The Difference of Caring

Looking back on the year, the thing that stuck out most was how much of a difference it makes when there is someone who cares.

I've written before about the difference between an indifferent workplace and a positive one, but several things stuck out this year that really drove it home.

In 2021, my partner had abdominal surgery. I requested time off from Catholic HealthCare Sercies, because my Beloved was essentially bedbound for the first week, and limited in her mobility after that, and my future mother-in-law couldn't be there 24/7.

My employer, rather than embodying the values of family and community that they claimed, did their level best to refuse it, only relenting when I said that I'd be taking the two weeks, and it was their choice if I came back at the end of it, or started job-searching for a more accommodating workplace once my partner was back on their feet.

Eventually, they agreed to give me the two weeks, though it didn't stop them calling every other day to see if I could cover a shift.

I did wind up leaving Catholic Health about a year later, retraining to work on the Admin side of things, and it was a long-overdue choice.

It took me until this year, 2024, to realise the difference between a company that only values your labour, and an employer who values their employees.

In March, I had to get an EEG to review my medication dosage for my epilepsy, since my General Practitioner had been making noises about how long it had been since I'd had a comprehensive review. Unfortunately, my local hospital was between receptionists, and only open 9-5, coincidentally the same as my working hours. I wound up adjusting my hours for a day so I could make an appointment in person.

(When the department found out I worked in Reception, I got offered a job on the spot, and turned it down.)

When I got into work late, I told my Supervisor when I'd need the time off. Her only question was whether I wanted a half-day or the full day off, and if I'd need recovery time.

I just needed the afternoon, but it was a very nice change to be working for people who care more about their employees taking the time they need to recover than how many sick days someone has taken in a calander year.

In June, I lost a friend. He'd been in Palliative Care, so it wasn't precisely unexpected, and the funeral was held quickly. He'd been closer to my Partner, as members of the same church, than he was to be, but I still got granted time off to attend the funeral.

Despite making the request with about two days notice, and a workplace policy that prefers leave to be requested at least two weeks in advance, the only questions asked about my requested half-day was whether I was sure I didn't want the full day off?

(The answer was no. Funerals are hard enough without sitting around dwelling for most of a day before the actual event.)

Later in the year, my Dad needed an operation to remove non-benign skin cancers. In the process, they found bone cancer in his shoulder.

The big question, for several weeks, was whether or not this was related to the skin cancer. If it was, then the cancer was spreading across systems, which would be Very Bad News. If it wasn't then they might have caught it early enough to treat, which was Very Good News, since Bone Cancer isn't usually detected until late-stage.

(Downside of working in Medical Admin, I know what Terminolgy means, and just how bad a situation is...)

The next work day, I gave my Office Manager and Department Supervisor (different people, since the Admin team works across multiple office locations Australia-wide) a heads-up in case I needed to suddenly take time off work to head to America.

Other good thing about Australia, we have 10 days per calander year of Family and Community Leave, which includes Berevement Leave, but also moving to escape domestic violence, or helping an immediate relative move, time off for an adopted or foster child to acclimatise, caring for an immediate family member, etc. FCL doesn't affect your other Leave balances, either, which is extremely helpful for parents who already have to juggle time off to look after sick kids and being sick themselves.

My Manager immediately promised to handle things on his end if it became necessary, then checked in on how I was doing personally. My Supervisor video-called over teams and I had a similar conversation with her, during which I lost the fight to not tear up.

She let me cry for a bit, assured me that she'd approve if I needed a Mental Health day, and repeated what my Manager said about handling things if I needed time off in a hurry.

I admit, it took me a bit of time to adjust to people I knew in a professional capacity actually caring about me as a person who was struggling, since that definintely hadn't been a priority for any of my past managers.

At the end of November, I lost the closest thing I had to an older brother.

His parents had been University friends with my parents, nearly every weekend was spent at each other's houses while the adults played Bridge; he'd literally been there my entire life.

And now he wasn't. He'd turned 40 in March, two years and two days older than me. His health hadn't been great for a while, having struggled with a limited diet, alcohol addiction and general ill-health, but he'd seemed to have turned a corner.

I got the news on the way home from work, called some friends and cried about it over Zoom.

The next day, (after being hugged by the Nurse when I told her what had happened) I informed my Supervisor that I'd be applying for leave as soon as we got the Death Certificate (the mortician had to work out which of the three likely causes was actually responsible).

I'd assumed that I'd need to take Annual or Personal leave, since family and community leave only covered immediate family members, and David and I weren't actually related. It was ok, I had some to spare, this close to the years end.

Completely unprompted and unbeknownst to me, my Supervisor had a word with HR, and persuaded them to let this qualify as family for the purposes of giving me Berevement Leave. I was told to take as much time as I needed.

Everyone at work was very sympathetic and supportive, which made the whole thing a LOT easier to deal with.

Grief is never easy, and there's no timeline on when or how you deal with tragedy.

Often, work commitments are on the list of things making grief harder to deal with, one more thing to handle while trying to get through and already difficult time.

I'm very glad to say that my workplace is one of the few that goes out of its way to make things easier.