Under the blanket of the night

The first time I heard about life crisis was when I was attending my High School ages ago. I was enjoying my life and stress free years. That time, I thought to myself, "How can anyone feel so lost in their life? What can be the reason? It will never happen to me". Boy, was I wrong.

Sometimes we do get lost. We make mistakes and we wonder off our paths. Or so we think. Perhaps nothing is a "true mistake". With time, I learned to understand that what ever I have been through served me well in the end. Yes, I have changed and changed a lot, but what if I am just becoming who I really am.

In my life, since I was a child I had multiple prominent experiences, that taught me an idea that anything is possible. Just because you haven't seen it or experienced, doesn't mean that it is not true. I leaned to question everything around me. I learned not to believe what is being "fed" or preached.

Before I got acquainted with reiki and spiritualism, I was always aware of a bigger force in the universe that connects everything and everyone, surrounding us with its love and light. I don't like to call myself spiritual. Spiritualism gave a crack and is falling apart in my belief system for some time already. I have seen an ugly side of it, which I would like to erase and condemn from every part of my being. I am not religious ether. God forbid. I am a believer. I believe in a higher power, God if you like.

My "dark night of a soul" began when I've met my true love - my twin flame. The stronger it got, the more painful it felt. Both, for us and those around us. All aspects of my life began to catch the flames of a fire. What I haven't realised up until now was the understanding of a blessing that it delivered.

The first thing that got burned in flames was unnecessary "friendship and relationships". Some of the people I used to know burned bridges and decided to leave my life. I wish them all well. Those who are true stayed. I am truly blessed with my very close circle of sisterhood that always supports me and has a warm place in my heart. My soul sisters, I love you always.

The second thing that caught the fire was my "material world". My bank account began to shrink and issues after issues started to arise that needed an injection of money. No matter what I did and how hard I worked it was just a temporary band aid. What have I learned? I learned that money can't buy happiness. Yes they can give you some comfort but as the saying goes "you can have a paradise in hut with the one you love". I also learned the value of money, something that I haven't payed much of attention to before. I learned to adapt, I have learned to accept the challenges and protect my interests.

Next, was my "health"...my inner power and strength were gone for sometime. I am slowly springing back to my true self. I've learned to see and battle unhealthy patterns in my life that I used to lead before. Few of which were my "self-destructive" ways/addictions (be that food cravings or negative thought patterns). I've learned to put my health first (both physical and mental). I've learned to be patient and caring with myself. I've learned to recognise and cherish my inner power.

The final and most important part of my life that gave a crack was my "ego/my shadow self". It was the most painful aspect of myself that I had to let go off and the most uncomfortable process I had to go though. Many of annoying things that I disliked in my love partner were a mirror reflections of my own traits. When I started to acknowledge that pattern, the heavy and torturous fights started to subside. I learned to trust and let go of fears and attachments. Both of us started to change slowly. I believe, when your soul has some major "lessons" to learn, love will make it a very painful experience, yet it will heal every part of your life. A blessing in disguise. It will call for an action! Sweeping everything and everyone who stands on its way, even your own self.

The other day, my friend asked me, "Is that it? Is this my life, all of it? The fun days from my past were the only happy times I actually had?". Her too is going through some rough times. Well my friend, at that time I didn't know what to tell you, but now I know.

The dark night has wrapped my soul like a blanket in a tight cocoon. Through pain and tears I started to see myriads of stars that shine like diamonds in my life - my blessings. The night...It doesn't lasts forever. And when I am ready I will embrace the dawn of my soul, the birth of my inner sun. This is not the end my friend. The best is yet to come.

Depression is a condition, not a permanent diagnosis. Look for the stars in the darkness, listen to what they are trying to tell you. If you are unable to transform or eliminate unfortunate circumstances in your life, then start transforming yourself first. Burn the layers of illusions and lies around you and within you. Let go of attachments, fears, thought patterns and belief systems. See what's underneath that shell of yours that has been hammered so brutally by life. Embrace it and let life happen!

Branchipod