The Train of Light

What is that noise? And why do I feel like I am moving? I know I drank way too much last night and smoked too much pot, but I know I didn’t fall asleep in the back of somebody’s car! I don’t think I did anyway! I guess it is possible with the way I have been behaving. Still grieving from the death of my daughter, I had not been making the best decisions. My preferred state of being lately has been numb. Life hurts too much. I slowly opened my eyes expecting to see the back of a front seat or have my face smashed against someone’s passenger window, but instead I awoke to find myself lying on the floor of a train! A very fast-moving train. I shot straight up and looked around. Where was I and how did I get here? It took me a few seconds to clear my head to fully comprehend where I was and that this train was moving very fast with no sign of stopping. This was not an ordinary train. Everything was white and made of shiny steel. The seats were like church pews and the windows did not open. I was in the front car, so I could see myself hurling down the tracks! I had to be dreaming. I pinched myself trying to wake up. It did not work. I slapped my face, like in the movies, again I did not wake up! I looked around expecting to see more people and realized that there were only two others in the car with me. They were in the very back and they did not look friendly. They were dark figures in hoodies. Their eyes seemed to glow, and they just stared at me. They were pretty scary! Where was this train heading? How do I make it stop?

I looked for the attendant button but did not see one anywhere. I found a cord hanging from the ceiling and pulled it… nothing happened. I pulled it again and again, but nothing happened. Useless cord! There was only one door on the train, and it was in the back. To get to it, I had to pass those scary looking dudes on the back row. They just kept staring at me with their glowing eyes. I am not sure what they were on, but it was not a good look on them. I headed towards the door but stopped a few rows short of them and asked, “Do you know where this train is going?”. No response. “Is there anyone else on the train? A Conductor or Attendant? Again, no response. I was starting to get really scared and headed back to front of the train. I was not going to get any closer to those guys! I sat down and looked out the window. I recognized some of the houses from my past and I could swear I saw my old dog, Pepper. But that was impossible. He passed away a year ago from cancer. I started to cry. I looked back at the two goons and noticed that they had moved one seat closer to me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up. Who are they? Was I dead? Maybe I died last night, and I am on my way to Hell! I put my face into my hands and did the only thing I knew to do. I started praying. “God, if you are there and remember me, I really need you! I am scared and have no idea how I got here or how to get off this train! Please make the train stop. Please make the scary men in the back disappear! I know that I have not prayed in a very long time! I am sorry. Please forgive me for all the stupid things I have done in my life. Please help me!”. I had been angry at God for taking my daughter away from me. I have always believed in God and considered myself spiritual, but I had shut that part of me away. Until now.

Suddenly, this beautiful bright light appeared in the train. It was bright like the sun, but it did not hurt my eyes. I could not take my eyes off it. I sat in awe of this light and the warmth that it projected. I immediately felt a peace come over me. Then, a magnificent voice spoke from within the light and said “All you had to do was ask. I have been waiting for you to ask. I have been here the whole time”. I sat frozen in uncertainty. What was going on? What happened to me last night? I could feel the tears streaming down my face, not in fear or sadness but in ultimate joy and peace. I suddenly remembered the two goons that were stalking me. I looked back expecting them be right behind me, but they were gone. In their place sat two Angelic women with the warmest smiles on their faces. They nodded to me and without saying a word I knew they were telling me everything was going to be ok. I must be dreaming, but I did not want to wake now. I wanted to stay in the presence of this light!

I looked back at the light and said, “but the train is still moving too fast” “how do I get off?” The light grew brighter and as it grew; the train slowed. “Again, all you had to do was ask” the light said. “I love you and I am always here. It is you who pulls away and tries to do it all on your own. That is a choice. You can keep me close and let me help you through the journey of your life or you can choose to do it alone.” I stood there just staring at this brilliant light basking in its peace that I had been longing for since the death of my beautiful daughter last year. I had stopped wanting to live. I was just going through the motion. I must be dead! Was this God? And would he take me to Heaven to see my girl?

The train came to a smooth stop. As I gazed into the light, I asked, sounding like a child, “Are you God?” The voice seemed to give a little chuckle and said “Yes, I am God as you see God.” I could feel his smile even though there was no face. I continued. “God, I have missed you. I am sorry that I have ignored your presence. The world has become an unkind place. There is so much division and hate. When I lost my baby, I did not want to feel anymore. I lost faith in people, and I lost faith in you. Please forgive me.” With a gentle tone, God said to me “Child, you are in a fallen world. There is much healing needed. All my children are beacons born of my light. If they stay close to me their light shines bright and they are surrounded in peace. If they choose to ignore their light, then it will dim, and life can become hard and full of negativity. Staying close to me is simple. First, you must have faith. Believe in me. I do not care from which window you see me from, but you must believe in me. You must also live from your heart. Be kind and loving to each other and all living creatures for there is purpose in you all. Show compassion and kindness whenever possible and remember time is your greatest gift. Do not waste it on things that do not matter in the end. The only thing that matters at the end of your time is your faith in me and the love with which you have lived your life. You must wake now. I am always in your heart. Your faith and love are key to being ever mindful of me”.

I wasn’t ready to leave. I begged “please let me go with you” “I don’t want to wake up.” I felt the light move closer to me and as it did, I felt the enormous warmth and love it held. Then, God spoke “Sweet child, it is not your time. Your purpose has not been fulfilled. I need you to shine your light and attract others who need help shining theirs. I gave you gifts that are special. You need to use them to help the world heal. Be a beacon of hope and kindness for all. But, before you leave, there is someone here that wants to say good-bye”. I looked around to see who God was talking about. From within the light, a smaller light emerged and came towards me. It circled me and brushed against my skin. Suddenly, I felt arms around me and long hair brushing against my face. She was here. My sweet daughter gently kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear “I love you and am with you always. Do not cry for me. I am home and I am waiting for you when it is your time.” I started sobbing and could not believe what was happening! As she started to pull away, I felt something at my leg. I looked down to see another small light circling my legs. I felt the softness of fur and then a big lick up the side of my leg. Pepper!!! I knelt and the light circled my face, and I could feel him giving me his wonderful doggy kisses. I was so grateful in that moment! I stood and looked at God not knowing what to say. My heart was so full of love. God lovingly said “It is time for you to wake up now. You are loved and never alone. Stay close to me and know that I am God! Do not let yourself live in yesterday or worry about tomorrow. I have given you all that you need to live today! Stay present in the moment for that is where the miracles happen. You are where you are supposed to be, and you are the person that I made you to be. You are perfect! You have a beautiful life ahead of you. Life is a gift. Treat it as such. When it is your time to come home, I will come get you, but until then go be a light for me and live in joy”!

I could feel the light moving away. The door in the back of the train opened. As I headed for the door, I could feel the presence of my daughter; my beloved dog and all the others that had already been called home. They were all there loving me and pushing me towards the door. I went through the door reluctantly not wanting to let go of the moment. I could hear a loud buzzing as the door began to shut behind me. I slowly opened my eyes, and I was laying in my bed. My phone alarm was going off. I did not want to move for fear of forgetting what I had just experienced. But I knew I would never forget because it wasn’t a dream, and I was given my purpose. Tears drenched my pillow as I remembered the feel of her arms and smell of her hair. My daughter was home, and she was safe. I could let go of my sorrow. And, she had Pepper with her! My heart was full! A surge of excitement came over me. And for the first time in a long while, I heard the birds singing outside and felt the urge to feel the sun. I bounced out of bed ready to live my best life!