Therapeutic Creativity

Many would agree that the year 2020 was most likely one of the most challenging times in their life however it was 2018 and 2019 that challenged my mind, heart and health. If we jump back to that period things looked much differently. I was a successful up-and-coming fashion designer, I had a partner of seven years, close friendships and a dog. Perfect, right? I thought so too - that is until everything I knew and had been planning for my future was gone. In what could only be described as a blindsided punch to the stomach, my partner had met someone else and our life together was over, my friend group split and my partner decided he no longer wanted us to share our dog and refused for me to see her again. I felt like I had lost everything and my life, or what I knew of it, was in a pile of rubble but I had no idea how to pick up the pieces. The period after opened my eyes to who I really was, and what I wanted.

Standing in the shattered pieces of my former life I could still see one intact piece: My love of design. However intact this piece may have been, the other broken pieces crowded it enough to have it just out of my reach. This was my first experience with anxiety and it was terrifying. My body and mind had decided it couldn’t compute the grief and bewilderment I was feeling and the panic attacks started. I struggled in silence for a long time hoping it would pass and I would feel like myself again. Nothing seemed to work, therapy, meditation, hypnosis, time - it still lingered like a shadow in the wings waiting to disrupt my world over and over again. It was through creativity that I was able to find some peace both mentally and spiritually. I struggled to focus and create but I put my energy into healing by doing something I was passionate about - something that would allow me to escape and it worked. I would become so enthralled with my passion I would forget those people. I would forget the pain. I would forget what I felt like I was missing. My love for creating clothing and designing was so strong and ran so deeply in my veins that it was able to help me escape even just for a moment. This was an incredibly powerful feeling - do I finally have control over my mind? I had always been passionate about my work but did I ever understand the true power and the impact it could have on my life?

This creativity saved me - it gave me something to get out of bed in the morning for. It put a smile on my face and gave me feelings of butterflies in my stomach over the excitement of the garment I was creating. I could finally feel happy again. It was then that I realized this was my calling and if I could bring myself happiness from my work, I could share that happiness with the world and hope that something beautiful I created could also put a smile on someone else’s face who was struggling and needed an escape.

During the midst of this discovery, I decided I wanted to dedicate my time to working on building a brand that only brought me happiness. I stopped worrying about what others would think, what others would like or dislike and I looked inside of myself to encapsulate the feeling I was having into something real. A sort of physical representation of my gratitude and love of the craft of making clothes. During this pandemic, I have focused on ways I can pass this love I feel while making the clothing into a love one can feel by wearing it.

I am now seeing light at the end of the tunnel. It was so dark it felt like a bottomless pit but I realized that every time I created I was lighting the way a little further until I could finally see the light of day at the end. Fashion design is my passion, it is what makes me unique and it is what saved my life.