The Year Where I Flourish

As many people may be sure to agree, 2020 was not the year of our dreams. When 2020 started, I believed that I would begin working on my health, working hard to begin saving money- overall hoping to better myself, and my outlook on the future.

January went by quickly- a new semester of college, new classes, and experiences. The Kansas City Chiefs were in the Superbowl for the first time in 50 years, they won; making me believe that 2020 would truly be the year of legend. Sadly- I was right.

I found out that 2020 would have so much more in store for me. I was fully diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, and eventually ADHD- something I didn't think applied to me until I found myself in therapy... I began working through my dilemmas, trying to wrap my head around the sheer amount of trauma that the world is facing. And this was when I really began thinking of how to better myself, trying to find ways to make my outlook on the world much brighter than the world I currently resided in.

And so now, we are in the second month of 2021. We have a new President, a new plan to attack the pandemic, but still so many questions. There are still so many uncertainties that lay before us, but this is where I begin to think more internally. I can't do much to change the outside right now, but I can begin to change myself for the better.

Already, I've begun to focus harder on my academia. It's only the second week of instruction, and I believe myself to be progressing to something better. I've been accepted into Grad school, I've been drinking more water instead of soda and other unhealthy beverages. Not to mention, I've begun to work on my sleep schedule, hoping to better my health this year, but not in a stereotypical way. Right now, my goal is to survive to the best of my ability. I'm working out in my small dorm, hoping that I can regain a bit of the physique that I lost during the initial months of the pandemic.

Currently, as it stands, I’ve also begun to slip back into hobbies that I used to enjoy before the world felt like it was falling apart. Writing this little journal-esqe entry is helping me find the enjoyment of writing once more. I hope to eventually move into more genres- become more creative once more. I’ve also started finding healthier ways of relieving stress, reworking myself to successfully function under pressure without holding it all in, and ultimately imploding. I’ve started drawing and painting again- mostly being creative as a general outlet, but making something visual that I can look at later- reflect on as an accomplishment of growth. Growth in more than just my skill as an artist, but growth in looking at where I was, and being able to feel where I am, where I will be in the future.

I know it is a little scary still, that we do not know where things will go from here, but with the small number of things I can control, I'm glad I can focus on myself, and focus on my eventual happiness and overall health. I feel as though my progress is slow starting, but I am a firm believer that progress of any kind is progress and that progress of any kind is something to be proud of- something to cherish. Using this journal post, I feel a sense of power surge in me with the feeling of positive fortune, and personal growth. I am hoping that this feeling stays true, and that brighter days are in my future.