.

But there’s a problem with that. Wishing doesn’t change anything.

I turned 58 last year.

I still hadn't achieved half of what I dreamed I would have done by then, and I suddenly realised that when my mother was my age, she only had two years of life left. What a wakeup call! 

It’s time I stopped wishing things were different and start working to change them.

In his book Blessed are the Weird, Jacob Nordby says that "changing the status quo takes courage, and an ability to face up to the fear of failure." Nordby outlines a process to take inventory of your life and decide what's working, what's not, what you'd prefer your life to look like, then planning how to get there.

Tony Robbins sets out a three-step method for change called Outcome Purpose Action (OPA), this method inspires “Massive Action” to achieve your desired outcome.

O – Outcome: Know what you want to achieve.

P – Purpose: Know why you want to achieve it. Be clear, the clearer you are the more likely you will get what you want. 

A – Action: Take massive action needed to achieve what you want.

Robbins adds to the above:

“If you take action and you fail. Change the action. If you fail again, change the action… Keep changing what you do until you get what you want.”

There is a question that counsellors and coaches often ask: “If money and time were no object and you knew that you couldn’t fail, what would you do?”

This is a good way to start thinking about what you really want. It allows you the space to dream big while removing all the mental blocks and fear of failure from the equation.

When I followed these processes, I discovered that my deepest desire is to live a life of independence in every regard. It's a little scary to reach that conclusion so late in life, but it's true. Until about nine years ago, I had no idea of what it meant to be alone, to support myself, or, to put it in today's parlance, I had no real clue how to 'adult.'

I learned. I am still learning, and the magical thing about it, is that once you go after one change, you will soon realise there are other things you want. It's a process that psychologists call actualising tendency: that innate drive that pushes all living things towards growth (Positive Psychology).

I recently resolved to go after all the things which, for me, make up a life of independence. I started writing again, I enrolled to study Holistic Counselling and I learned to 'embrace my weird' (Felicia Day). I am on the brink of that “Massive Action” that will build the life I truly want. I’m excited. I’m a little scared. Most of all, I am determined to make it, this time.

In a sense, all of this means getting back in touch with your inner child. Remember when you wanted something and you'd just ask for it, or go after it? That. Do that.

"A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason. to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires." - Paulo Coelho