The Gift Of Awareness

I will openly admit to what is one of my biggest flaws in my life currently, and has unfortunately been for several years also. When antagonized or unfairly criticized by someone, I tend to react very abruptly, and am quick to respond in anger. No one likes to be antagonized or criticized after all, yet I know that in responding with a fiery temper, and reacting with a heap of criticism and verbal abuse in return, I'm only dragging myself down to their level. Sadly, I've been lacking that emotional control needed to resist reacting in such a manner, and one of the very reasons why I have engaged myself in mindset training and strengthening these past couple of years, so I can better resist reacting with such fury. As I said, I know it is a massive flaw of mine, one that I am certainly not proud of, and one that I am desperate to remove from my behaviors. I was never that sort of person in my youth or my early adulthood. I was actually the total opposite. It seems that the turning point to my behavior and attitude came about when I first entered into depression, back in 2010. My depression undoubtedly came from the lack of happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment in my life, caused mainly by my career, but also from associating with people who were in no way beneficial to my mental health. Not only that, I think I grew tired of constantly being the nice guy, whilst allowing everyone just to walk all over me in life. As much as I credit myself for standing up to people now, and defending myself better, the manner in which I respond and react needs to be at a far more mature level than it is.

We can deny it all day long, if we so choose, but we all have our own faults and flaws in life. The biggest fault and flaw of them all though is denying we even have any, or completely overlooking the ones we do. Personally, I believe that admitting our mistakes, our faults, our flaws, and our errors, is a great sign of nobility, maturity, and integrity. It's the first step in working on becoming a better person, and having a strong desire to grow. Sadly though, there are so many people who genuinely believe they are never wrong, and that they are flawless. Sometimes it takes them to receive some harsh feedback and criticism from others, for them to even be aware of their flaws, and even then, they still deny they have an issue. For me, I didn't need anyone to highlight to me that I had an anger issue, I knew it myself. It's a little thing called awareness. Whether it be self discovered, or whether it be off the back of criticism and feedback from others, the moment we have that awareness of a personal fault or flaw, it becomes a blessing. Why is it a blessing? Because we can't fix an issue if we don't even have an awareness of it. Awareness has become something I have really been educated on these past couple of months, courtesy of the meditation that I am now doing each day. Meditation is about being present in the moment, rather than focusing on all the stresses, concerns, worries, regrets, and issues, that are going on around us in our life, be them in the past, currently, or in the future. Meditation allows us to bring all these stresses, worries, and more, to the forefront of our mind, so we can indeed have awareness of them, but it also trains our mind to repel all this for a few minutes, in order to destress and unwind, and instead focus on being in that very moment. It helps us to focus on our senses, and have the awareness of the sounds we are hearing, the scents we are smelling, the sights we are viewing, the objects we are feeling, and even something we might be tasting, in that very moment. It's why you will often hear that meditation focuses on the breath, because it's a constant that we can focus on that is always happening at any given moment.

One thing I know is, that I'm certainly not the only person in this world who is guilty of being short tempered, and is easily angered by antagonism and unwarranted criticism. In fact, it's extremely common, and the reason being is that people are sick and tired of living an unfulfilled, unsatisfying, and unhappy life. They are sick to death of other people trying to walk all over them, they are over being treated like crap from others, they are frustrated in not living the life they desire, and they are tired of other people telling them what to do and how to live their lives. I know this from personal experience. It's just a build up of frustration and anger within ourselves, caused by the constant void of not living the life we yearn for, not achieving the goals we desire, and becoming stuck doing various activities that bring us no enjoyment or satisfaction, such as working a job we hate. That frustration and anger needs an outlet to be released, and sadly, it only takes an instance where someone indeed antagonizes, criticizes, mocks, or ridicules us, and that frustration and anger explodes like lava from a volcano. Such a reaction can lead us to say things we often end up regretting, but worst of all, our character becomes tarnished. We become defined by the way in which we react. There are going to be many times in life where people will say hurtful and spiteful words to us. Some of the time these words won't affect us at all, but other times, although what they say may not be a true reflection on our character, behavior, personality, and attitude, their words may just hit a nerve within us, and provoke us to anger. Whether they say something that holds truth about us, and we believe it to be true, or whether they say something that is unfair and unwarranted about us, both of these criticisms and assessments of us have the potential to emotionally hurt us. Either way, we have the choice in how we react.

Would you ever think it possible that those who criticize you, antagonize you, and emotionally hurt you with their words, may actually be giving you a gift? Sounds silly, right? How could someone that is putting us down, and trying to make us feel bad, actually be doing us a favor? Well, quite often when people speak to us in such a manner, hurling their criticism and judgement at us, their words can also often reveal some harsh truths about ourselves. During disagreements and confrontations, quite often people will let fly, and they wont hold back with their feelings and opinions. Even when the heat of the moment has passed, apologies are shared, forgiveness is given, and life progresses on, it doesn't change the fact that what has been said, often was shared in truthfulness. I know a friend of mine gave me some brutal feedback a few months ago, during a disagreement we had at the time. He believed I would never call or message him unless I was asking some sort of favor, or that I was always talking about myself and my issues, to which I take great offence to at the time. Over the coming days, he actually apologized for that remark, but even still, I took the opportunity to look back over some of the messages I had sent him. What I noted was that he was in fact correct. On so many occasions, I failed as a friend to take the opportunity to ask how he was going, or if he needed help with anything, or to show interest in what was happening in his life. I had no hesitation but to apologize for this, and I took that feedback on board, despite his apology. I saw my selfishness in full view, and I immediately went about changing my behavior thereafter. That selfish person was not the person I wanted to be! It's true that in disagreements, quite often truths will come out, because it's a build up of frustration. See if you can think back to a disagreement you have had with a friend, or work colleague, partner, or family member, in the past, who in the heat of the moment has thrown some harsh criticism and brutal feedback at you, that has really hit a nerve within you, prompting you to respond with anger, frustration, fury, and even returned criticism of your own. Perhaps what they said wasn't even true about you, and you have taken offence to it, responding in a very abrupt and aggressive fashion? Perhaps they did say something that triggered a similar response, because deep down, you knew full well within you that their criticism and assessment of you was actually true, and it hurt you to hear it? With either of these instances, that person handed you the gift of awareness.

The gift of awareness has allowed you to identify that you clearly have an issue with emotional control and perhaps anger management. That person who has criticized you, antagonized you, or provided you with some brutal feedback, to which you have responded in a fiery and abrupt manner, has not only given you the gift of awareness, but they have handed you the opportunity to work on what is clearly a flaw and fault of yours. They have allowed you the chance to learn, to better yourself, to grow, and to mature. That's the beauty of awareness, because without it, you are blind as to what your weaknesses, faults, and flaws really are. You can't work on something you're not aware of. After receiving this blunt feedback and criticism about ourselves, then it becomes totally up to us as to how we respond and react to it, but also to how we use it. Never feel ashamed or guilty for having faults and flaws identified, because we all have them. What matters is how we use this feedback and criticism to better ourselves. In hearing brutal feedback and criticism in a disagreement or confrontation, take some time thereafter to assess what the other person has said about you. Conduct an honest and fair assessment of yourself, and try to see how that person can perceive you in such a way, and how their criticism came about. If you can be honest with yourself, and admit they have uncovered a weakness and fault within you, then go about working on it. Life is about learning and growth, and it's constant. If people have uncovered something that has hit a nerve within you, rather than being a fair critique of you, then identify what exactly is it that triggered such a response from you. How can you isolate that feeling within you, to prevent you from reacting in such anger and frustration next time around. If people throw mistruths and unfair criticism of you, then let it go. They are not worth the time or the energy to even deserve a response.

I think feedback is vital in life. We need to hear things about us that we perhaps don't like, but we need to hear them as they are indeed true. What is more important though is who we receive that feedback from. If we are someone who is striving to achieve our life goal perhaps, and we are receiving criticism for our decisions and actions from someone who hasn't even had the courage to strive for their own life goal, we should take their feedback with a pinch of salt. We need to be receiving feedback from someone who has achieved success, who has achieved their own life goal, and who we can look up to as a mentor and role model. We need that someone to be goals drive, positive minded, supportive, and inspirational also. Stop wasting your time associating with those who aren't 100% supportive towards you. When it comes to people though, who go about trying to hurt you with their words and criticism, they can never actually hurt you with what they say unless it holds some truth, or unless you allow them to. You don't ever need to be made inferior, but you do need to be open minded and allow what people say to potentially serve as an opportunity to work on yourself. Like I have been guilty of doing, if you are reacting to what people say about you with anger and venom, then be brave enough to identify that you indeed have a flaw, as the first step to bettering yourself, and then actually work on bettering yourself. It's like with anything, the more you practice at something, the better you get at it. So each time you are faced with a situation where someone is criticizing or antagonizing you, then breathe deeply, remain calm, and restrain yourself from reacting. Whilst it may be hard to take in the moment, that person may just be giving you the gift of awareness that will help you continue to learn, grow, mature, and better yourself.

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