The Simple Moments in Life to Remember When You’ve Lost All Hope

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Trigger Warning: Talk of suicidal ideation

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"I want to die."

I would whisper to myself on the floor of my bathroom.

I wanted to end my life; all the thoughts and scenarios swirled through my head.

I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up until this feeling was gone.

I still wanted to see all the good things in life and even some of the bad stuff. I wanted anything but this bad feeling.

I feel trapped in my own body, forced to exist. I never thought I would get out; I was doomed to live in this hell for eternity. Everything seemed like it was falling apart; the future seemed so dim and grey.

"What more do I have? I have no reason to be alive."

At this moment, various images of my husband, cats, family, and our future kids running through my mind.

I would miss all that. I don't want to miss anything. I need to hold out hope for a better tomorrow; I will not give up.

When we get into these thought patterns, it's easy to believe the lies our mental illness tells us.

Through all my bouts of suicidal ideation, I have found the simplest ways to help get me through this feeling.

The sun will always rise and set

When I've found myself at my lowest, it's hard to feel safe.

Something that will never fail to happen is the sun rising and setting. We never have to worry about the sun peeking through the morning haze or the colorful progression of a sunset happening. The moon is a lovely companion because there will always be some type of light in the sky.

The various hues and calming tones mix without failure; the sun and moon are the true constants in life.

When I have my bad thoughts, I focus on what I know can never let me down. At my lowest, the sun and the moon are my friends.

Nature around you will never stop

Year-round, rain or shine, there will always be bits of nature.

Birds, bugs, weather, and plants will always be around.

When the bad thoughts appear, I look out my window and look for any birds, dogs, or cats that may be out. I always note the small flowers growing through the concrete or the watermelon plants that always sprout without fail every year around my neighborhood.

Being stuck in those bad thoughts makes me feel hopeless and lost. I feel out of control with my life circumstances that it feels like everything is falling apart.

But everything outside my head and home is still going on.

Throughout season changes or unexpected weather, nature persists. Much like the sun and moon, nature will always be around.

Happiness is right around the corner

Everything in life is temporary, even emotions. Good or bad, everything comes to an end.

The feelings that are burning inside your chest will subside; don't give up; you'll miss out on the happiness you never thought would come.

This entire week I was feeling sad and having these bad thoughts. My bad thoughts came suddenly, and they were powerful. I have been going through some rough patches, so I'm still getting my footing after some upsetting events.

I had been feeling so upset the other night, and I began to struggle. Everything in life felt dull and listless.

But when I came home from shopping with a friend, I arrived to a surprise party. My husband had recruited all of our friends to plan the best birthday party for me.

I had never had a surprise party thrown for me, so I was shocked, overwhelmed, and so grateful. It was the most fantastic birthday that I have ever had.

I began to think about the day before when all these bad thoughts kept swirling around. I stayed focused on the happiness around the corner - I held onto that with all of my strength; I am so glad I did.

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Check me out at: Thatpsychnerd.com

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As Originally Posted on Medium