The Dangers of living a passive life

My struggle with being a peace maker



Today being a holiday and a rest day off work. I looked forward to an exciting and relaxing atmosphere around me and my feelings. Somehow I rather woke up feeling burdened emotionally. I kept wondering what it was that made me feel so choked with such emotions. I looked around to see how much of financial and physical responsibilities I have had to carry on my shoulders lately but I didn't see enough that called for such mood. Then I tried to do some reflections inwardly. I worked my thoughts though my family, friends and work relationships. Meanwhile I get to do this occasionally and on need basis as a way of decluttering my mind. Through my thoughts I tried to focus on what was not working or what didn't feel too good about my relationships. Not too far in to my thoughts, I quickly remembered an encounter in my work place with a good friend. While working together on a project, we had a mix up with the details and entitlements of another colleague who I felt had a better rapport with my friend and so I asked my friend nicely for a help to relate the issue to this colleague in question. I was surprised at the reaction I got. I was not only suprised but embarrassed at my friend's reaction because other people who knew how close I was to my friend, were around watching and listening. Initially my little ego played a fast one on me as I got irritated and responded vocally the same way mainly because somewhere in my heart I felt my friend was even responsible for the error in the first place and she was aware so I wondered why the drama. Then again I couldn't bear the troublesome scene and the eyes watching, I couldn't stand the public show of disagreement between my friend and I. I quickly held back from expressing further how wrong and inappropriate her reaction was and called the colleague right there to explain the error, how we planned to fix it and that was it, I never said a word about it again and moved on. I have had several experiences where I just sly under people's opinion or expression, decisions or views just to avoid objections, disaggrements or arguments. Alot of times i give up my opinions or views which may be right and that sadly makes me to always do what others expect of me, whether good or bad for me. In my moving past most of those experiences, I would in a split of time feel that i had dealt with them emotionally. But today as i reflected through my personality I realized that my being so much of a peace maker even when i needed to openly address certain issues had made me to embrace and take in just about anything from people I relate with every day. Someone rightly said and I quote that the way we communicate with ourselves and others ultimately determines the quality of our lives. I will quickly share the dangers of living a passive life from my experience so far,

1. You simply live your life for people and never for yourself.

2. You practically lack courage on all sides, even the courage to do good in the face of opposition.

3. You may never feel fufilled as you most likely wouldn't be able to express and hold firm to your true feelings and views about life.

4. Even though you may enjoy some positive feelings that comes from being a peace maker, It's only momentary and you end up cluttering your mind and feeling burdened with so much of yourself you were never able to let out.

5. You will most likely have problems with believing yourself and belittling yourself and your achievements in life.

6. You would live your life feeling humble yet in the actual sense stupid as you may not be able to stand up and speak for yourself the most. As I reflect through my struggle of being a peace maker today, I realized that I may have compromised severally not even to please myself but others. I may have been piling up emotions that would have been honestly and courageously expressed in the face of conflicts and disagreements. I choose to shift from displacing myself and pleasing others majority of times. I choose to say no when I truly can not do something. I choose to belief more in myself and opinions and seek less of external validations. I choose to embrace courage to freely express myself, bodly face conflicts and provide constructive feedback if I have to. I think that everyone ought to have a good sense of self worth with healthy limits of suppression that allows for a balanced and peaceful coexistence amongst ourselves.