Valuing Friendships... We'll Talk About It

We all love our friends or else they wouldn’t be our friends, right? They’re the family we choose. Each friend heals/helps/hypes a part of us that maybe another can’t in the same way. We’re not talking about the dynamics of friendship today though, but more so on how to value them a little more by showing up. Maybe because we’ve put it on autopilot. I know I’ve done it a few times.

Autopilot is just what it sounds like, you don’t put the effort into it anymore. You’re just coasting, which is fine usually because life gets busier and more priorities get added in. I know work is tiring, the pets are running up a vet bill like they vacation there, your partner is driving you loco, and the kids seem to have unlocked a new level of hyper—I’m not saying feel guilty for being busy and when you finally have a moment to breathe you’re a terrible person for not flying to Peru and partying with your best pals. I’m not saying that at all. Take a breath when you need it, but don’t use that as an easy out every time.

What I’m saying is, show up for people who show up for you—and be happy to do it. When someone invites you to their birthday dinner, to celebrate an achievement, to listen to their music, to have a Facetime catch-up call, or anything and you genuinely care for them–go to it, go do it. Unless you’re out of town or helping The Avengers fight another version of Thanos, then…..well, you can’t control that and they should understand. You’re literally saving the world.

I think we get so caught up in our day to day lives that we forget we should water these relationships. It’s not a chore we’re bogged down to do for our arch nemesis. Our friends are some of the first people to come running to our aid in a crisis, they allow us to vent constantly about recycled topics, they make us laugh uncontrollably, and they cheer us on so loudly that we forget what doubt is. So if your excuse is “I’m tired from work” or “I just didn’t feel like it”, I am begging you to stop. We’re all on borrowed time, so go spend a smidge of that time with people who mean the most to you.

If they’re asking you to run a marathon though, you should maybe bump them down to an associate because what friend would dare ask that?! A wolf in sheep’s clothing. Snake in the grass. Snake in the boot as Woody from Toy Story says. All jokes. Look, you don’t have to run the marathon if it’s not your thing, but show up with a hand-made sign and a gatorade waiting for them at the Finish Line. Just be there for the moment and enjoy it.

No one tells us how many moments we have left with these cool people, so go-–you’ll be tired tomorrow regardless. Valuing a friendship doesn’t derive from what you can get from it, but more so what you give to it. The best part is, true friends are never trying to get all of you and suck you dry like Dracula. They just really want you to be a part of this memory that they’re creating. Imagine that. Someone knew that this would be an event or day they’d always remember and they wanted you in it. I don’t think it gets more pure than that.

Also, if you’re suffering from an autopilot friend at the moment–don’t stop inviting them. Don’t assume they’ll say no or bail, give them the chance. They probably are taking a breather (a real one), but if you know your friend really well and they’re not— send them this blog post. Slight passive aggressiveness isn’t always bad. I’m more of a direct kind of gal myself, but whatever does the trick.

Now if you’re trying to get them to stop talking about their ex when y’all hang out–that’s a different story, but don’t worry… we’ll talk about it.

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