For the Next Girl

Hey, Next Girl, I’m Holly.

You and I will probably never meet, but for some reason life has brought you here – to Walter’s broom closet. I know when I started working here, I could’ve done with some instructions... anything at all.

The fact that you’ve found this notebook means it’s Wednesday, and Walter ushered you in this closet before you had the chance to close the front door, right?

This here is the only room Walter never ever comes into. And the shelf is high enough that he doesn’t reach here from his chair.

I’ll try to jot down everything that would’ve helped me when I first started, stumbling from one mistake to another.

Since I know you’ll find it on a Wednesday, that's where I'll start.

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WEDNESDAY

- The first thing you do on Wednesdays is mop all the floors (I haven’t figured out why the timing is important, but trust me – it is.)

- Unscented detergent only, don’t even look at the ancient-looking bottle of lemon one. It’s not worth it.

- Then dust all the shelves and cupboards and basically every flat surface you see, and don’t forget the top of the gigantic clock!

- The first Wednesday of every third month you have to wash the windows too.

For the next Next Girl: Holly's notes are amazing!

Also, I think his late wife, Linda, used to do it on Wednesdays, which is why it’s important. He called me Linda once. My name is Meredith. Also, I think Linda used to use the lemon one, I mean... that bottle is reallllly old.

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THURSDAY

- Take Walter to the library. Not the big one in town centre – he goes to some small library on the other side of the town.

- Always check his sitting room table for the books to be returned to the library. He sometimes stacks them there to be taken with, but forgets to actually take them. If that happens, he’ll make you drive all the way back home and take another trip, because God forbid, he’d be late returning a book.

- Pharmacy and weekly food shop after the library.

- On the way back home, stop at the little French bakery around the corner. He wants fresh bread and a sweet treat.

• Last time he wanted to go to the big library, because apparently the smaller one is running out of books. I mean... fair enough, he’s 92 and if he’s been going there his whole life...

• The French bakery is now closed and he didn’t want bread from a different bakery. The store-bought bread is apparently “wrong-tasting” so I had to bake it myself. So yeah, be prepared... He doesn’t care if you say you’ve never done it – you WILL lose the argument. I completely fucked it up but he still ate it and didn’t say anything.

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FRIDAY

- You get to leave earlier because he watches a movie every Friday evening.

- He sometimes asks for movie recommendations. Don’t take it personally if you learn that your taste in movies is trash.

- Supper at 4:30, instead of the regular 5:30. Make something that's comfortable to eat in front of the TV.

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SATURDAY AND SUNDAY

- These are usually your days off, but Gerald, his other caregiver, sometimes asks for you to cover or switch days. It has only happened a couple of times, so I don’t know much about weekend rituals.

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MONDAY AND TUESDAY

- No strict schedule.

• Esther, his eye candy, girlfriend? lady friend? (what do old people say?) visits on Mondays, or if the weather is nice, you take him to meet her at the park behind the Sunset nursing home at 11 a.m.

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EVERY DAY

- Meals. Breakfast at 9, lunch at 12:30, supper at 5:30 (except Fridays)

- Polish reading glasses and magnifier every morning. Yes, he uses them both at the same time for reading.

- Get the newspaper.

- Tidy the house as needed. Gerald takes care of the yard.

- Light a fire in the fireplace in autumn and winter, and early spring as well. There are some good tutorials on Youtube on how to build a fire.

• Check if he even wants the newspaper. Last couple of times he just cursed and muttered that “the bastards are lying again” while reading. He threw it into the fire and asked for the History magazine instead.

• Also, Youtube can help with the fire issue, but Walter actually insisted on teaching me himself after watching me fail twice. Apparently, another girl had hoped to light the fire with some modern gizmo. Now that I’m writing this, I realize it might have been Holly with the Youtube tutorials.

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FOOD

- He eats insanely salty food.

- Loves anything with fish. And prawns.

- Hates mushrooms.

- Hates green grapes, but ironically loves grape juice.

- Otherwise he’s quite indulgent.

- Favourite cake is white chocolate-cheesecake. He asks for it three times a year – on his birthday, on September 29th, on April 21st and on June 1st. Do not offer on any other day! I once brought him a slice on a random day and he just threw it out, didn’t say anything, didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. I actually thought for a second that he’d send me away... I’m not sure what exactly happened there. Anyway... don’t risk it.

- Loves the taste of sourdough bread, but CANNOT eat it. His dentures can’t handle that. You’ll end up cleaning these half-chewed pieces.

- Absolutely NO ALCOHOL in the house.

I’m not 100% sure, but I think it's Linda’s birthday in June. I don’t know what’s in April.

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PAST-TIME

- Reads a lot. Like A LOT! We’ve had tons of conversations about books, or you know… I mostly listen.

- Loves retro music. 50s swing music is always a good choice.

- Listens to the radio, including some radio drama series. They’re basically like Netflix shows with just sound or like audiobooks. They’re actually interesting. I once burnt a pancake because I was listening to his show. He didn’t get mad. He just kind of chuckled at my black frisbee pancake.

- Often asks you to join a game of cards or checkers.

- Loves watching ballroom dancing competitions.

• He's now added Scrabble to cards and checkers. He saw it on TV and asked me to buy him one. We’ve been playing almost daily.

• He also started doing crosswords. He’ll ask you to come and read the questions for him and write the answers he gives – supposedly 'so you’ll learn a thing or two as well' – but he actually just wants your help writing, because it’s difficult for him to hold a pen. Not that he’d ever admit it – it’s sweet, tho. And not that I’d ever admit it to him, but I actually have learned things.

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TOPICS TO AVOID

- Do not ask about his family. It’ll put him in a bad mood for the foreseeable future and makes your job ten times harder.

- Politics. Just... don’t.

- Fashion. Don’t wear anything too revealing at work. No, he’s not a creep – it’s the opposite. He’ll want to cover you with a first thing he can reach. I once wore low-rise jeans, and he actually made me wear a scarf around my waist the whole day. He mumbled something about how the fashion has basically gone to shit.

• I can second the fashion part. I wore a skirt once that was apparently too short (it wasn’t a mini or anything). I managed to get out of it, but he was sooo close to making me wear a pair of his pants – you know, the ones that come all the way up to the armpits.

Make sure your winter jacket is long enough, or you’ll get a health lecture too. I speak from experience.

• Do NOT recommend cutting back on salt. Evidently, salt is the only pleasure left in his life (dramatic much!). And if salt is what’s going to kill him sooner than he would die naturally he’s apparently fine with it. Supposedly, he’s willing to sacrifice a month or two from his life, if that means he gets to eat tasty food instead of some bland sludge (his words, not mine). But I don’t blame him, really.

• Don’t try to give him nicknames. No Walt, Walty, Wally. Nothing.

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SAFE TOPICS

- Literature

- History. Not to be disrespectful, but the man IS history. He has a lot of stories to tell.

- Travelling and different cultures

- Theatre

• Sometimes asks to see documentaries about different countries.

• Once, when I covered Gerald on a Sunday, Walter asked me if I wanted to go to church. When I said no, he simply said 'Good.' So I’m guessing he’s not religious. Shit, maybe I should’ve written ‘religion’ under the “topics to avoid” section, but I don’t really know if it needs to be avoided... Oh, well.

I was right. He’s not religious, but likes the discussions about different religions, so – safe topic.

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GENERAL KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WALTER

- Name: Walter Harrison

- Age: 90, now 92

- Used to be married. Not a lot of information on that. I’ve seen him looking at an old picture of a young couple.

- Children: He never talks about them, but there's at least one.

- Grandchildren: I think one grandson. A younger man was here, just about to leave, when started my first day.

- Says what he thinks and lectures you whenever he feels it's necessary.

- Does not allow you to use, or throw out, the old lemon-scented floor detergent.

• His wife was called Linda. I don’t know when or how she died, or much else about her. Except the fact that she mopped the floors on Wednesdays with lemon detergent (I think).

• Oh, and Walter used to be a teacher. Probably why he doesn’t mind questions.

• He’s like... really smart.

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Hope this helps,

Holly

It did! So much!

The next Next Girl, please, be nice to him. I’m actually going back to school... I wanna be a teacher too. That’s why you're here in this broom closet today. Good luck!

Meredith