The Unbecoming Project

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. When Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu created that proverb more than 2000 years ago he had no idea it would still ring as true today.

Every moment in our life, the Universe offers opportunities to take a first step; one that consequently creates a new path.

We rarely know what our final destination will be when we take that step, but we have faith life shall work itself out.

All we have to do is take that leap of faith!

That was my experience as I approached my 35th birthday; a milestone in my spiritual enlightenment.

“You are approaching your soul maturity, and you will embark on a different version of the life journey,” cosmologist Jonathan Quintin said during my first astrology reading.

Before I had a chance to digest this statement, Jonathan continued:

“According to your time of birth, your destiny is to inspire a change in this world because your soul’s purpose is to make an impact on humanity.

“Your past life as a priestess and a healer are your calling in this life journey once again.”

By the end of the reading, something shifted inside me. I suddenly felt as I had awakened from a deep slumber.

Jonathan’s reading was an answer to my soul-searching quest. The past few months, I’ve been telling myself, “This is not how life should be”.

There’s a growing eagerness to experience a different version of life. The urge to take a pause and seek the answer to that all probing question, “What am I here for?”.

A strong calling to find a serene space where I can just be me, be loved and accepted just for who I am, no matter what. No more begging for affection, attention, and love. There’s no brokenness or imperfection, just the freedom to express my whole psyche to the world. To unleash the free spirit living in this limited human body, so I can live life on my own terms.

All I’ve ever wanted was not more trophies, but a warm hug, a shoulder to cry on, a gentle touch to soothe my pain.

And the soft whisper saying, “I am proud of you. You are more than enough. I love you no matter what.”

A week before I was sitting in a wealth creation workshop where I was tasked to write my autobiography by Kelly, my business mentor. I did not know what to expect from writing a short memoir, yet I later discovered it was a life-changing moment. Each of those past life events was a series of self-destructive patterns.

I was sobbing as I reflected on my childhood and past. An image came to mind of a scared little girl, lost throughout her life journey.

As a Chinese, female, Catholic who grew up in a small village in Indonesia, I ticked the trifecta box of the minority.

I had firsthand experiences of what it was like to fit in and conform to societal expectations for my safety. I developed a life skill as a people pleaser and accepted the normality of less than equal treatment.

I was too scared to speak my truth.

For the same reason, I experienced workplace bullying and sexual harassment during the early years of my corporate career.

At home, I grew up with a controlling and overly driven mother.

She’s a smart and savvy businesswoman who lost her dream because of poverty. All she ever wanted in life was to be a medical scientist. But the lack of financial support ended her education before she finished high school.

She promised to never let her children experience poverty in life, so to make a radical improvement in her life, she married a wealthy man at nineteen years of age.

I was born a year after their wedding. My mum never gave up on her dream; she lived her aspiration to go to the best college and by doing that she ensured a successful corporate career for her children.

Despite having the best intentions, my mum unconsciously shaped me into an ambitious and impatient person who struggled to accept and appreciate herself. I’ve never felt accomplished and I’ve never believed I was good enough.

I also never believed in coincidence, and a series of non-coincidental events led me to a thought-provoking moment.

The Universe was trying to show me the source of my frustrations, the answer to my questions, and nudge me onto a new life path! It also provoked my deepest wish to liberate my soul, which yearns for authenticity.

I wanted to be free and feel liberated from life commitments that were no longer in alignment with my soul’s purpose. The answer came to me during my regular Monday meditation circle; a new routine I started after my conversion from Catholicism to Spirituality.

During that meditation, I saw Jesus and Mary in the most beautiful meadow; they were sitting on lush green grass. With much love and affection, they gave me a warm hug and handed me a baby lamb. Jesus said, “Go forth on your new life, you are my shepherd.”

Six months later, I left my job and ended my marriage, just before celebrating our 15th anniversary.

All my friends and family were in utter shock. No one saw this coming.

We put on a “happy family” façade; a long-term relationship with two young, bright girls. The first thought that came to everyone’s mind was that I was experiencing a mid-life crisis.

The truth was, my soul needed to be revived.

Even though I had a successful career as a Corporate Accountant, owned a thriving business on the side, three properties, and a beautiful family, my heart was empty.

I was not living. I was merely existing. I felt disconnected from the excitement life had to unfold.

The ambitious energy of living via a “not good enough” belief system drove my achievements. My upbringing shaped me to be a highly competitive achiever with an end goal of attaining success, social status, and a sense of security in life.

During primary school, my mum expected me to achieve a 100% mark in every test. Otherwise, I would endure extra study and physical punishment; an Asian way to discipline children. My memory of childhood comprised of eat, study, and sleep.

The baby lamb was exactly what I needed to have.

It was the courage to leave all the success and comfort of my old life behind and start a brand-new chapter in my book of life. I needed to break through those cycles and patterns.

The first breakthrough started with getting a divorce. I married a guy who was just like my father, and I was turning into my mother, despite consciously not wanting to do so. I could see my marriage was heading into a dysfunctional family, just like my parents’. Getting a divorce was my first major step in the “unbecoming” journey; the road less travelled.

The word divorce does not exist in our community.

Couples, including my parents, settle on their toxic marriage in order to maintain their reputation. Women especially will do almost anything to maintain their marriage, including accepting their husband’s mistress or tolerating abusive treatment.

Society regards divorce as a shameful and embarrassing act; a failure of domestic duties. Finally at one with my rebellious spirit, I decided it was time to put my happiness first. I chose a different ending for my story.

I refused to wake up on my 60th birthday with regret, knowing I should have followed my heart’s calling years ago. My daughters needed to see me as their role model — as a woman who chose happiness and desire over society’s acceptance.

My healing journey would end the ancestral karmic lessons, passed down in the embodiment of the intergenerational wounded feminine.

Our soul has a sacred contract to grow through the lessons, which we need to master in this life’s journey.

For me, manifesting a love relationship is an immense area of growth and learning. This coincides with the dysfunctional family my soul agreed to be part of. A journey to find a secure place within myself which allows me to give and receive love unconditionally.

Without having self-love and self-acceptance, I am not whole and complete. Others will mirror my “self-rejection” patterns. Hence, I felt I had to choose between love, wealth, or myself. Each time my career and business reached the next level of success, I had significant relationship challenges. I struggled for years to find the pathway to having the life I wanted and loved.

Life challenges are the live workshops designed to help us uncover our superpowers to use them to help others — alongside fulfilling our own purposes of course.

My life challenges became my newly found passion in life and the pursuit of my existence; emboldening women to own their power within the vessel of divinity so they can design a life that’s worth living.

The unfortunate truth is most of us spend a big portion of our life trying to fit in, please everybody, or adhere to rules and norms. We never give ourselves a chance to meet the raw version of ourselves. Life consists mostly of what everyone else wants or needs, and we are too busy chasing perfection by molding ourselves into society’s idealized model.

Consequently, we do not know what we truly want out of life.

Each day feels mundane with work, family, and life commitments. We feel unfit and apathetic about the life we are leading. All those accomplishments we’ve thought will bring happiness, pride, and love are no longer meaningful.

But the good news is, I believe we can have it all if we have a little more courage.

Be brave enough to dream, ask, follow-through, and feel worthy to receive it.

Every single one of us have encountered opportunities to rewrite our story and to strive toward a greater version of ourselves, but all too often we choose to stay put.

The reason?

Because transformation requires us to face our fears.

But through transforming ingrained beliefs, we are authenticated and our truth is validated.

It’s a fundamental change to our existence, like demolishing our home without knowing if there’s a new roof in sight.

However, as Albert Einstein once said, “we cannot solve the problems with the same mind that created them.” Therefore, to transform, we must first deny our current identities and beliefs about who we are, regardless of our resistance.

After six years of spiritual development, psychological studies, research, and my life experiences of overcoming racism, corporate bullying, harassment, toxic relationships, and challenging the status quo, I emerged with three steps of achieving this.

Unlearn, uncover, and unleash.

This is what Unbecoming You is about; a step-by-step process to “unbecome” from our childhood conditioning and societal programming, so we can become exactly who we were born to be.

Unbecoming is the revelation of your authentic loving being who was once rejected out of shame and belief of “not being good enough” to fit into others’ expectations.

Our spiritual journey is like the lotus flower’s life cycle.

The lotus flower is known as the most sacred plant in the world.

The Buddhists recognize it as the most beautiful metaphor for our spiritual journey and path to enlightenment.

In Ancient Egyptian art, the lotus is a symbol of fertility, a new beginning, and purity.

The lotus flower is associated with beauty, prosperity, and fertility in Hinduism.

So, what is the deeper meaning of this metaphor?

They often call lotus the flower of life as it symbolizes life, death, and rebirth. Lotus grows in a pond or river and must pass through the murky water to blossom. Its roots latch onto the mud and scum, yet it submerges every night into the water and re-blooms the next morning, sparkling clean with striking color.

In addition to its daily resurrection, the lotus has a strong willpower to survive. Its seed can withstand thousands of years without water and can germinate over two centuries later.

Just like the lotus flower, it’s only when we surpass the muddy waters our spirit shines out.

Each day, as the sun rises, life offers us another opportunity to resurrect and rise above our fears and the lies our egos tell us. And we can do this through unlearning our conditioning, uncovering our truths, and unleashing our true self.

Our spirit is the lotus seed, which holds infinite potential; it can withstand any challenges or adversities. Through unbecoming, we shall shed those unfitting layers through a self-exploration journey to realign with our soul.

It’s also the expansion of manifesting our power alongside a continuum of our soul’s growth so we can create a life on our own terms. Because, during our becoming period, we were conditioned to limit our capacity to receive.

Remember as a kid, we were told, “don’t ask too much” or “you can’t have everything you want!”

We can only receive based on what our consciousness believes to be possible.

We were also taught to trade our self-love in exchange to receive our desires for love and acceptance. Like being praised as being a good girl by defying ourselves to please our parents.

The Unbecoming project comprises of a soon-to-be-published book and program offering deeper levels of transformation.

They reveal a three step process; unlearn your limiting conditionings, uncover your true self, and unleash your creative power over 21 days daily reflections.

Unbecoming You is a self-exploration process to:

• Guide you through an unbecoming process, so you can put an end to the main underlying sources of your interpersonal relationship issues, self-destructive and victimhood behaviors.

• Unmask your true self that was rejected and disassociated out of shame, guilt, and unworthiness because of childhood conditioning and societal programming.

• Realize your ability to experience life is directly correlated to the depth of self-love and reveal how you can have it all.

• Find clues to design the life you will love through reflections of life lessons and experiences.

As a rebellious beach of light, my altruistic purpose to help women unbecome from their past and current conditions. To heal their inner wounds so they can become who they were born to be. So that they can live a life they truly love.