The Woman I Turn To

There are so many influential women in the world, women that have strived for and accomplished many incredible things in life. Women that have overcome their fears and pushed for greatness, women that have always remained determined no matter what obstacles have been thrown in their path, women that have kept hope even when it seemed no hope was left. The woman that overcome her anxiety and gained confidence in her abilities, the woman that learned that she was capable of anything, the woman that fought to build a business that only she could see the potential, the woman that learnt how to become a role model for others, the mother that raised phenomenal men and women through unselfish acts knowing that she herself must remain disciplined in the eyes of temptation.

There is a woman I know, a woman that I have only just now started to see her beauty, a woman who’s actions have always impacted me and the decisions I make but never knew. The more I notice her truth the more I realise how truly amazing she is. I had overlooked this grand figure in my life not knowing she had so much to give and so much I could learn from. This queen flies under the radar crown intact. Her crown may slip sideways sometimes but in the end she always puts it straight. Let me tell you about a woman in my life that makes me want better and makes me look deep into myself to evolve and grow and dig deeper into realising my full potential. It is because of this woman that I am writing here today to tell you her story.

I have known this woman all my life and she has always been there seeing all that I do; my development into a woman, making many mistakes and how I have grown from them, all my bad decisions. She has always been the first to notice change in me, the first to notice my lack of knowledge in something and the first to see me trying. This woman would never throw anything in my face whenever I made bad choices (which was quite often), though I would see the faces she would pull at times questioning my choices, never making me feel stupid instead helping me to find answers and solutions that sat well within my own temperament.

She was the first person to teach me that what works for one does not work for all and you must work within your own nature and being and do what is natural to you with strength and confidence, as there will always be others that disapprove and not understand the decisions you make for yourself, but in life you must understand everyone has their own way of doing things and following another's way may work for a while but ultimately if it is not natural to you the cracks will soon start to show. Also in any decision you make in life know your worth, your core principles and what morals are important to you for those are the cornerstones that will build your foundation and help shape your future.

This woman that has taught me so much has made many mistakes and has come out fighting. At one point she had completely lost herself to the point that no-one knew what would become of her and seemed for some time that nothing would help her. I saw people trying, her loved ones constantly trying to give her support and love but no-one could give her what she needed. This lady had lost herself to the point of unrecognisable forsaking all important aspects of her life and not giving attention to those that mattered most to her. She had a child, she had family who loved her and still she couldn’t bring herself back. Seeing her like that, a woman that I knew had so much to offer, I was distraught not knowing what to do myself to help her. I remember trying to make her see sense and she just cried, not really giving me much information about what was happening to her, at the time I don’t think she understood what was going on with herself and it was painful to see. I approached friends of hers hoping to find an answer, maybe someone that could understand what she was going through so they could help her but all the help in the world, nothing was getting through just her tears, a cry for help and understanding, a cry that no one could fulfil.

I watched this woman suffer for years keeping my distance from her reality at the same time wanting to show her the love and comfort she so craved knowing how others had tried and failed. This woman who was always the first to offer help and guidance to others even in her darkest hours would never turn away someone in need. Her crown was slipping and she didn’t notice at the time she didn’t even care. I fought with myself emphatically because it pained me so that I couldn’t help this woman that was always there for me. Years passed and so many saw her pain, watched her struggle and in the end all they could do was wonder, wonder what happened to her, with all the problems in the world, what could possibly be so bad to knock this queen off her throne, something that only she will know. It suddenly came to me that only she could place herself back upon her throne and as much as people wanted to help and could feel a fraction of her turmoil, she held the key and only she could look in the mirror and straighten her crown.

Through her struggles I learned and I saw a great deal. It exposed me to situations and ideas that I could never have imagined. I saw a daughter fighting to be what her parents had dreamed for her, I saw a little sister fighting to be her own woman, I saw a friend trying to maintain compassion and care for others when she had none for herself, but most importantly I saw a mother struggling to fight temptation and maintain discipline and do the right thing by her child, and that will always remain the hardest thing I have had to watch so far. It will also be the greatest thing I have witnessed so far. I saw a daughter, sister, friend and mother finally open her eyes to reality and fight back, fight back against her own injustice, fight back against her own man made prisons and fight back against her own insecurities and rise up against all the deep rooted skeletons in her closet for she had remembered who she was never realising her own potential she saw a glimmer of who she really was and possibilities of what lay ahead if only she tries and keeps trying no matter what. I’ve watched this lady help others and have the confidence to go after what she knew she deserved, to her losing everything and becoming a shell of the woman she once was, to then evolving and remembering that she has a crown and it needs to stand tall over her protecting everything that she holds dear.

I know this woman and I know her well because I am that woman. Still learning and evolving I have learnt that I have all that is needed to grow and be the daughter, sister, friend and mostly be the mother and phenomenal woman that I am. I have had and know many great women that are undeniably amazing and influential, and I have learned from them all, but none so far have taught me to master the complex being that is me.