What a big difference my life has become in 15 years.

I never thought that I would be in this place ever in my life. My life as many of you know was not easy. I went through many ups and downs and I made many things worse for myself by using drugs. I can thoroughly admit that I could have had a better life without using drugs. I had to for my back but I did not have to overdo the drugs as I did. But enough of the drugs even though that was a huge part of my life for so many years.

When I first started hitting the clubs it was all over for me. I was at the club every single weekend like clockwork. I was a dancing fool. I dirty danced, that was the thing back then. Sexual dancing for women and I had a crowd that would love to watch me dance. I was like a stripper without the pole lol I never got bad like that just shake my booty nothing more.

After a time I went through a phase where I was a “player”. I dated men that were nothing but players, so I decided that is exactly what I would be because I was tired of getting hurt by these men. I closed my heart and just had fun. I thought this was going to be my life until I was old and grey.

I even told myself( not that I actually believed it) and told others, I did not believe in marriage. It is so much easier to break up than get a divorce and I don’t need a piece of paper to say I love you. I tried to make myself believe this to dismiss my heartache from being alone. I use to cry myself to sleep some nights wondering if I would ever find the one.

I stopped going out to the club and dived head first into the computer. Barley poked my head out even to breathe. I tried the online dating crap. Long-distance dating. None of that worked for me. One guy lied said he was coming, said he got his ticket and it flew out the window on his way home. Found out it was all bull. Then I dated a man from Africa. Well, that almost landed me in jail. The fake credit cards he was using and sending to my house were not a sign of a real relationship.

So after that, I started to break away from the PC and went back out a little more. Met this very toxic woman and started to hang out with her a bit. I did not know how toxic she was at first of course and little by little I started seeing how evil she was. What type of woman would leave her 4 children with a 16-year-old daily so she can go out at night and “F”. Seriously the d was more important than her own children.

This 16-year-old had to put these kids to bed one child was just a couple of years younger than her, then two boys that had ADD that did not listen to this babysitter. Then the toxic woman's pride and joy. The only child she did like. Her 4-year-old. Then the babysitter had to also get the kids up and get them off to school. This is the first sign of how she was, and it only got worse when she had taken this babysitter's boyfriend. 30-year-old taking an 18-year-old away from her babysitter whom she called her daughter.

Ok, I could go on forever I hate that lady because that was my daughter who had watched her kids for her. And the boyfriend she took was my daughter's boyfriend. What little boy wouldn’t want a more experienced woman in bed compared to a newbie?

Well, it was through this toxic woman I met my husband. I went on a date with this man and that was all she wrote. I never thought marriage was in the cards for me. I thought my children would be taking care of me. How life has changed and made me a better person in the process.

I got up this morning listening to music from my club days. Some Tyrese, 2-Pac(my favorite), Jagged Edge, Brian Mcknight, Silk. Well, it got me thinking of how different my life is and how happy I truly am. I couldn’t be happier this man takes care of me more than I could ever expect. He is such a good man and yes we had our ups and downs like any relationship but this last year we have grown so much closer, like flirting as we did at the beginning of our relationship. This man has helped me get the strength to get clean and be a better person to keep my relationship happy. I couldn't do that if I was still using drugs. Drugs would be my number 1, not my husband. I am so unbelievably happy.

What did you see for your life 15 years ago? Did you go to college and predict a job after? Did you get married and predict kids and family life? I know I am a very happy wife, mother, and grandmother. Even a happy fur momma. 🐕🐶

I could die today with a smile on my face. Could you? If not…….

Never know where life can take you.

©Kerrie Gutierrez-Diaz 2022 All Rights Reserved

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