The Little Black Book and the Challenge

A strange thing happened to me last week. As I was sitting in my study reading, the bell rang. I went to answer, and as the entry to my portico swung and the morning light flooded through the room, I caught the silhouette of an unfamiliar figure standing on my stoop with a small package. He was a tall, well-dressed man. I said “hello.” He said, “message for you sir,” handed me the package, and turned and walked away. Confused, I took the package, politely said thank you, turned, and closed the door.

I took the package back to my study and began to open it wondering what could possibly be inside. To my surprise, I found nothing more than a little black book with a short letter attached. The letter read,

“If you have received this package, you have been chosen by a wealthy benefactor, to participate in a simple challenge. I will not tell you who I am, nor my purposes, but I will tell you that if you complete this challenge to my satisfaction, you will be awarded $20,000 by check in the same manner in which you received this package.

I have been watching you. Though others may have not noticed, and you have not been adequately rewarded for your efforts, it is clear you are considered a man of great influence in your community. When you call, people come. When you move people follow. When you speak, people listen. When you direct, people go. You have a kind of charisma that too few have acquired and even fewer have understood. Empowered with that charisma you have forever changed the landscape of your community through your efforts, and those with whom you come in contact sing praises of your character, of your authenticity, and of your leadership.

What perplexes me is your lack of success. With all your powers of persuasion, with all your authority in the lives of those around you, with all your popularity you have so little to show for it.

Therefore, I challenge you with this. I have gifted you with this blank little black book. On its pages, share with me your secret—What drives you? How do you hold such sway over all those you meet? Why have you not met with more success? Answer these three questions to my satisfaction and you shall be awarded $20,000.

You have three days. At the end of the third, place the little black book on the front stoop, and my servant will be back to pick it up.

Signed, WB (wealthy benefactor)

I sat back in my chair, folded my hands together on the back of my head, and pondered how this person heard of me and why in the world would he want my thoughts on these questions? The challenge befuddled me for the rest of the day. I didn’t get much sleep that night either.

The next morning, I tried to calm my mind and return to my daily routine. My mind wasn’t having it. It just raced. I decided the only way to deal with the problem was to follow through with it as an exercise. I didn’t really plan on putting it on the front stoop but thinking it through might give me peace. So, I sat down and wrote.

“Twenty years ago, I was not the man you’ve been watching. I was a complete failure. You see, when I left for college, I was naïve to the world. Being alone on campus with such little experience, I quickly fell in with the wrong crowd. My parents had spoiled me by rescuing me from everything growing up, and now I didn’t know how to stand on my own. So, I fell. I fell for everything. I fell for binge drinking at parties on weekends. I fell for one-night stands with girls who took me home from those parties. I even fell for some petty larceny to help pay for the rest of my falling.

Eventually, I fell so far I failed out of college. When I realized what was happening and the conversations I would have to have with my parents, I thought I had hit rock bottom. But to deal with it I decided to just dig a deeper hole. One night, I got drunk and went for a drive. I lost control of my car on a bend and slammed into a telephone pole. The next thing I remember I woke up in a hospital room with a concussion, some broken ribs and a broken nose, but alive. An investigator visited me while I was recovering. He asked me what happened. I confessed it all. He told me when they found me, I wasn’t alone. Another man, an older man, laid dead next to me. They said he pulled me from the car to safety before it caught fire, and then he collapsed and died of a heart attack.

I broke inside. I caused the death of another person. My body recovered, but my soul died. By some miracle I was never arrested, not even given a ticket. Here I caused the death of a man and I got off scot free. How does that happen?

As always, my parents came to the rescue. They took me home and tried to encourage me, but I was anhedonic. Then she came. Sitting alone at home one day, contemplating whether I even wanted to live or not, the bell rang. I looked through the peephole to see a little old lady. I figured she was there for my parents, so I answered the door. To my surprise she asked for me by name. I didn’t think it was possible, but my heart sank even further. I was sure she was there to confront me.

She did. She asked me if I was the young man whom her husband had saved before he died. I’m guessing the tears pouring down my face were enough of an answer. She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into the house to sit down as if I was in her home instead of the other way around. She ushered me to the couch and sat down next to me. Then she reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek with a little hanky she pulled out of her purse.

She said, “Sonny, don’t cry. We all make mistakes. I’m not here to cause you more pain. I can see you’ve been in enough of that already. No, I’m here to help you understand the gift you’ve been given. You see, my husband sacrificed his life that you would live. His heart didn’t give up on you. No, he gave it to you. The question is, now that you have it, what are you going to do with it? You have a second chance. Use it. The detective gave me your address. He told me your story. I told him not to press charges. Instead, I thought I’d come down here and finish what my husband started—to save a life from an unnecessarily early ending. I know you’ve done a lot of dumb things, but you’ve got so much more life to live. You can’t fix what you’ve done, but maybe you can help some other kid from going down that same road. You can’t bring my husband back, but you can save someone else’s and that’s a step in the right direction, don’t you think? Just please, please don’t waste it. My husband gave his life for you. Can you live in that same spirit and give your life for someone else?”

It was like waking up from a bad dream to realize it was just a nightmare. I knew it was real, but her words spoke new life into me. She opened my eyes to see something other than myself and my pain again.

You ask what drives me? Gratitude. Gratitude broke me in a new way—it broke the sadness, it broke the anger, it broke the shame, it broke the part of me destined to failure.

Brokenness led me to penitence. Not the same shame as before. No, this brought hope instead of hopelessness. This penitence, while it saddened me, reminded me that my failures hadn’t killed me—I could still use what life I had left for more than myself.

Penitence led to humility. I realized that while I was guilty, while I didn’t deserve to still be here, someone thought I was still worth saving—that somehow, even I had intrinsic value. This taught me to value others.

Humility led to discipline. I developed a passion for listening for the needs and hopes of others instead of seeking my own benefit, my own satisfaction, my own pleasure.

Discipline led to charity. Devoting myself to the service of others, I found solace in the power of seeing the good I could bring to others’ lives by showing the same love and compassion that was shown me.

Charity led to integrity. Committing one’s life to helping others requires brutal honesty, authenticity, strength of character, and trustworthiness. When people are pouring their hearts out in front of you, you can’t take that lightly.

Integrity led to leadership. As I helped people, word got around. As they say, “word of mouth is the best advertising.”

You asked, “how do you hold such sway over all those you meet?” People came and went when I called and directed because they trusted me. They trusted me because I had acted trustworthy. People followed when I moved because I had gained their loyalty. I gained their loyalty because I had acted loyally. People listened when I spoke because they found wisdom. They found wisdom because I had sought the benefit of all instead of selfishly focusing on myself, because I had spoken honestly about myself and others, and because I had spoken with authenticity.

Lastly, you asked, “Why have you not met with more success?”

This question perplexes me. You see, this leadership has led to great success. You said yourself, “it is clear you are considered a man of great influence in your community…You have a kind of charisma that too few have acquired…you have forever changed the landscape of your community through your efforts, and those with whom you come in contact sing praises of your character, of your authenticity, and of your leadership.” How exactly is that not success?

Maybe the problem is we see success differently. You seem to define success by your power, influence, and wealth. What if I define success by the good I have accomplished in others’ lives, by the admiration I have gained from those in my community who seek my wisdom, and by the mark I have left on my community. My heart is full, my needs are met, I have peace, I have love, I have more than I deserve. How could I want or ask for more?”

And with that, I closed my reply to the challenge. My mind returned to ease. I set it aside and went about my day as if nothing had happened. But that night, I tossed and turned. Finally, I woke in a cold sweat. It hit me. This man is no different from all the others I’ve helped. He has inquired of my wisdom, my insight, my experience. He’s looking for something I have. What makes him different from the rest? Is it the money?” So, I made up my mind.

The next day, I put the little black book back in its packaging and left it on the stoop.

Three days later, I received a reply. It read,

“Sir, I was disappointed with your reply. It was not to my satisfaction. Clearly, we live in different worlds. I cannot employ any of your strategies of persuasion and influence as we have very dissimilar reputations. Challenge failed. Thank you for your time. Good day.”

I agreed. The challenge was failed, but by whom?