The Story Behind Strong.Wild.Free Inc.

Kira Finn

Strong.Wild.Free Inc.

“Little things create BIG impacts!”

October 17, 2020

My Story: Strong.Wild.Free Inc.

I am STRONG!💪

I am WILD!✌️

I am FREE!🦋

I am STRONGER than ANY obstacle in my path. Mentally and physically.💪

I am ALWAYS going to be WILD!✌️

I am FREE to be ME!🦋

Introducing my symbol of

Strong.Wild.Free

I created it to be the initials S.W.F.

But it's much more than that...

I wanted to make my own Celtic knot to symbolize eternity. (As well as a part of myself)

It can also be made using 3 infinity signs, because together we are limitless!

Finally;

I intended the knot to look like a butterfly.🦋

To symbolize the butterfly effect that we all have on this Earth! We ALL matter!

The butterfly also stands for new life and transformation. For finding lightness, joy and beauty within life.

Like a caterpillar, we all have to suffer the pain of feeling like we're nothing and alone in our cocoons...

In order to become the beautiful butterfly we are meant to be!🦋

WE ARE ALL

STRONG.WILD.FREE!

💪✌️🦋

With Strong.Wild.Free Inc., my mission is to inspire creating positive impacts in every little way possible. By educating about little things that will raise awareness and help others. Connecting; Sharing knowledge to reduce waste and negative energy within our world. By inspiring unique minds to creatively upcycle.

I live by Mac Miller’s quote:

“Life goes on, DAYS GET BRIGHTER!”

Last year for my birthday, I got “Life goes on” tattooed over my heart as I was a dark mindset and couldn’t yet see that days truly do get brighter. This year, I plan to finish the tattoo with the rest of the quote!

I have suffered in silence with depression and anxiety, all my life. I grew up in a negative environment. Art was my therapy. I got the nickname “Doodlebug” at a very young age.

My father is an alcoholic and my mother suffers from her own depression. There was always a lot of fighting. We felt a bit divided as a family. My brother came from a different father and I feel that kind of made “favorite” relationships within my family. My brother being “Mommy’s Boy” and I being “Daddy’s Girl”. These favoritisms caused for a lot of tension between my family, for as long as I can remember.

As we grew older, the fighting began to worsen, and it was no longer hidden from us. I remember writing multiple notes about running away since I was in grade 3. My brother and I started to become involved in the fights. When I was in grade 6, I had a friend tell me something, that destroyed our entire family. Her mom worked with my dad and so she’s been at the job sites and had noticed my dad had a lady always coming to visit and hanging around. I had passed that information onto my mom, and I will never forget the look on her face when I said the lady’s name. I have never seen someone so broken, as my mother was after that. It was an old high school fling, that had never really left his life. My mom had confronted him about her and when he denied it, my mom called me into the fight to say what I had heard from my friend. That fight shattered whatever childhood I had left. The pain I had seen on my dad’s face during that specific fight, is something I can never forget. It broke me, to break them.

After it was brought into the open, it was discovered that my dad cheated for about 8 years during their marriage. That information only worsened my mother’s depression. After that, we sold the house that we had built beside my grandfather and moved to my Nana’s house for a while. There were only 2 bedrooms in the house, my mom had one and my brother the other. I had my mattress at the end of the hallway while we were there. I ended up moving out and staying with a family friend for a while, to help clear my head from the stresses that were creating my negative mindset. This only caused tension and negativity between me and my childhood best friend. I felt so alone at that school after our friendship started to sour.

I moved back home for grade 8, at another new school. I feel that is where I got bullied the most. I was always bullied in school growing up for my gap teeth and other things I couldn’t change. My insecurities always ate me alive. Especially when they were pointed out by others, all I wanted to do was hide. That year, my parents also started talking and seeing each other again. My relationship with my mom was the hardest it’s ever been. I felt my brother and mom were a team and I was alone. I remember crying to my mom one night, trying to express how I felt and she took it the wrong way, as she was fighting with my father over the phone at the time. I was told to “go cry somewhere else”, so I wrote a goodbye note, packed my bag and climbed out of the second story bathroom window. From there I ran barefoot downtown Belleville to try and find where my friend lived. My mom ended up finding me there a few hours later. After that, I went to live with my dad for a while, until my parents got back together.

In grade 8, a friend I had grown up with, got incredibly sick. His organs began to fail, and he needed a transplant. While waiting for the organ he needed, he spent his last bit of life with Toronto’s Sick Kids hospital. I will never forget the video he made during his time there. They had given him the best memories he had. More importantly, they helped him find his smile again. The mindset he had during his time there, was truly an inspiration that I will always carry with me. He will always remain forever young, and he will always be imprinted on my soul.

The summer before I started grade 9, we all moved together again. It was amazing at first. But that didn’t last long. My dad still drank. All four of us were together in a house again, meaning the favoritisms grew dominant again. Leading to the worst fights our family ever had. We would fight in front of guests. Fights almost got physical between my brother and father. It was terrifying some days.

Since every woman in my mom’s family has a thyroid condition of some sort, my anxiety made me fear gaining weight. Which resulted in eating disorders, that I am finally trying to take back control of. During my years in high school, the depression worsened, to a point I wanted to take my own life. I self-harmed most of those years. I remember making myself incredibly sick after swallowing a handful of pills one night, I just knew I didn’t want to wake up the next day. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and began drinking and smoking. My mom had gone through my room and found a bunch of my journals, smokes and other illegal paraphernalia. She ended up picking me up from school and taking me to Children’s Mental Health to talk with a therapist.

When I was 15, I couldn’t take the fighting and the drinking anymore. My brother had moved in with his girlfriend and her family due to the negativity. My parents were no longer sleeping in the same room. I began locking my bedroom door at night, so I would feel safe. I had enough of feeling that way and moved out again with another friend and her family. After I moved out, it wasn’t long before my dad left. Without warning, he cleared out the house while my mom was at work. She was devasted when she came home that day. I couldn’t leave her alone, so I moved back with her.

At this time, this was the worst I had ever seen her depression. It was a very dark time in our lives. Without my dad, we couldn’t afford the house and all the bills. There was a point for almost a month that my mom and I went without hydro in the house. Until my brother’s tax return came into my mom’s account and she was able to pay to turn it back on.

I stopped going to school for a while and stopped getting out of bed all together for a LONG time. When I finally was able to tell my doctor how suicidal I was, she put me on antidepressants, which only intensified the suicidal thoughts. I stopped taking them, as I was terrified what I was going to do. During high school, I lost a couple more people my age due to bullying and violence. That broke my heart to realize just how evil our world can truly be! Those lives lost, impacted my life incredibly.

When my doctor found my cuts and scars, she had told me something I will never forget. “When you feel like hurting yourself, go put on your shoes instead! Tie them up and go for a run! You won’t want to run, but once you start, you won’t want to stop. Running and working out gives off the same endorphins as self-harming does.”

I tried it and it worked incredibly for me! I found this eased my anxiety about weight gain as well, which helped my mental state even more. My love for sports and fitness only grew stronger after that and I wanted to become a personal trainer to help others find their peace, in the same way that I did. I started college for Health and Fitness Promotion.

In November 2012, my final year of high school, I met my ex when I started looking after his dog, Mac. His family was close with mine, as his father and my mother were best friends and dated on and off during their years in high school. I had never been so in love with anyone before. I attached myself to him completely! Once college started, we fell into the party crowd together. Alcohol and drugs started to take over. Fights escalated physically when both of us partied together. Friends remember a time that I got thrown through a table. On my 19th birthday, I was elbowed in the face trying to stop my ex from hitting my brother, for defending me. I fell back and split my head open on the sidewalk. I ended up with a broken orbital bone and a fractured skull.

We were together 24/7. I was not trusted when I wasn’t in eyesight. I got kicked out of my house because of my relationship and moved to the college, where I was even closer to the partying and ended up changing courses, as I felt guilty that I myself, wasn’t being true to what I was supposed to teach others. I completed the year in General Arts, but never went back after the first year to finish.

After college, I followed my ex back to his hometown, where drinking and driving almost killed us, my first weekend there. The drugs began to take over our lives. Every week, without fail, we would be partying in some way. This also meant the fighting continued. As our addictions became more severe, and the money kept disappearing, our fights grew to escalate intensely. I had lost my family and friends by this point and felt I had nothing without him. He knew this and would tell me to get out and leave whenever we would fight. I felt incredibly trapped. I was hurting myself again.

Since I hadn’t been able to keep in contact with friends, I always had anxiety and hesitated when it came to reaching out to someone I thought was in need. I had seen a post my friend made on Facebook about how alone she felt because of what was happening in her life and with her parents. I wanted to reach out with everything I had, but then hesitated and convinced myself that “she has so many people who care for her, that will reach out. Friends she is closer with, than we had been.” … Two weeks later, I read her obituary. October 3, 2017. Sandra had taken her own life. This girl was stunning, an actual model, with pure kindness in her heart and a smile that lit up the entire room when she walked in. She radiated beauty and love every time I saw her. My assumption was that she had many people who loved her and were going to be there for her. But the ones she needed, weren’t there when she needed it the most. The regret of not reaching out to her to tell her how beautiful and loved she was, when I had the chance to, haunts me every day. Since losing her, I have tried to tell each person exactly how they make me feel and how loved they truly are. I never want to miss that opportunity again.

2017 was a difficult year, so many people close to us were dying from fentanyl. That was the wakeup call I needed to finally be able to stop doing drugs myself. I have now been sober since December 2017.

The drugs and drinking continued for my ex, which brought on a whole new array of fights between us. Since 2013, this was the first year I began staying home alone to better myself, instead of partying with him. The time apart only triggered more fighting and accusations. There was absolutely no trust between both of us. He accused me of cheating and was lying about what he was doing while out.

Since I felt so alone, I began to want a dog. I needed something to love and give my attention to. That’s when I found Xena (Z). She was a gift for my birthday in 2018. She has been and continues to be, my savior in many ways.

In November 2018, my ex and I attended his work’s Christmas party. This was the first time I had really let myself drink since being sober. This night changed my life completely. To this day, I don’t recall a single thing that happened that night after we took the cab home. We began fighting as soon as we got in the car, and then it goes black for me. Next thing I remembered was standing across the road with the police, waiting for my friend to pick me up. I was covered head to toe in bruises and bleeding bad. The next morning, I remember looking at my pictures and realizing I had taken pictures and videos during the fight that night. Listening to my terrified voice broke my own heart. Seeing our tv and entire house smashed to pieces and filled with holes, was something I never want to experience again.

I took Z and stayed with my friend for a week. I refused to return home until he had agreed to get help with anger management and the addictions. He lied to me saying he had called the doctor, just so I would return home.

Since I had called 911 about domestic violence, Victims Services heard my call and reached out to offer me counselling. I began going to sessions at the Positive Change centre and that helped me get out of the situation I was in. I honestly owe my life to that counselling. I have no idea if I ever would have found the strength to leave on my own. That hurts me to think about. Once the covered counselling ran out, it was extremely hard to find $120 just to talk to her for an hour... and so I couldn’t go back as much as I needed. In a time that I truly needed it the most. (After I left my ex)

That last year was nothing but lies and hiding things. I couldn’t trust a single word that was said, to the point I started recording our conversations. I would replay these recordings while I was alone and in a calmer mindset, so I could listen without my emotions causing judgement. This helped me, more than I can explain.

I was able to take his name off the lease, as it was my grandmother who helped us get the house. I refused to have to leave my own house, in case something like that fight happened again. Unless I had charged him with something that night, they couldn’t ask him to leave since his name was on the house as well. The fighting and lying only escalated from there. Until he finally left in September 2019.

Once he left, I started struggling hard with my mental illnesses. The depression and anxiety were the scariest they’ve ever been. I began to suffer from PTSD and started having anxiety attacks. I was terrified that my ex would come find me while he was drunk and on drugs. The thought of him being on a bender since we split, ate at me more than I’d like to admit. He blamed the bender on me and tried to guilt me into taking him back. That guilt crushed me. All I ever wanted to do was help him and love him, because he too had his demons from his past. Knowing I was the reason he was hurting; is a feeling I never want to experience again.

The PTSD began to take over. I was in constant fear, being in the same small town as him. The anxiety attacks only grew worse. On my way to work one day in November, I had to pull over while having the scariest attack yet. Once I could finally breathe again, I called my doctor and told her what had been going on. She booked me for an appointment right away. That appointment, I was put on antidepressants (Trintellex 20mg) and put on stress leave from work for a month. That stress leave ended up continuing until March, when I was forced to leave my job, because I moved 2 hours away. During this leave from work, my life had no schedule, no consistency, and my ADHD was the worst it’s ever been. I felt I was spiraling out of control!

During my stress leave, I moved 3 times, to 3 different towns. Each time I felt I was finally getting above water; something would pull me back under again. I was drowning. The final move I made, was back to Belleville to live with my Mother. I found a job again and felt I was finally on the road to recovery. I had felt I no longer needed to continue my anti-depressants (as I was fearful of relying on them to keep me happy). After forgetting my pills for a couple days, I called my doctor and explained to her how I was feeling and asked her if I could just stop taking them altogether. She advised that I take smaller doses and begin to ween myself off, rather than just stopping to take them. I felt okay at the time and assured her I would be okay without weening. She agreed it was my decision, even though she highly suggested otherwise.

Right after stopping them, I felt better. I was proud of myself for how far I had come and excited to be feeling happy on my own, for the first time in a long time. Then after a couple weeks, my emotions started rushing back, faster than I could stop them. Little things would trigger my PTSD and the anxiety attacks started coming back. Seeing certain vehicles would send me into a crippling anxiety attack, among many other things.

When songs would play, I would feel every emotion in them. When I heard “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi during that time, it was like it was the very first time I heard that song. I understood EVERY lyric and I felt it intensely. My mind raced to thoughts of Sandra and flooded my mind with guilt and regret. I had to pull over and let myself weep for a while and just think about her, and the others I lost too soon.

Then the first week of June, I crossed paths again with an amazing soul at the Black Lives Matter March. I had known this boy growing up but hadn’t seen him since we were young. He messaged our friend and got my number. Once we started talking, it was instant connection. Pure love in every form. It was a love I’d never been given before and one I will always cherish. We were head over heels for each other and enjoyed every moment we had together. He felt safe. When I was with him, I was able to escape my mind and be present with him.

At the beginning of July, he had to move back to Vancouver to finish school. We had made plans that I would go see him. Even his parents reached out to offer to pay for part of my plane ticket. It was magic. Until it wasn’t. After he had moved, we talked daily. He would even facetime me at night to help me fall asleep, because I was struggling with my anxiety.

The anxiety continued to worsen. I became incredibly sick. I thought I was going to die. Every organ inside me started to ache and it became impossible to cough or even breathe. I went to the hospital 3 times and did every test. When all came back, it was finally discovered that I had an STI that had gone untreated and turned into a severe pelvic infection. The severe infection was traumatic on my mental health. At the same time, I was losing my love. He was talking less and less and facetiming at night was no longer a thing. When I needed it the most. I was the darkest I’d ever been. I wanted to hurt myself again. It was then, that I started looking into attachment styles, and realized within my unhealthy attachment styles that I had some past traumas that I was still fighting.

It was then, that I decided I needed to find a way to heal naturally! I refused to take more pills as they didn’t “heal” my issues, they only “hid” them and numbed me. I was determined to find a way to heal naturally and on my own. The beginning of August 2020 is when I began my “Self-Love Journey”. I began daily affirmations and began studying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and healing properties within crystals. I found Rose Quartz to wear every day and continued to add other stones I felt I needed.

I was determined to get better and create a safe space within my own mind. I didn’t want to have to rely on medication or others in order to be happy. I was going to take back the control, I never had. I began by writing a mantra of affirmations for myself. Everything I wanted/needed to see within myself.

My Mantra:

I will forgive myself.

I will heal from my past.

I will learn to love myself.

I will look in the mirror with confidence!

I will face my insecurities FEARLESSLY until they become my proudest features.

I choose to surround myself with only healthy, positive energy!

I will choose myself over anyone or anything! (OTHER THAN MY DOG)

I choose to focus on the positives of each day, so much that I don’t even notice the negatives.

I choose to be STRONG.WILD.FREE and live life for myself!

I promise to never lose my childish side.

I will make healthier choices!

I AM STRONGER THAN MY ADDICTIONS.

I will always remind myself of the power that tomorrow holds.

I will cherish each new day as a fresh start.

ONLY I CONTROL MY LIFE!

And it will be HAPPY. Filled with LOVE. RESPECT! And EMOTIONS!

SO MANY EMOTIONS!

Because my feelings ARE VALID and I am ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS!

I WILL FOREVER OVER-USE

“I LOVE YOU”!

Because I have SO MUCH LOVE to GIVE! (Maybe too much)

BUT

I NEVER AGAIN WANT TO MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW THEY MAKE ME FEEL!

I, myself, as much as anyone in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE, deserves my love and affection. (Buddha)

I am LOVED. I am CONFIDENT.

I AM HERE FOR A PURPOSE!

Since starting my self-love journey, I feel I am a whole new person already! I have a whole new perspective on life, and I want to help others find that in any way possible! I have found great comfort personally from spirituality. I find oracle cards or tarot cards bring me comfort and guidance in times I feel lost. I have also found incredible comfort within Angel numbers and paying attention to little signs like when animals cross my path! My personal belief is that we are all the creators of our world. Each soul with it’s unique talent and skills, is what truly creates the world we live in. I believe minds are meant to be unique!

Learning about “6 Degrees of Seperation” and the butterfly effect, made me realize how connected we all truly are in this world. We are all part of the bigger picture. Life Matters. Whether it be the life of a bee, tree or human being, I believe each life is equal, as each impact out world greatly. As more animal species become at risk or extinct, the need for positive change on our planet is more important than ever. We have already lost too many. We cannot lose the bees too. As their numbers are reaching terrifying lows, we are noticing the changes that are following. They are needed incredibly.

In September 2020, I was inspired by a video on Tiktok of a girl raising money for her birthday, to bless the restaurant. With my birthday a couple weeks away (October 12), I decided to start a fundraiser of my own, for my local wildlife rescue, Sandy Pines Wildlife Centre. I was working too much to physically volunteer there at the time and wanted to help in a way that I was able to! Since a very young age, we have taken any orphaned/injured animals we have found, to them. Within the past couple months, while working on the reserve in Tyendinaga-Mohawk Territory, I have gotten close to a worker from there and was more aware of the difficulties they are facing. I was determined to raise awareness of their centre, and collect donations. I wanted to focus mainly on little things that everyone has and can collect. Like food scraps, small items off their wish-list, pumpkins and branches for their enclosures. I ended up raising over $500 for the centre, and am continuing to raise more.

Since starting to investigate donating food scraps to the rescue, I began reading further into the food waste issues that are affecting our planet! Food waste in landfills rots and emits greenhouse gases. I wish to bring this to more people’s attention and have food scraps collected to be donated to wildlife rescues, and compost to local producers/farmers. This would in turn cut costs for waste removal from homes/restaurants, on food for the wildlife rescues and on fertilizer for the farmers.

If we all work together to help each other, by doing little things, we can truly change the world!

This fundraiser ignited inspiration to incorporate my brand, Strong.Wild.Free as a non-profit organization! I was originally planning on using that name as a brand to advocate for Mental Health and use my creations to share my symbol!. Now, I’d like it to be much greater than that! I wish to use my organization to help AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE! I would like to continue to help raise awareness and donations for charities that are helping create a positive impact on our Earth, with what they do! I also wish to inspire as many other creators

I want to help those who can’t afford therapy, find ways to heal naturally and properly! I personally never thought feeling this way was possible for myself and I’m truly grateful for finding everything that I have! Since beginning that fundraiser, I have been working hard to positively change my own life, so I can help others more. I have quit smoking. Started with a personal trainer. Started school online (Live Your Lifestyle University) to learn how to manage a business. Started taking classes about the properties of Art Therapy. Started taking control of my mental and physical health in every way I possibly can.

Little things have always impacted my life massively. I wish to share the little things that have personally helped me get to where I am.

I’d like to inspire others to begin doing little things, that will lead to huge positive change! The smallest thing, such as a compliment, can truly be the difference in someone’s entire life. As well as, one negative comment, can end a life. More people need to realize the power of their words and energy. Negativity has grown to be too common in our world, and with that, too many lives are lost too soon. Too many spirits are broken with negative comments, rather than being encouraged to be different.

Too often, people think of love only in a romantic sense. When love comes in many forms. More people need to be told they are loved for who they are, for the talents they have and for being themselves.

LET LOVE BE LOUDER.

I wish to inspire others to reduce, reuse and recycle. Stop littering and pick up trash when they see it. As well as get creative and upcycle as many things as possible!

I want to inspire other creators to collaborate with my organization in order to help raise awareness for different issues our world faces. I’d like to showcase their names/business, with the creative talents and skills they have, and have their work help raise proceeds for donations towards causes. As well as inspire them to try to creatively upcycle within their work.

Personally, I try to upcycle as much as possible in all my creations. I do a lot of paintings on pallet boards. I create my keychains using old necklaces and chains. I use old clothing to make pouches or paint with bleach. Etc.

I also love to collect little things like rocks, feathers, shells and other small items from nature, that I use within my crafts. Little things truly mean the world to me.

My goals currently for Strong.Wild.Free Inc.:

To raise $2500 donations for Sandy Pines Wildlife Centre, by Christmas.

To raise $500,000 donations for nonprofits.

To partner with 100 nonprofit organizations to help raise awareness and donations.

To inspire 100 creative minds to collaborate with my organization, to promote their talents, as well as use their work, to help raise proceeds towards nonprofits.

I plan to add and help raise donations and awareness for every charity that has helped those I love. Including Canadian Cancer Society for breast cancer research (For my Grandmother who is a fighter), Toronto Sick Kids Hospital (In loving memory of Jordyn), Ronald McDonald House (In memory of Lucas), to name a couple.

I would like to advocate for mental health and aim to raise awareness about suicide prevention (In loving memory of Sandra), bullying prevention (In loving memory of Alex), domestic abuse, addiction and alcohol awareness, PTSD prevention, etc.

Furthermore, I am working toward being completely environmentally friendly with my organization. I wish to help companies that are making a difference in our world by bringing environmental issues to light. Organizations such as National Geographic Society, The Turtle Project, Greenpeace, WWF, FSC, and so on.

I hope to inspire others to

#JoinMyIMPACT

and help create a massive positive impact within our world!

Together, we are truly infinite.

“LITTLE THINGS CREATE BIG IMPACTS!”

#WeAreAllPartOfTheBiggerPicture

#LIFEMATTERS