The Art of Security

It starts with you. That may sound very clique, especially when speaking on the topic of security within one's self. Honestly, however, there is no other real sense of security in the world. Now, this is coming from the girl that tried everything. From money to internet clout, I used every avenue to try and fill the void I had. At the time, what I didn’t understand was that there were things from long ago that created that void, and until I addressed those things I would never find the new things that could truly fill the void. I feel a few things played a part in this, but it all boiled down to a lack mentality that I didn’t realize I was feeding. By "lack mentality" I mean the mindset that led me to believe I solely was not enough. Comparing myself to others or listening to what others think of me and taking that as bible were only adding fuel to the fire I felt was burning away all the beautiful parts of me. Giving people the role of God in my life was almost the death of me. Then I realized (slowly but surely) that no one knows me better than I do. I spend every second of every day with myself, and no one else on this earth can say they have that much experience with me. The moment you realize you are all you need for you, you will see the things in your life shift for the better.

For me personally it took the magic of something that has hit the mainstream more recently, the power of manifestation. I’m pretty sure I was telling myself I was enough for a solid three months before I actually started to believe it. Picking up little habits like constantly reminding yourself about the things you encompass that add light to this world, can help shift your view drastically. On that same note, Reminding yourself that every single person walking this earth is flawed and you are no exception can bring a great deal of improvement as well. Knowing we are all flawed will leave you major room for acceptance. There is no way for you to be perfect. That realization, strangely enough, led me to a more compassionate stance. You realize that being harsh to yourself AND others reflects horribly on your own self-image. Become content with the fact that no one is perfect and suddenly like magic, everything is okay.

A few pieces that also moved the gears in the machine that was my insecurity were things like the people I surrounded myself with, the things I would entertain, and the narratives I allowed to live in my reality (aka Outside factors). It made me sad to realize that almost everyone I had in my life fed my insecurity drastically and consistently, and I allowed it. People who would, for example, debunk my dreams or plans I made for myself simply because it sounded too big for them to see me actually accomplishing them. They were having a major effect that I didn’t even recognize. I found myself within a handful of romantic relationships with people who were actually no good for me or my mental health at all. I had to release a lot of people from my life including friends, family, and exes.

My relationship with myself would not grow even though I was watering myself with love and positive thoughts because I was blocking the sunshine with a forest worth of negative people. People do not take kindly to being released, especially if they benefit from your presence. However, if you already know that someone around you is no good for your well-being, let go and watch yourself grow. And no I don’t mean cut every single person off (of course use your own discernment) but be able to be reliable enough to yourself to say “I don’t have to endure unnecessary pains or traumas for loyalty’s sake” That being a struggle alone assured me that I didn’t have to question my loyalty to others, I needed to improve my loyalty to myself.

Everything left me with this perception of myself that I simply couldn’t be secure. It wasn’t like I couldn’t make money or get likes. It was more so a feeling of me not being able to be alone. I was believing the people who said I couldn’t follow my film dreams or make any money from writing. Trying to progress whilst accepting stagnation is borderline redundant, granted while I was on this hamster wheel it was subconscious. No one gets themselves mentally stuck on purpose, and strangely enough, that isn’t a concept that is socially accepted.

Changing these aspects can be difficult especially on your own. After what has felt like 21 years of comfortable living in my insecurity, I’m just now starting the journey and it’s exhausting. As soon as I think I’ve accomplished my goal, I find myself slipping back into the dark abyss. It is my belief that consistency and persistence can turn anything into a habit. It is also my belief that having self-worth and mastering the art of security is a habit worth picking up. With Love, Temperance.