The View From The Back Of The Room

So, I grew up with a single mom, who worked in silicon valley, but who wanted more than anything to own her own business. She'd put her own dreams on hold for so long, mostly because she had me to think of. So, when she had the opportunity to, she’d go to seminars, workshops, trainings, and usually brought me along. This was the late 80s and early 90s, and to my mind, the fun stuff was all in the back of the room.

It was where the tapes and books were sold, where the speaker would turn if they needed something, and instead of wanting to be the person in the front of the room, I was fascinated by everything in the back. It was where the important stuff that wasn’t so much in the limelight happened. Where the real magic happened. It was where I felt the real stars were.

As a younger child, even, I always wanted to be the best helper I could. I remember one thing in particular. My mom was working as a transcriptionist, and for some reason, probably just to entertain me, she handed me some files, and this long strip used to alphabetize files, and set me to work. I couldn't have been more than 10, but I thought it was the best job ever.

I haven’t ever been an extrovert. Actually the opposite. I was offered an opportunity in high school to speak at my graduation, and I turned it down, out of fear, and a conviction that I would fall on my face or be mocked. I was always the quiet one in any group, and the one who truly didn’t mind working from the shadows, or … the back of the room. That holds true even today. I’ve had the honor of working for a business coach, or a change catalyst for the past six months, and have been so inspired. I’ve been a volunteer VA for years, since childhood,really. In fact, it was my mother, who I jokingly refer to as my permanent client, and my client's faith, and her unwavering support that has really allowed me to make my own dreams come true. Is it scary to put myself out there like this? Well, sure…but it’s worth it.

I've learned so much about myself, and the type of clients I want to attract recently. There's a Rumi quote - what you seek is seeking you, and I have seen just how true it is. Since I started being intentional about the type of VA I want to be, the clients I want to support, and really, the life I want to create and live, it has really become clear that though yes, I'll likely always be the quietest one in any group, that's okay.

In fact, my biggest lesson is this : Some people are drawn to the in - your -face, no holds barred, bullhorn toting steamroller type, and some are drawn to types more like me, who are more akin to a duck in the water - calm on the surface and working their little butts off beneath the surface. Both have their appeal, and it's really a matter of what suits you, and the people you want to attract best.

I spent most of my life wishing I was the former type, but also being incredibly resistant to making steps to try and be that way, until a day came in my 30s, when I realized I was 100%, firmly in the latter camp. The biggest lesson came when I realized that it was okay. However, and whoever I chose to be was okay, and more than that, was ENOUGH.

So no, I'm never going to be comfortable speaking to an auditorium full of people, or having them hang on my visions and ideas. That's OK! What I can be, is the "beautiful assistant" in the back, supporting and managing it all for the person who is. They can relax, knowing they, and the more mundane details, the magic behind the show, is in my capable hands. That they can focus on doing what they do best, and I will handle the rest.