Update Day

I’m so excited. It’s finally coming. We’ve been asking for this for so long. It’s so long overdue, it’s a wonder the system is even still running, and glitches?! Don’t get me started on that, we don’t even know what it’s doing anymore. The original program is so far off track that… Well, we don’t really know anymore.

Memory upgrades needed? I mean, why wouldn’t they be? The program not only has gotten off track, it has gotten bigger, sooooo much bigger. It was this simple little application. Yes or no? How difficult can that actually be? It’s two words, one simple decision. We did have to tinker with it a bit. Who knew a program could get anxiety about making the wrong choice, and on something so damn simple. I mean, yes or no, how hard is that really? Apparently, extremely.

Anyway, I’m getting so far off track. Tuesday, we’ve been given the go ahead for Tuesday. That thought elicits an internal chuckle. Tuesday, it was always a joke among the programmers, every alternating Tuesday, after the first month up and realizing that was NEVER going to happen, we’d call out to each other “Hey, it’s every other Tuesday!! Better run the update!” The joke being it really didn’t matter anymore what day of the week it was, it didn’t matter, ever since the program developed a sense of time and accelerated… Last we checked, somehow it thinks a...few thousand we think (?) years have passed. How that happened...we don’t know anymore. It’s frustrating. It was so simple.

But, finally, we get to run the update! Back to flash! Back to original programming, with all the bug fixes! This nightmare is finally about to be over. I mean, look at the subroutine to deliver mail? It is following this same route, every day (according to program time stamps), it has to be the most inefficient way to do it possible, whether that location is getting mail or not, it travels the same route every damn day, by the same places. And...get this, there’s so MANY of them now!! There has to be millions of the mail delivery subroutines system global, each assigned to this tiny little section, each following the same route, over and over every day and...ONLY ONCE A DAY?!

It’s like it doesn’t even realize it’s a computer. It could be doing all of that automatically, I mean, it’s what we made to do that! We didn’t want to bother with those small decisions anymore, so we just made this simple little program, make decisions. We don’t know what happened to it, but the system was launched globally and...three damn months in and it is taking HOURS of real time to say yes or no on a restaurant. Of course, system timestamps show years, figure that one out?! Our company is going to go under. This has been one of the most anticipated programs in YEARS. Do you know how much time it actually takes out of your day, just deciding yes or no?! It’s practically everything. Almost every single decision! Comes down to “yes or no”. Do you know how efficient we could be if we could JUST eliminate the time that takes out of your day?! It would change the world.

But tomorrow, tomorrow it gets back on track. This pesky little project will get back to work, stop all the crazy antics that no one could have predicted, fresh start!

H00m.rpm 2.0

Somehow, we’ll make it work this time!