As a regular reader of my blogs, quite often you will note that I give the recommendation that we should always be seeking to help, support, uplift, motivate, inspire, and encourage others. When we are proactive in encouraging and supporting others, to pursue their goals, and be striving for happiness, exactly as we desire for ourselves, along with having the generosity to help those in need, it brings a whole new level of satisfaction and fulfillment to our lives, as we are privileged to observe the positive impact we can actually have in the world. Helping others is something I, and many other motivational speakers, life coaches, and successful individuals worldwide, will always encourage. One thing we will discourage though, is when we go about pleasing others. You may be scratching your head, questioning if there is even any difference between helping others and pleasing others, or perhaps wondering why we should be discouraged from pleasing others? Let me first try and clarify the difference between the two. Helping others I could best define as doing an act of kindness towards other people. The beauty of helping others is there are no limitations. We are not restricted to only helping people that we know, it could be a random act of kindness towards a stranger. This kindness and help may come via generosity in giving financially, without the expectation of those funds being returned, such as a donation, giving money to a homeless person, or even to someone you personally know who is doing it tough financially. It may come in the form of volunteer work, sacrificing one's own time, in order to be helping out local community associations, sporting clubs, welfare groups, and the like. It may be about genuinely being there for someone who is going through an extremely difficult time in their life, by regularly visiting them, checking on them, offering to assist in any way, and showing them heartfelt support and compassion. It could be as little as being that support person who is there to continually encourage, motivate, and be that vital source of positivity towards someone, who is on the journey towards achieving their goals. It could be helping an elderly neighbor out, by cooking some meals for them, or assisting them by doing the gardening or lawnmowing. Helping out others is not about doing all the work for them, it's about relieving the burden on them, and showing them that they have someone there who genuinely cares for them and their welfare, and has genuine compassion for them. The best form of helping others comes from spontaneity, and not waiting until someone asks for help, through being proactive in identifying their struggles, and assisting them accordingly. Helping others is about kindness, care, compassion, and generosity from the heart, without any expectation of anything in return.
Now let's look at what pleasing others is all about. Pleasing others is basically when we continually try hard to make others happy. This extends to actually going out of our way though, even if it means using our own valuable time and resources to do so. Still confused between the difference? Both are about bringing happiness to others, and sacrificing time and resources to do so, yeah? The distinct difference between the two, is that in helping others, we are intent on enhancing and improving the lives and behaviors of others, whilst pleasing others is as a result of insecurity and a lack of self-esteem. There is a total contrast in behaviors, and that's where the difference lies. Helping others is genuinely about care, compassion, and support, through actually trying to make a positive difference in the lives of others, whilst pleasing others is purely as a result of fear, with the concern of being rejected, disliked, disrespected, criticized, hated, unfriended, scolded, and being labelled as selfish if we decline the requests of others. Let me give you a few examples of a people pleaser. They say yes to the requests others, when they know they should be saying no, they tend to feel responsible for other people's emotions, they side with the majority and don't have their own opinion, they disregard their own values to fit in with others, they apologize for the most insignificant things, and they fake being interested in something they're not even truly interested in.
So why is it such a problem being a people pleaser? Well, for the simple reason that we are sacrificing our own happiness, goals, values, morals, and future, in doing so. We've all been in that situation where our friend calls up and asks us to go somewhere with them, be it a Saturday night on the town drinking, a coffee date, to catch up for a movie, or to head out together for dinner maybe. Not only is there that enticement of getting do go out and do something fun, but there's also that feeling of guilt in letting that friend down if we say no, and that worry of how they will react if we said no. Will it mean they won't bother asking us out anywhere again? Will they be unhappy and angry with us? What if they befriend us? What if they lose respect for us? The last thing we want to do is negatively impact our friendship, yet we know full well that we have an assignment that needs completing, or there's something overdue that needs actioning around the house, or we know we should be working on the actions that are leading towards our goals, or perhaps we have some other prior engagement or commitment arranged. It's like we feel obligated to say yes, and if we don't, we would undoubtedly be letting them down. We don't want to feel that guilt in saying no, and guaranteed, that friend will always then go about making us feel guilty. We find that they don't take no for an answer, continually throwing more reasons at us as to why we should go with them, and for most people, they reach a point where they cave in to the peer pressure. Whilst the time with that friend ends up being enjoyable, we then face the regret of having wasted the opportunity to have completed what we knew was important, thereafter.
For anyone who knows what the journey to success, happiness, wealth, and goals accomplishment, is like, they would well know it is brutal. It requires ongoing hard work, dedication, commitment, patience, perseverance, resilience, and above all, sacrifice. Those who achieve such rewards end up giving up so much of their time, especially on all those activities that bring us that boost of short term satisfaction and happiness, such as watching Netflix, or gaming, or going out clubbing on the weekends, or going out socializing with the friends, or the like. They do this for years on end. It's a classic case of short term pain for long term gain. It's a combination of determination, will power, and mental strength, and that mental strength comes from having the courage to say "no" to people. These individuals lose a lot of friends and acquaintances in the process, and the reason being is those friends and acquaintances grow tired of not being benefited and pleased. It's sad that so many people use others to get their own way in life. They pretend to be friendly and caring, yet their friendship is based purely on what's in it for them, rather than what's in it for the friendship. These same people love to make others feel guilty also, and they will push the boundaries. They mess with people's mindsets, they delight in playing the victim, and they divert the blame on others. They are not the type of individual that we should have as friends anyway. Yep, they are toxic! Just as we want to be supportive, positive minded, inspiring, uplifting, helpful, and encouraging, towards others, we want to surround ourselves with people who are like-minded.
So are you a helper or a pleaser? It's time to understand the need for no! We shouldn't be held captive by our fears of what other people may think of us, how they may judge us, or how they may make us feel guilty. The number one thing we need to do is first establish ourselves a clear life goal. We need that something which provides us with drive, something in which we have such a strong emotional attachment to, that we would do anything to achieve. We need to then make the actions of working towards that goal as our number one priority in life. No matter how mundane and arduous these actions may be, we must have the will power to do these daily. Sure we can treat ourselves to a break every now and then, such as one of those catch-ups with friends, but maybe on monthly or quarterly basis, perhaps as a reward for a milestone we achieved. We need to stop seeking validation from others, and instead find that validation within ourselves. We also need to have the courage to remove those toxic people from our life, those who are unsupportive of our goals, those who discourage us, those who are only using us to get their own way. We often view that looking after ourselves and placing ourselves first is an act of selfishness, when really, all we are doing is trying to design a life of happiness and success for ourselves, which we all deserve. Let others be responsible for their own happiness, that's not our job. We can generate happiness by helping others, and doing random acts of kindness, but it's up to others to find their own happiness within, as it is for ourselves. Don't be scared or hesitant to say no to people when you know you're not in the position to fulfill their request, or you have your own priorities to attend to. Let them judge you, criticize you, or unfriend you. It will only reveal the people you need to remove from your life. Those who truly have your best interest at heart will always support, encourage, and motivate you, in your journey towards your goals, which will be evident by their actions rather than just their words. Have the courage and strength to start saying no, and start focusing on and creating the future you desire!
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About the Creator
David Stidston
My name is David Stidston, and I am a single father to my 8-year-old daughter Mia. We live in the beautiful city of Hobart in Tasmania, Australia. I am currently self-employed, working as a freelancer and casually in market research.
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Taking Responsibility
I'm not going to deny the fact that one of my pet peeves in life is when people refuse to take responsibility for their decisions and actions. It's these same group of people who will never admit to being wrong, or never accept that they have made a mistake or error. Even when there is overwhelming evidence against them, proving that they were indeed at fault or in the wrong, they still claim innocence. When they are completely cornered into being guilty, they then resort to passing the blame on someone, or something, else. You will find a lot of the time that these same people also become very agitated and irritable when they are proven wrong. They become very defensive and often try to deflect the conversation around back on us, reeling off a list of all our faults and flaws, and even getting quite personal about it all. The concerning aspect to all of this is the extraordinarily high number of people in the world that are in fact this type of individual. I think at some, even many, times in our life, we have been guilty of proclaiming innocence from a mistake or error, that we know we indeed did make, yet we are too proud to admit it. I'm certainly no saint, and I'll admit that I have done it before, so it does make me sound a little hypocritical perhaps, but over these past few years, I have made a concerted effort to change my behavior with it. Probably for the fact that I've changed myself to begin taking responsibility, and have now become accountable, for my mistakes and errors, witnessing others not doing the same is probably a reason why it has become one of my pet peeves.
By David Stidston5 years ago in Motivation
Dream Big. Work Bigger
Dreaming big has always been celebrated. From childhood, we are encouraged to imagine limitless futures, to picture ourselves succeeding beyond ordinary boundaries. Dreams give us direction, hope, and a sense of purpose. But dreams alone are fragile. Without action, they remain ideas—beautiful, inspiring, and incomplete. That is where the second half of the phrase matters most: Work Bigger. “Dream Big. Work Bigger.” is not just a motivational slogan. It is a mindset that acknowledges a hard truth many people avoid: extraordinary dreams demand extraordinary effort. The size of your dream sets the destination, but the size of your work determines whether you ever arrive. The Power of Dreaming Big Dreaming big is an act of courage. It requires you to think beyond your current circumstances, resources, or limitations. Big dreams often feel uncomfortable because they challenge the identity you currently hold. When you dream big, you are admitting that you want more—more growth, more impact, more meaning. Big dreams also create clarity. They help you define what truly matters to you rather than what is merely convenient or expected. A bold vision acts like a compass, guiding decisions both large and small. When your goals are clear, distractions lose some of their power. You begin to ask better questions: Does this move me closer to my dream, or further away from it? However, dreaming big has its risks. Big dreams can intimidate, not only others but also yourself. They can invite doubt, fear of failure, and the temptation to stay comfortable. This is why many people quietly shrink their dreams over time. They convince themselves to aim lower, not because they lack potential, but because they underestimate the effort required to aim higher. Why Working Bigger Matters More Hard work is often misunderstood. It is not simply about working longer hours or exhausting yourself. Working bigger means working with intention, discipline, and consistency over a long period of time. It is about aligning your daily actions with your long-term vision, even when motivation fades. Working bigger requires patience. Results rarely appear quickly, especially when the goal is meaningful. The effort you put in today may not show visible rewards tomorrow, or even next month. This delayed gratification is where many people give up. They mistake slow progress for failure and stop just before momentum builds. It also requires humility. Working bigger means accepting that you do not know everything and that growth often involves learning through mistakes. Feedback, setbacks, and moments of doubt are not signs that you are on the wrong path. Often, they are evidence that you are stretching beyond what is familiar. Most importantly, working bigger requires consistency. Talent may open doors, but consistency keeps them open. Small actions, repeated daily, accumulate into powerful results. Writing one page every day eventually becomes a book. Practicing a skill regularly transforms ability into mastery. Working bigger is less about dramatic bursts of effort and more about showing up, again and again. The Gap Between Vision and Reality Many people live in the gap between what they want and what they are willing to do. They admire success stories without acknowledging the years of unseen effort behind them. Social media often amplifies this misunderstanding by highlighting outcomes rather than processes. The truth is less glamorous but far more empowering. Success is usually built quietly. It is created in early mornings, late nights, and moments when no one is watching. It is shaped by choices that feel ordinary at the time but prove extraordinary in hindsight. Bridging the gap between vision and reality means being honest with yourself. Are your daily habits aligned with your dreams? Do your actions reflect the future you say you want? This honesty can be uncomfortable, but it is also freeing. It gives you control. Once you recognize the gap, you can start closing it, step by step. Redefining Failure and Progress Working bigger also means redefining how you view failure. Failure is not the opposite of success; it is part of the process. Every attempt teaches you something—about your strategy, your mindset, or your limits. When you work bigger, failure becomes data, not a verdict. Progress is rarely linear. There will be periods of rapid growth and long stretches where nothing seems to change. During those quiet phases, the temptation to quit is strongest. But often, those are the moments when the foundation is being built. Growth happens beneath the surface before it becomes visible. Learning to appreciate progress, even when it is subtle, helps sustain momentum. Progress might look like improved discipline, clearer thinking, or greater resilience. These internal shifts often come before external success, and they are just as important. Living the Mindset Daily “Dream Big. Work Bigger.” becomes powerful when it is lived daily, not just repeated. It shows up in how you manage your time, how you respond to setbacks, and how seriously you take your own goals. It means choosing long-term growth over short-term comfort and commitment over convenience. This mindset does not demand perfection. It asks for effort, honesty, and persistence. There will be days when you fall short, when energy is low, and when doubt is loud. Working bigger does not mean never struggling; it means continuing despite the struggle. In the end, big dreams are not fulfilled by chance. They are earned through consistent action, thoughtful effort, and the willingness to keep going when the outcome is uncertain. When your work grows to match your dreams, something powerful happens. The future you once imagined slowly becomes the life you are building. Dream big, because your potential deserves space. But work bigger, because dreams only come alive through action.
By Saboor Brohi 6 days ago in Motivation
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