We'll Get Through This, Together

Week 3 of living this quarantined life and even this introvert is starting to get stir crazy. It's one thing to choose social distancing and come and go whenever the mood strikes me but a state order to stay inside with a four-year-old, an elderly dog, and your stubborn parents, your boundaries, love, and sanity are tested to the max. Let's not forget the reason this is all happening; you've lived long enough to experience the first global pandemic in a hundred years. Congratulations! The world is ending, at least it can feel like it at times, and that's okay, things are pretty scary right now.

2020 was supposed to be my year! I told myself on new years eve that my wish for the upcoming year was time. More time to spend with my son, more time to work on finishing school, more time cooking, and more time to follow my passions. I was tired of working a job I found soul-crushing and wanted to do things differently. 2020 was the year everything would change. I don't think anyone could have predicted just how true that would be. I guess if I look on the bright side, I got what I wanted for the most part. My dad got furloughed from his job, my mom had to take a leave of absence due to her health making her high risk, and my son's daycare closed. All we have right now is time. We've already had a couple of health scares, so I'm genuinely grateful for the time. Even so, this newfound time is credited to COVID-19, an illness that has already impacted thousands of people, and every time I step out of the house to buy groceries, I'm taking the risk of contracting the illness and putting everyone I love at risk as well.

I do my best to stay positive, focus on my family, and my goals, but today, I went out to pick up a pizza, and halfway there, I realized I had forgotten my mask. Should I go back home and get it? Oh, but if I do, my son might see me leave out again and get upset that he can't come with me because he hasn't had the chance to go anywhere in weeks. What if I accidentally come in contact with someone who is infected? Maybe I'm overreacting, and everything will be okay? All of this went through my brain, and I was genuinely scared. Once I was home, I washed my hands, changed my clothes, and cried. Even with doing everything I can to avoid the news, the reality of this situation is still very real and very scary. I am scared. I am scared for my health, my family's health, the future, my job (or lack thereof a job). There is just too much uncertainty. I don't know what to think or where to turn, and you know what? That's okay. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be anxious. It's okay not to be okay right now. You don't have to push yourself to learn a new skill or Marie Kondo your entire house. Maybe the best thing for you is to rest and practice some self-care, whatever that looks like to you. The point is you are not alone.

You could also be one of the brave heroes whose job has been deemed essential, and you are out there every day, keeping the world turning. I, for one, am grateful for you and everything you do, whether you're a doctor on the frontlines or you're tirelessly working trying to keep grocery store shelves stocked. No matter what anyone ever tells you, you matter, and you always have, I'm just sorry it took a plague to show the world just how vital you are to society.

This is unknown territory for everyone. The world will never be the same, but we're still unsure of what these changes will even look like. So what can we do? Don't look for me to have some philosophical answer, because I have no idea. I have no control of the outside right now, but what I do have is time. Time with my son, who amazes me every day and makes me laugh. Time to catch up with my school work, so that I may actually graduate on schedule, time to cook more wholesome meals for my family and time to work on my writing, something I've always wanted to take a leap on but made excuses as to why I didn't have the time. Now I do, at least for another three weeks. Stay safe and stay healthy. We will get through this.