Compassion in Action
It begins the mind
Living as an empathetic person in today’s world is fraught with pain and tension. Empathy means to ‘feel with.’ To identify so deeply with the suffering of another being, that you become immersed in their pain. It seems noble. It feels like an effective method, I mean, it is good to acknowledge the pain of others. It is nice to let them know you see their suffering.
Is it really, though? How useful can you be to someone who is hurting if you are suffering too? If two men are drowning in the sea with no flotation device nearby, who will look for that wooden spar that would save them?
Vicarious Trauma (VT) is a term used by psychologists to describe the emotional and mental exhaustion that often affects empathetic people - first responders and frontline workers - who have so immersed themselves into the pain of others that they collapse emotionally and are unable to respond to trauma effectively.
This has happened to me, and it has happened to people I love. It hurts, it’s exhausting, and it reduces the ability to effectively care for others.
There is a wealth of techniques to be fond online for caring professionals to deal with VT. While these methods will help anyone who has got to this stage of burnout, this article looks at the ways I have learned to deal with it.
When I first noticed that I was emotionally exhausted by caring about people, I felt terrible. How could I be tired of caring? How could my empathy for others burn out to the point where I needed to push people away who wanted to share their pain with me? I must be a terrible person! Everything I had believed about myself and my ability to hear and relate to people, dissolved. I was left with a deep exhaustion that made me want to hide in my bed and never listen to people’s problems again. I quit work. I ended up on disability, my marriage finally and irrevocably broke down.
That period of rest and isolation, though painful, was necessary. It gave me time to hear my own suffering and begin the process of healing it.
It was around that time that I began to take an interest in mindfulness and meditation. Soon, my interest led me to the writings of Thich Naht Hanh and Eckhart Tolle.
In their simple teachings I found the stillness my soul craved.
- Meditation
One of the hardest things to do in this hurried, harried world is to still the mind. To let go of thought, to release the soul to the freedom of being in the present moment. That is what mindfulness meditation is all about. It is not so much a blanking of the mind as it is merely to notice it. Thoughts come and go. They are not challenged. Never examined too closely. They are allowed to flow on the breath and when they become too frenetic, it is the breath that restores focus. “Breathing in, I know, I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out” (Thich Naht Hanh).
There is a Sanskrit mantra which I turn to repeatedly when that fatigue comes creeping back.
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.
Loosely translated, it means: May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may my thoughts, words and deeds contribute in some way to that happiness and freedom.
- Quaker practice
In (unprogrammed) Quaker tradition, silence is how the meeting connects to inner peace. Some Quakers call that inner source god. Others call it the inner light. No one is ever told what to believe or what to call their inner knowing, there is space for all things. Quakers have a saying: “There is that of god in everyone.” This egalitarian and universalist approach attracted my tired, aching soul to Quaker practice, the way that water attracts the panting deer in the desert.
Quakers uphold the central values of Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality and Stewardship. Everything they do centres around how to treat everyone with kindness and dignity. It is kindness in action as well as in feeling.
The above practices helped me learn how to use compassion for others in place of empathy. Identifying with another’s sorrow is a good and noble thing, but compassion provides necessary emotional distance to clearly think of solutions to the pain.
Spiritual teachers throughout history, from Christ to the Dalai Lama have spoken of compassion, the hand extended to rescue the floundering man, as opposed to diving in to drown alongside him.
“I believe compassion to be one of the few things we can practice
That will bring immediate and long-term happiness to our lives.”
- Dalai Lama
About the Creator
M L Breton
M L Breton is a student of Holistic Counselling. When not studying, she endeavours to find the wonder in everything and write it down for others to share. She has previously published novels in the Historical and LGBTQIA+ genres.
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“The Words That Could Save a Life: A Story About Advice, Ego, and the Hearts We Forget”
There is an old saying: “A wise person learns from advice. A proud person learns from regret.” This is a story about both. There once was a boy who grew up hearing advice from everyone around him. His parents, teachers, elders, and friends — all of them tried to guide him. They warned him about choosing the wrong friends. They reminded him to respect time. They told him not to let anger, ego, and selfishness poison his heart. But like many of us, he believed he already knew everything. Whenever someone advised him, he smiled politely on the outside — but inside he thought: “I’m different. I’ll be fine. Nothing bad will happen to me.” So he ignored the small warnings of life. He cut off people over small arguments. He shouted instead of listening. He lied to escape responsibility. He chose friends who laughed at rules and mocked wisdom. He stopped spending time with family because he thought they didn’t “understand” him. He thought freedom meant doing whatever he wanted — without consequences. But life is patient. And life always teaches — one way or another. Slowly, he began losing the people who once stood closest to him. His best friend moved away after a fight that was never healed. His parents stopped advising him — not because they didn’t care, but because their hearts were tired. His teachers gave up correcting him because he rejected every word. From the outside, his life looked normal. But inside, something was missing — peace. One night, he finally sat alone in silence… and silence can be loud. Thoughts began replaying in his mind like a film. He remembered every moment someone tried to guide him. Every warning. Every soft reminder. Every gentle voice that said, “This path will hurt you.” And for the first time, he asked himself: “Why didn’t I listen?” It wasn’t lack of knowledge. It wasn’t lack of love. It was ego. Ego had whispered inside him: “You don’t need advice. You’re always right. You’re smarter than them.” But ego is a beautiful liar. It makes you feel strong while quietly destroying your relationships, your discipline, and your peace. That night, he realized something powerful: Wisdom doesn’t come from age. Wisdom comes from humility — the ability to listen. The next day, he did something difficult — something most people never do. He apologized. He apologized to his parents, not because they demanded it, but because his heart finally understood their worry. He apologized to friends he had hurt. He apologized to himself — for not valuing his own future. And slowly… life softened again. His parents’ voices became warm again. His friendships began to heal. His mind felt lighter. He started listening before reacting. He didn’t change overnight — but he had finally begun the journey. He changed not because the world forced him — but because advice finally reached his heart. That day, he promised himself: 🕊️ “Whenever someone gives me sincere advice, I will not fight it. I will think about it. I will learn from it.” Because the truth is simple: The people who advise you are not trying to control you. They are trying to protect the version of you that you have not yet become. And one more truth: Advice always arrives before regret. Regret arrives when advice is ignored. Moral / Life Lesson • Advice is not a restriction — it is protection. • Ego is the biggest enemy of growth. • Listening is not weakness — it is wisdom. • The people who correct you are the people who care. One day, you will look back and realize: The words you once ignored… were the very words that could have saved you. So when life sends you guidance — through parents, teachers, faith, friends, or even strangers — don’t shut your heart. Because the doors of wisdom only open… for those willing to listen.
By Shahab Khan7 days ago in Motivation
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