The Small Black Notebook

You rifle through your bag, forgetting what you were searching for. *Books, chapstick, vape pen, phone, sunglasses...ahHA* Your finger automatically stops on an unfamilar surface, soft as moleskine. *Hang on, what's that?*

You grip the object, pull it out, and stare in wonder. *How did this get here?* You turn the small black notebook in your hands, then open it and flip through the pages. *Empty empty empty...ooo, what's this?* A piece of paper flutters out from the notebook and spirals to its resting spot several feet away from you. *goddammit*

You sigh, mutter under your breath, and pick up the paper scanning the words, but not quite processing them. Your jaw drops. You read the text again. You're in utter disbelief.

“Congratulations! You have $20k, which can be cashed at the closest convenience store. There is one requirement: write what you would do with the money in this notebook first.”

*I've won...$20k? Really? Is this another scam? Is this even real? This never happens to me. Holy…*

You drop the notebook and take a moment to collect your thoughts. *Ok, leap of faith. What if this were real? What if writing my story gets me the money? What would I do with it?*

Your hand grabs the nearest pen and assumes a deathclaw grip. You shakily etch out the following words:

“I am a trauma survivor. I would contact a lawyer and get the divorce I’ve needed for the last eleven years. Hopefully my husband notes the brain damage he contributed to my hellish existence. I hope he has the heart to give me alimony. Karma is a boomerang, as they say.

I am an assault survivor. I have a body camera for my own protection. I would get more batteries and SD cards. I disassociate hundreds of times daily. I would take Lyft and use Instacart to help improve my personal safety.

I am a digital nomad. I would get AirBNBs around my city to help defuse PTSD triggers. I have thousands. I used to live in constant fear and frustration. I can order in my favorite food without having to go out, which makes it easier with my vision impairment. I can rest easier now that I can reach my network using a body camera!

I am drowning in debt. Believe me, I would love to pay off my creditors if I could so they would stop calling. I would wipe out the credit card with the highest interest rate and breath a little easier at night.

I am an ex student. I’ve dreamt of being a recovery counselor, a social worker, and a child psychiatrist. I have around $28k in student loans. I have a bachelor science degree in psychology and would finish my PHD if I had the money in hand.

I used to be homeless. My bleeding heart caused me to float a friend on rent and cover their medication for six months. I took on debt and worked 80-100 hours work weeks to support my friend. Now I have too much debt to ever be able to do that again for someone I love. If I had extra money, I would donate blankets and food to people I see struggling on the streets around me. I don’t have to walk very far to find people in crisis all around me.

I see my friends in crisis, and feel powerless to help them. If I had extra money, I would donate to their fundraisers to help alleviate some of their financial anxiety.”

You take a deep breath, smile, and walk into the closest convenience store.

“Hi, I’ve just won money. $20k, please!”